A question for the guys...

Run, you crazy horse.....RUN!!!!

Gus Wrote:



Uh, Gus, sweetie. I don't believe that is the weapon she was concerned with. :wink:

let's see... it's not on the mind of a women as much as it is on a guys?

One thing I have learned from this thread: You can't get nuthin' by Momma Angel. Nuthin!!

Gus, why do you think they call me "Momma?" :wink:

Edit: (I'll be good )

Ummm gus... nevermind...

Tehehe...

Husker... I never said that! LOL

Though from what I understand from most men that I've talked to about that... which isn't many mind you... women seem to loose that "interest" more often than not once they are married... I wonder why that is... I don't think all women are like that though. You know... I think men do have it on the brain more than women, truthfuly speaking here.

The problem is I guess I had all men in one class concerning this issue. I think I was wrong about that though, so now I want to know... really... what does it take for a man to know... bat the eyelashes... wiggle the booty... what?

No more input huh? Come on guys... I'm trying to understand something here. Though what's been said already had been helpful. I know it might be hard to talk about this in this way, I guess. It does seem kinda awkward... LOL hmmm... Ok, well anyway, if you want to share it's here. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you to the ones who shared.

Heph,

Let me step in for a minute and maybe help you out? Guys, when a relationship ends it's hard on everyone. I would imagine that men, just as women, question a lot of things, wouldn't you?

I know I always did. Always thought there was something wrong with me. What could I have done? What shouldn't I have done? If only I had done this, if only I had done that...................................

Does that help? You can always tell me, "Momma shut the he!! up, Heph."

I'm not a regular here, so bear with me....

A woman can best show her interest by eye-contact and genuine laughter. Also, actually listening to what's being said and responding in an intelligent, thoughtful manner helps. Building up the 'heat' rather than going in t*ts first helps too IMO.

Regards

Hmmmm.... Yeah... I can see what you mean with that. Though you are the first person I've heard say that. That's awesome actually. Thanks.

Its ok...

so that confirms my stand on things Diggs

Sure, Diggs, true ... BUT ... nothin wrong with going in t!ts first either!

I'm guessin', one of the things men get tired of sometimes is always being expected to take the lead and the first step etc and being kept guessin all the while what the extent of the interest on the other side is ... I think most guys will react with pleasant surprise to a woman who takes charge of whats going on herself!

I mean, I have heard of women complaining that if they were too bold, the man would somehow feel ... inadequate or something, or like his masculinity was threatened? But I cant imagine much about that, thats none of my friends, anyway. Perhaps in more conservative areas...

Btw, I'm still not entirely sure what your question is about, Heph? You mean, how to make someone you dont know yet get the idea you'd like to get to know him? Or how to make someone you already know realise you'd like to take things to a different level? Or, how to make your own guy, once you're in a relationship already, jump to the impulse?

Yeaaa Nimh!!

I'm a tits first kinda gal....most of the time....

Who wants to wait for the guy? No way. If ya like 'em, let him know. 'Cause sometimes guys don't take the subtle hints all that well.

Besides, it's fun to be bold.

Whose jokes does she find funny? Think about it.

Ok we all know I'm blatantly honest so here goes nothing...

Last night I got to thinking about some things and feeling a little insecure. You see, I have a past that has caused me a little dysfunction in this area. Nothing that I couldn't get over within the perimeters of a good relationship. But honestly speaking taking initiative is not something I'm extremely comfortable with. I think I would only be comfortable doing it with someone I felt safe with and well... it might take me awhile to get to that place. Especially coming out of what I'm just coming out of.

You see, the insecurity stemmed from the idea that I was told I wasn't taking enough initiative within the relationship. I was scared to death to do it, but I did it anyway because one thing I know is that fears don't go away unless you are willing to face them. I got shot down time and time again and told I wasn't being "obvious" enough. So I stepped it up a notch and still got shot down. So I thought, "Ok, forget this crap." And I started just saying, "Heeeey...." Still got shot down. It left me feeling undesirable. Like maybe something was wrong with me. I don't know.

I started this thread because I wanted to see if maybe there was something I was missing. Something I wasn't doing right. Or maybe something I wasn't doing period. I don't know. I just want to understand. I don't want to be a turn off to the next guy... if there is a next guy that is. I guess I thought it was about learning about each other. Experimenting together, and so forth. I'm so afraid now that if I were to even consider another relationship somewhere along the line that there's really not anyone out there who would be patient enough to let me grow into the partner they need, or whatever.

I guess I thought that if a few guys would give me some honest answers maybe I could understand a little better. It was probably just insecurity getting the best of me though. But I do appreciate the answers I've gotten so far. They are insightful. Sorry if that's too much information. I guess I'd rather just be honest about my intentions. I'm just searching for answers. I may find them here. I may not. Only time will tell.

You said it with your own words above.... "honestly speaking". Oh, the games people play. Both men and women. The best way to let somebody know how you feel is to tell them. Being prepared for either rejection or acceptance.

If you get rejection, you can look at it that you have saved some valuable time and heartache. If it is acceptance. Maintain meaningful dialogue.

Looking for 'signs' and second guessing is fine in a meaningless flirtation. For something more, honest dialogue is the best policy.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." These are true words. Feel good about yourself and others will follow your lead.

I agree. That is my usual route of doing things. However, let me ask you this... What exactly is one to do when you do this and are told one thing and the actions are completely different? I would much rather have someone say to me, "No" in the first place than tell me, "Do this and you'll get the response you are looking for." and then do it and get the same response as always. That's rejection with a lie thrown in there. A little twist of the knife if you ask me.



I agree. I can deal with rejection. What I can't deal with is being lied to or manipulated.



I have momentarily lost my faith in honest dialogue within a relationship. Sorry.



It is easy to say such things when you aren't the one sitting in the pot being boiled. No offence of course. But come on Intrepid. Get real. What I am feeling is totally normal. No I'm not going to dwell here forever. Gosh, I hope not anyway. However, certain actions do cause certain reactions. That's not an excuse, it's life. It's how you deal with the reactions that matter, because the reactions will happen whether we like it or not.

Heph,
((hugs))

"Nothing that I couldn't get over within the perimeters of a good relationship."

Do you feel like you need a relationship with another person in order to overcome this? If so, need it be a romantic relationship? Or a friendship with another person?

Perhaps this is the time for Heph. For Heph and Heph only, so she may become her own best friend and realize what so many others see - her strength, her honesty, her beauty and intelligence. Everything that is wonderful within you.

I think you are a remarkable woman. And I know you are hurt right now. It is normal to react. I do strongly believe that one day; with time and sweat and tears and knowledge, you will come to a place where you no longer re-act, but will consciously act. You will not be bombarded with old feelings and reactions. You will be free to choose the parts of yourself you want to share, and will know within yourself that you can withstand the loss if it should come.

I can not say that I know 100% all that you are going through, because I don't.

I do know that you deserve to be happy and whole.

Heph, you know about the butt-kicking I have been going through since my break-up. I have been questioning myself as well. I have been doing a lot of evaluating and trying to understand. I have also been doing a lot of talking and reading. You might find some of the articles helpful. Maybe you won't, but if you like, I'd be happy to share 'em with you. You can also pm me anytime you like.

.....flushd..

I like not knowing.
I like having them wonder.
I like it when she pretends disinterest.
I like to pretend disinterest.
.
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It's the game
.
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It's the game