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A question for the guys...

 
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 04:32 pm
flushd wrote:
Glad she asked for the email address. Ya never know.

Well, she did give me hers too (not that I asked, mind you ... pathetic, huh? But she gave it), so hypothetically I could mail her ... I did tell her to make sure to be in touch if she had nothing to do some night (I mean, being a foreigner in town an' all)..

Mind you, only reason I dared write down this mini-example of my total non-approach is that in a way its kinda reassuring - I mean, that even if you're totally shy, they might just start to talk to you..

Quote:
I can think of a lot of men like that - where you aren't sure if they want to talk to you or not, if they are shy or simply not interested.

Well but you know - thats like the default situation to face for men! Not fair..

No surprise that I like a bold woman who makes sure she gets what she wants - especially if what she wants is me Mr. Green
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 09:37 pm
nimh wrote:
OK, Heph, I'll tell ya a secret, perhaps it'll make you feel better ... here's what I'll do, I'll tell you about how there's plenty of men, too, who just bumble their way along haplessly through this 'game' without a friggin clue what they're doing, cause they just never 'got' it or are simply - too bleedin shy to do it right, or hell - at all!

I can tell you on the irrefutable ground that I am the perfect example.

So, example. I've been having a hell of a week I can tell you and right now, I feel freaking lonely. Dont ask, long story. But basically, the main bright spot I'd got left the past week was joking around with my colleague Cs. (We're engaged, you know. She always said she'd marry me if I got her chocolates from Aztek Chocolat, so last week I finally got her a nice box and theatrically proposed to her in the office, knee on floor..)

Anyway, so I'm feeling miserable and lonely, and being too late out of my work to go to my favourite coffeehouse, I'm kinda wandering down aimlessly towards the old square. There's a folksy bric-a-brac type market there now because the Spring Festival just launched, so I'm walking around watching the vendors pack up their goods in the dark. Wondering whether I should just get some of the meat-and-onions they sell and sit at one of the long wooden tables. Nah.

Then just as I was gonna leave, I see this girl sitting by herself at the table farthest behind, an exceedingly pretty girl, reminds me of my old Moluccan colleague, but I think she's Japanese. Well, do I go there and start some chat? Of course not, I'm too shy. Besides, she's all reading travel guides and stuff, probly wants to sit by herself..

But I dawdle about anyway, walk down the stalls another time. There's one that sells earrings and pretty, little stones of all kinds of different warm colours, the small ones have a little ring so you can hang 'em on a necklace or something. I could buy one ... pretty one, there, they're only a dollar anyway.. I look around at her over on the other end, hesitate, doubt, and when I finally pick a very pretty black one with a shading of grey sheen and turn around, two guys have gone to sit right next to her. I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk up to a total stranger and start a chat with two other guys sitting right there.

I sigh, and think (nothing much), and decide to get some food anyway. The turkey in sauce looks good (enough). I get my portion, and walk up straight to homegirl's table, and sit kinda across from her. She looks up and smiles, but only for a split-second before returning to her maps. I sit, take a coupla bites, and feel silly, so I take out my papers that I need to summarise for work and read.

OK? Get the picture? I figured out a random stranger I really like, who is by herself, and I'm sitting across from her without saying anything and reading my papers! Can you believe it?

So, I've got to admit that eventually, it was she who addressed me and asked me to point out where she was on the map (eh, here - in the central square downtown). As it happens, she turned out to be a concert pianist, and had flown in the day before on the invitation of the Spring Festival; she'll be doing a Mozart recital with a Hungarian flutist in a week's time, will be rehearsing till then. Very nice, vivid and outgoing.

So, I also have to admit that she was the one to ask my name after a bit, rather than the other way around. I did give her the little stone tho, as in, oh a spontaneous gesture let me give you something before you go, here, this is for you.. But again, she was the one to ask for my email address - I woulda just let her walk away after that...

So there you go. All confident and know what we're doing? You think... :wink:


Nimh, (quoting a good frind of mine), you make my heart smile. Hehehe... Seriously this was awesome. I am so glad you had the courage to share this. You have forever changed my perspective of men by being willing to put this out there. Thank you.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 09:40 pm
flushd wrote:
Heph, nimh is but one example of sooo many men.

Geez. A perfect example of why sweet girls and sweet guys rarely get together. I'm sure I've missed out on plenty of good opportunities bc I was either too shy; or I simply did not notice the other person (or thought they were annoyed/uninterested in a conversation).

I can think of a lot of men like that - where you aren't sure if they want to talk to you or not, if they are shy or simply not interested. The only thing to do is go for the plunge, or never know. Glad she asked for the email address. Ya never know.


This is so cool. I am so glad I started this thread. It has really helped to change my perspective on a lot of things.
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 09:43 pm
DiggsUK wrote:
The fear of rejection however is real, and a series of rejections can dent a man's confidence sufficiently to make him simply give up. I know - I was that sad man!


I guess I just never thought that rejection had such an effect on men. I don't know where it is I got my general concept of men, but apparently it wasn't the right source. *shrugs* It is good you use the word was... that does imply you are not anymore correct?
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 09:44 pm
snood wrote:
Feeel- ings..... nothing more than feeeel-ings....


And what a fine exhibit of YOUR feelings snood! Very Happy Thank you. LOL
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Ashers
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 11:05 pm
Nimh, you stole my thought...s! Laughing Seriously though, nice post, I enjoyed that if only because I've been in similar positions myself and felt like a complete idiot, waiting for a moment to break the ice. *sigh*

One girl springs to mind at the moment who for one glaring reason I'll almost certainly not see again. She was probably "out of my league" but I should have spoken to her more than I did given the circumstance, just for the hell of it.

Heph, I liked your example conversation/inner thoughts of men and women, feelings or no feelings :wink: I've heard that conversation taking place!
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 11:31 pm
You all are amazing. How cool that men struggle too. Well not cool... but cool to see it... LOL shoot I better stop now before I get in trouble! Anyway, Thanks Ashers, I think I may have had that very conversation a few times! LOL
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2006 11:36 pm
Heph
Are you a night owl like me or what Laughing Cool
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 12:00 am
OOOOOOOOOOOOH Yeah! Very Happy
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 12:11 am
Laughing That's great. I don't feel so alone in here in the weeeee hours of the night/morning like I use too :-D
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 01:28 am
That's cool, nimh. I tend to get excited in a girlish manner when I hear of possible love. Just tell me to bugger off if I cross my limit. Very Happy <nudge, nudge> You have her email. :wink:

yeah. default mode is right. sigh. I get so frustrated with mixed signals and ambiguity. I hate when I do it too. But a certain amount of testing the waters is always there.

No joke, it does feel good to be wanted. It feels good to push the limits too.
Razz
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 08:27 am
Montana wrote:
Laughing That's great. I don't feel so alone in here in the weeeee hours of the night/morning like I use too :-D


Yup, I'm here almost every night anywhere from 1-3 am is when I usually hit the hay. I was having a pretty good conversation over in S&R last night and forgot to come back here and chat. LOL Sorry about that. It's good to know I'm not the only one up either!
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 08:51 am
Yeah... well... I asked a guy out ONCE. We worked together. I was nervous as heck. LOL I think my voice was even shaking a little. It took me about two weeks to work up the courage to ask him out. In that two weeks I probably walked towards him to ask just about every day. Then I would start feeling all woozy once I got too close, so I'd just casually turn around and go back to work. Hehehe... Finally after repeating this cycle for about 14 days I thought, "Come on ya big chicken, just ask. The worst he can do is say no." So I took a deep breath, marched my happy butt right up to him, tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around, looked at me and smiled. OMG I almost passed out!

I think all the color drained out of my face and I said something like, "I... uuuhh.. HI." And I forced a smile. My mind what whirling and telling me... "RUN FOR THE HILLS!" He just kept smiling so I forced out the words. I rambled... I was so embarrassed. I said something like, "Yeah... uhh... so... I've been thinking... I know we don't know each other... uuuh... but boy I would sure like to get to know you... uuuh... and... well... would you like to go out with me sometime?" His eyes got really big and so did his smile and he said, "Oh wow. I have NEVER had a girl ask me out before. I would LOVE to go out with you." Imagine that! Shocked

Yep... I did it once! That was some tough stuff right there! If that is even half of what a can guy can feel... whew... you boys have my sympathy. I think I finally figured out where my perception came from. Every guy who ever asked me out, which really wasn't that many to be honest, just seemed so... confident. Almost like they knew I was going to say yes. I don't know... In comparison to what I felt I guess I always thought... "Geez why do they have it so EASY? I thought I was gonna pass out when I tried that once!" Hehehe....
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Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 10:11 am
I can relate to that hephzibah. Somethng similar happened to me several years ago. However, in my case it was a female co-worker.

Finally, it was the end of a day and we were going to our cars in the parking lot. She stopped to ask something work related and we talked for a couple minutes.

Then, I suddenly and without really thinking, blurted out. "I'm going for some hot food and cold drink." "Care to join me?" She said yes and we had a wonderful evening with much to talk about. That in itself was surprising because I am not much of a talker. It turned out that she was 12 years my junior. We soon became lovers. It only lasted a few months. :-)
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Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 10:31 am
I once had a roommate who was a stunning Ford model and behind her back we called her "boy bait". My girlfriends and I would love to go clubbing with her because she left a wake of available, rejected men wherever she went. One of us would claim the rejected soul and approach him with lines like "don't feel bad, she does that to all the guys" - we found that giving a little sympathy was a great way to start a conversation and often ended up leading to much more.
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 11:07 am
Hehehe... Intrepid... How cool...

Greenwitch... what a clever idea! :wink:
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snood
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 11:07 am
Wo, wo, wo,

Feeeel-ings..........

Again in mi-hy li-hife...........!


Twisted Evil
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 11:08 am
Twisted Evil Right back at ya buddy!
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DiggsUK
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 05:17 pm
A few years ago I used to knock around with a really good looking friend. He used to get women around him in pubs like seagulls at the tip. On occasion I would let slip that I was his probation worker - it did it for me!
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2006 06:55 pm
hephzibah wrote:
Montana wrote:
Laughing That's great. I don't feel so alone in here in the weeeee hours of the night/morning like I use too :-D


Yup, I'm here almost every night anywhere from 1-3 am is when I usually hit the hay. I was having a pretty good conversation over in S&R last night and forgot to come back here and chat. LOL Sorry about that. It's good to know I'm not the only one up either!


No problem, Heph Laughing I just think it's cool that there are more folks out here lurking the dark halls of the evening other than me :-D
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