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A dating quandary

 
 
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:00 am
Ok, I need some help here on a slightly perplexing situation. Some months ago, I was dating a guy, let's call him "I", for sometime. I was also seeing someone pretty seriously (in Prague) around the same time - so "I" was purely for fun. "I" sort of hinted at the friendship becoming more serious (the dreaded "R" word), but since I was not much interested (even though he is a great guy) - I never really gave it a serious thought. "I" is now a very good friend, but he still harbours more than friendly feelings for me (and I know this for sure).

I went out with "I" yesterday, and "I"'s flatmate, who is also his best friend, unexpectedly joined us. This was the first time I met him - and my eyes popped out !! Laughing He is a really great guy, and (even to my unexperienced eyes) the sparks between us were definitely flying. But if I do go out with him, I am sure I will end up hurting "I" in the process. I think that he thinks the same as well, as I can be pretty sure that he knows abt the feelings which "I" has for me. So we flirted (that I always do Wink) but it was much restrained.

I want to go out with him, and (I think) he with me - but how do we do it without hurting "I" ??

What do I do ?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 9,537 • Replies: 148
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margo
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:19 am
Hands (and other bits) off - Super G, or everyone's hurt! Confused
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Phoenix32890
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:23 am
Gautam- You certainly have a problem. IMO you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. "I" will certainly be hurt if you date his flatmate.
If nothing develops, you would have lost both the flatmate AND "I". "I" might lose his best friend.

If I were in your circumstances, I would let it alone. Lovers come and lovers go, but good friends are forever.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:26 am
Margo- How come I needed seven sentences to say the same thing that you did in one! Laughing
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Walter Hinteler
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:28 am
True, Phoenix, lovers are lovers and friends stay as friends.
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margo
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:31 am
Phoenix

Very Happy
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cavfancier
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 06:43 am
Hmm, this is indeed a quandry...if "G" and "I" are not officially dating, then both are free agents, really...however, dating the flatmate would most likely end in disaster. I would have to agree with the common consensus here, find another unrelated to the situation. Lots o' fish in the sea Very Happy
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dlowan
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 07:37 am
yeppies. for what it is worth.
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Sofia
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 07:41 am
Hasn't "I" seen anyone since you dazzled him?
Me thinks there is a way around this.
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sozobe
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:20 am
There was a Seinfeld episode about this. "The Switch."

I agree with Sofia that there must be a way around this. I guess it depends on how much you value your friendship with "I". If it is worth it to you to jeapordize the friendship to see what happens with the flatmate, for example. "I" doesn't have any real claim on you. I'm tempted to advise that you just talk to him about it -- "Look, my eyes popped out when I saw your flatmate -- is it cool if I pursue things?" But even just asking will likely hurt "I"'s feelings.
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kitchenpete
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:22 am
I'm with Sofia - I think it's possible to work it out.

Look at the really positive thing, anyway...there are two men you like. One is certainly interested in you and the other (whom you like more, in that way) is probably interested in you.

You are one sexy motherf***er!!! I wish the women were all over me like that!

A little more seriously, let I know that there's no future for the two of you and ask him if you can ask out the flatmate. Honesty can only get you the "wrong" answer i.e. "No" which is the position you'd be in anyway if you do nothing and avoid them both.

I's got to be grown up enough to deal with the situation - or he's about to learn how to.

Just take the bull by both horns. Sorry, cut the bull and go for the horn you like! Laughing
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dagmaraka
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:32 am
hmmm, dunno. Of course I will tell you 'go ahead', he wouldn't want to look like a looser. But he will still be hurt inside. I must agree with Margo and Phoenix, stay friends with all of them. What happened to the Prague boy? Is he out of the game?
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:34 am
Simple. Just get I to move into a different flat...
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:42 am
or propose a threesome!
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Phoenix32890
 
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Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:45 am
dagmaraka- A threesome? getting pretty frisky, girl. Does it have anything to do with the fact that it is May 1st! Laughing
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:47 am
hmmmmmmmm, d, you coming out west anytime in the near future???

(a joke! a joke! the gf would kill me! those days are behind me! hell, i wouldn't even want that, would i honey??!?!! would i?)
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:50 am
I understand a joke, pd. My bf would also object. (am planning to go during next academic year for sure!!! wink wink.)
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:52 am
all right. gives me a little time to track down that old girlfriend who was a little more, er, liberal...............
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the prince
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:52 am
Can I watch ?
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2003 09:55 am
you can come!
alright, i should go do a workout video, pronto. or eat, that usually brings me back to my senses.
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