A question for the guys...

Chai
Wow on the avatar

Again? Well OK, that'll work of course too..

Re: A question for the guys...

In my case anyway, she has to (I guess I should say had to, since I'm married) give me some really obvious signals like compliments, smiling, coming to see me, etc. The more obvious the signals, the braver I become about making an overture to her.

I most certainly am! LOL

Re: A question for the guys...


So, I'm just going to ask a pretty blunt question here because I'm curious. I guess I never thought about this before... Umm.. Do guys get nervous about making a move sometimes? Like even if she was giving some pretty good signals would some guys just be too nervous to act on it? (here I go again showing how naive I can be... Nimh... zip the lip!)

Well, yeah!!

Its not like it is without risk ... theres girls who send "some pretty good signals" and then turn out to not really want the guy, anyway (they were just flirting, or got cold feet), vice versa, there's girls you can hardly notice whether they're actually giving signals or it just seems that way, but who then turn away disappointed if the guy doesnt agressively move in ... Its still a crap shoot. If you dont feel invulnerably confident like, say, Bill does, you're gonna chicken out sometimes ...

NO female, over the age of 12, with average intelligence is this naive about whether a male is interested. eeeek.........

Well that's true. But common now... Ya'll are always so cool... so collected... so stinkin macho... LOL How do you pull it off? Girls do like to play games I think sometimes. But guys can be just as much players as girls. Though I do think that sometimes they're a little better at letting their intentions be known. I guess I just never realized that there was much effort to it on the guys part. I think I thought they were just born with this inward confidence when it came to approaching a girl. Whew... what are you all gonna do with me! LOL

Snood... Yes, I am. Well was. Not to meantion I was extremely confused because I was getting very mixed signals from my husband. If you read on a few pages you'll come across my explination for why I started this thread. Actually here's a link to page 4:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=71331&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=30

I'm just trying to sort through some issues, and was looking for a little advice. Sorry if I scared ya. :wink: LOL

<looks behind him>

<looks around>

Err... who all?


Seriously ... plenty of shy guys, and geeks and nerds, and introvert arty types, and square guys who dont have a clue, and, and, and... in the world ... that I can see, anyhow!

(Then again, you know, I have all of two male colleagues on my floor here at work, and one is gay and the other 50+ ... so perhaps don't live in yer typical average-men-kinda environment...)

LOL Seriously now Nimh... I have rarely met a guy who did not exude some sort of confidence... Not saying they weren't shy, but hmmm... I don't know. There's just something about men. Maybe I'm crazy. Even the one's I've met who are shy, or introverted, or as some would call geeks or nerds... whatever, there was just something about them. Maybe they couldn't see it, but I did. Because it's not always about being a "mans man". The confidence wasn't necessarily directly related to this specific issue, but maybe whatever their strength was. If it was book smarts, ability to play sports, whatever. Do you see what I'm trying to say here? So then I just assumed I guess that because men are typically the aggressors in certain areas, this would not be one they would struggle with. After all... let's be honest here... Ya'll think about this kind of stuff way more than us girls don't cha? LOL

Dunno... you mean you don't think about it non-stop?

No not really. I have my moments. That is for sure. But for most part it's something that has to be triggered. It doesn't take much to trigger me thinking about it. So rather than be in constant torment I just usually avoid the things I know could trigger it. Hmmm... That other conversation in this forum has not been my best effort at avoiding thinking about certain things. But I feel like I'm coming out of some sort of shell here. It's been good to look at things differently and actually talk about some things I've never really talked much about before. Hehehe...

fascinating stuff...

Ya think?

OK, Heph, I'll tell ya a secret, perhaps it'll make you feel better ... here's what I'll do, I'll tell you about how there's plenty of men, too, who just bumble their way along haplessly through this 'game' without a friggin clue what they're doing, cause they just never 'got' it or are simply - too bleedin shy to do it right, or hell - at all!

I can tell you on the irrefutable ground that I am the perfect example.

So, example. I've been having a hell of a week I can tell you and right now, I feel freaking lonely. Dont ask, long story. But basically, the main bright spot I'd got left the past week was joking around with my colleague Cs. (We're engaged, you know. She always said she'd marry me if I got her chocolates from Aztek Chocolat, so last week I finally got her a nice box and theatrically proposed to her in the office, knee on floor..)

Anyway, so I'm feeling miserable and lonely, and being too late out of my work to go to my favourite coffeehouse, I'm kinda wandering down aimlessly towards the old square. There's a folksy bric-a-brac type market there now because the Spring Festival just launched, so I'm walking around watching the vendors pack up their goods in the dark. Wondering whether I should just get some of the meat-and-onions they sell and sit at one of the long wooden tables. Nah.

Then just as I was gonna leave, I see this girl sitting by herself at the table farthest behind, an exceedingly pretty girl, reminds me of my old Moluccan colleague, but I think she's Japanese. Well, do I go there and start some chat? Of course not, I'm too shy. Besides, she's all reading travel guides and stuff, probly wants to sit by herself..

But I dawdle about anyway, walk down the stalls another time. There's one that sells earrings and pretty, little stones of all kinds of different warm colours, the small ones have a little ring so you can hang 'em on a necklace or something. I could buy one ... pretty one, there, they're only a dollar anyway.. I look around at her over on the other end, hesitate, doubt, and when I finally pick a very pretty black one with a shading of grey sheen and turn around, two guys have gone to sit right next to her. I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk up to a total stranger and start a chat with two other guys sitting right there.

I sigh, and think (nothing much), and decide to get some food anyway. The turkey in sauce looks good (enough). I get my portion, and walk up straight to homegirl's table, and sit kinda across from her. She looks up and smiles, but only for a split-second before returning to her maps. I sit, take a coupla bites, and feel silly, so I take out my papers that I need to summarise for work and read.

OK? Get the picture? I figured out a random stranger I really like, who is by herself, and I'm sitting across from her without saying anything and reading my papers! Can you believe it?

So, I've got to admit that eventually, it was she who addressed me and asked me to point out where she was on the map (eh, here - in the central square downtown). As it happens, she turned out to be a concert pianist, and had flown in the day before on the invitation of the Spring Festival; she'll be doing a Mozart recital with a Hungarian flutist in a week's time, will be rehearsing till then. Very nice, vivid and outgoing.

So, I also have to admit that she was the one to ask my name after a bit, rather than the other way around. I did give her the little stone tho, as in, oh a spontaneous gesture let me give you something before you go, here, this is for you.. But again, she was the one to ask for my email address - I woulda just let her walk away after that...

So there you go. All confident and know what we're doing? You think... :wink:

Heph, nimh is but one example of sooo many men.

Geez. A perfect example of why sweet girls and sweet guys rarely get together. I'm sure I've missed out on plenty of good opportunities bc I was either too shy; or I simply did not notice the other person (or thought they were annoyed/uninterested in a conversation).

I can think of a lot of men like that - where you aren't sure if they want to talk to you or not, if they are shy or simply not interested. The only thing to do is go for the plunge, or never know. Glad she asked for the email address. Ya never know.

The fear of rejection however is real, and a series of rejections can dent a man's confidence sufficiently to make him simply give up. I know - I was that sad man!

Feeel- ings..... nothing more than feeeel-ings....

heeheehee...