Advice from women?

It'll come.

But no one can say when.

This is so sweet.

The only thing I can suggest is trying to love the search. You know the right woman for you is out there somewhere. Have fun finding her.

thanks, but I hate the search, I absolutely hate it.

That's lovely, Perplexed. Really, and yes, that's what you'll find. But as others have said, it's not that useful to be so ends-driven. Live in the moment at bit. See a girls who's interesting; talk to her. You may talk to a hundred of them before you really click with any. No big; it's practice. Or you may click in some ways but not others - it's still enjoyable to hang out, spend some fun time. It doesn't have to be either love or nothing. The more friends and acquaintances and the greater comfort you get just being around people, the more likely you'll find something worthwhile.

You are in school, yes? I assume from that you're on the younger side? Not that it matters, really, but personally, that time of life was the most up and down, lonely period ever - partly due to that that's the nature of things in school - every day is an eternity - and partly due to my own state of mind. I was highly romantic and Romantic, and real interactions didn't always measure up to what was in my head. Instead of seeing that situatoin and other people as what they were - flawed (like me! and often even moreso, word to the wise) and human, and enjoying that, I was disappointed time and again.

...But even then I knew that that was okay, it was part of the way that I was going through life, and it was a whole lot of worthwhile experience, even the pain. Oh, so many times I was utterly lonely...and then I learned the art of what we called "light dating." Just fun, no worries over having a boyfriend, making connections for the ages. And it was a blast. I discovered I was highly social, highly attracting of attention and fun, and I was much less in "need" of something serious.

...Now, after some time of that I did fall into a crazy emotional rollercoaster of a relationship that dragged me to hell and back...but that "light dating" concept (which, by the way, also means not focussing on dating at all, just living a full life, doing what I liked to do, not skipping out on social opportunities, and just being myself, regardless of whether I worried whether that wasn't good or x enough) is something I've always come back to. And it feels great and gives great boosts of confidence.

The other thing I will add is that I've observed that "relationships" (or opportunities for them) come along rather easier in your next decade. As do your abilities to manage and manuver through them. People grow up a bit, aren't so freaked out by getting involved, are in positions where they can focus, etc. So maybe consider this time you're in as a time to just play. Love will come. It may grow, or it may hit you like a Mack truck, but it will come. In the meantime, make hay while the sun shines.

what do you mean by "the next decade"? This one I just started (I'm 22) or do you mean 30 on?

If I'm still alone when I'm 30 I'm pretty sure I'll be alone in an alley somewhere, getting high off anything I can find to hopefully inebriate myself to the point where I'm no longer physically coordinated enough to be capable of committing suicide on that particular night.

I mean the next 10 years are going to be great and much will change. And when you are 32 your experience of the world will be enormously different (without losing the essence of you) than it is now. I'm not saying you'll be alone for the next 10 years and then it will all happen. I'm saying that things will evolve in ways you're not even thinking of. And if you manage to maintain that desire for intimacy while also developing as a man and an individual, you will likely have more options than you ever considered.

You know - just was reading over your earlier posts. Religion/Philosophy major and you're not comfortable heading to a public gym. What do you do physically? How do you push your body? Benefits of it are enormous - people walk taller, feel more confident, less apprehensive, often feel more outgoing (AND receptive of friendliness from others - ever think you are missing friendly signals? You might be. You may give off the opposite aura you really intend....), and very often will have less stress, negative thinking and more self-satisfaction.....

I don't. I'm not really interested in that, I live in my mind, that's where all the activity is, that's where most of the things that are important to me occur...

Hang in there Perplexed. We all have obsticles in life.
I've had a real tough life myself, but I got through it and I know you will too.

I get that. The only thing that is not in your mind, though, is...other people.

And not that I think everyone needs to be hyper-physical, but there's nothing inconsistent with the life of the mind and a healthy body.

Mistery girl is right. To me there's nothing better for the mind than exercising.
It's amazing how much better you feel all the way around when you work out.
It's really very therapudic.

May I recommend Plato? The Republic in particular, though it was a theme throughout the Greeks' writings. You'll find that (among others, of course) Thomas Jefferson and Thoreau were also advocates of physical exrecise and indeed tied it to the intellectual.

Plato didn't just say everyone should exercise, he said that everyone should be able to participate in Olympic and also serve in the military....

Dunno what you see in her, Chai. The only one I'd do out of the whole bunch is Montana.

AND I still haven't gotten an apology from you about getting "She's A Lady" stuck in my head. I mean, it's two or three days now that I've been singing it nonstop, either only in my head or very loudly complete with dance moves when I'm alone. Really, you owe me something for putting me through this.

uh, have you seen the thread I dedicated especially to you?....

CLICK HERE PUSSYCAT

Plato discussed exercise in general and the importance of balancing the life of the mind with attention to the physical. Try Book 3 of the Republic. He believed in intellectual study and physical exercise as necessary components of developing a well-balanced character. He's not alone among thinkers on these points.

I know, and I'm not saying your wrong, I just HATE exercise.

I even need exercise, I know I do, but I find it so unpleasant, and I feel like there's already enough unpleasant things in my life.

I'm not an exercise fan, either. I find the best thing to do is, take the thing I despise the least and do that, whatever it is. I find that that tends to change over time but that's kinda how I come at it. Anyway, one thing about, for example, riding an exercise bike is you can read a book while doing so. Why not take something with you and read it while pedaling?

Exercise will help you in general, first off for overall health but also because it helps with sleeping better at nightand feeling more balanced. Or there's that dancing thing.

I'd be lying if I said I was a faithful exerciser, either. :-) Part of this has to do with my distaste for routine, but I also find it rather boring at times. And the rebel in me feels like if it's good for me, then it's something to avoid! But...recreational activity can be great. I cycle, walk and have lately picked tennis back up. My goals are not to be put off by exercise and not to have major things in life that I just "don't do," and to take care of my body, because you should and it (ultimately, even if not in the short-term, though more and more that, too) feels good. Plus, when my body's strong and healthy, and I'm walking around with that healthy glow, opposite-sex types are much more reactive, just fyi. ;-) And I've observed the same in men as well!

This is so true. Dancing is a huge part of my workout because....well....it's fun and not nearly as boring as just plain exercise :-)

I wish I could dance, but I absolutely can not