First, ehbeth, I love what you said about the 75%, and it making 150%. Yes, a person needs to keep something of themselves, just for themselves.
td8181, you would be very smart to take ehbeths wise advice, it rings totally true.
One thing I may have missed on your initial post, but I seem to remember something about your gf being so insistant about this. Well, love is a two way street, what is she willing to compromise with?
Chumly, I don't know you that well yet to say anything about you. But, if you'll allow me, I would like to say that the words you said below absolutely made my blood boil.
I feel 100% capable of taking up your challenge.
Chumly wrote:
In a perfect world perhaps, in the real world I find your assertions to be very dubious indeed.
1) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have never done anything in your entire life that was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted, in a sexual sense.
2) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have always immediately left any relationship in which there was a sexual environ which was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted.
3) Assuming you have rigidly followed 1) and 2) for your entire life you must then be willing to claim that your beliefs must apply to everyone else.
Also some may argue that talking may be all we have, but I would argue that is certainly not the case, and in fact talking is very overrated. Of course on a forum such as this it's talking or nothing.
.............Actions & Words.................
1) I have NEVER in my life done ANYTHING sexual that I have not wanted to do, I'm 47 so I think that covers adequate ground. The WHEN you wanted and WHY you wanted is pointless, as the WHAT covers the WHEN and WHY.
Yes, I have had sex when I was tired, because I knew it meant so much to the one I love. That doesn't mean I wasn't doing something when or why I wanted, because it was what I wanted. I have also politely declined.
There are some things sexual that I have never tried, because I don't want to. That is the end of the subject. No means no. I don't have to "try" some things to know I would definitely not enjoy. If someone pressured me to "try" something, it would be because they were being selfish and thinking only of themselves.
2) If you just talking sexually, I have ALWAYS left a relationship if it was not what I wanted, and left it immediately, before having sex with that person again.
3) Is just a crock of pig poo. No one here has ever indicated that anyone must think like they do, only that if there is something that crosses that line, a human being has the right to say, no that goes to far.
td8181 does not have to compromise on Everything. She has that 25% she holds in reserve.
Roxxane, outside counseling regarding private matters like sex is not necessarily the best thing. That might be fine for them, but, it might not. My personal feeling is that decesion is something sacred between the 2 of them.
As far as discussing with lesbian friends? Lesbian or heterosexual, bringing up such personal details would probably be unwelcome. Just because you are a lesbian doesn't mean you want to hear about a friends sex life any more than being a heterosexual means your hetero friends want to hear about yours.
I had a REALLY close friend from college, like blood sisters. We didn't see each other for years after, and then somehow met up again. Shortly after beginning to talk to her, she began telling me graphic details about her husband. I was appalled and just didn't even know where to look. I never felt the same about her again.
td8181, I know what you're talking about. I guess I consider myself a heterosexual, but if you put it on that 1 to 10 scale with a 5 being a well adjusted bisexual, and a hetero a 10, I'm probably about a 7, maybe a 7 and a half on some days, sometimes a 6 on others.
I would never let anyone use a dildo on me, or use one myself. Absolutely unspeakable to me. I love and want intercourse with my husband, but that has never been the "main event" for me, if you know what I mean.
Yes, talk to your gf, let her know firmly how you feel. Would you feel differently about her if you went along. If you would, consider that.
Please come back and talk some more.
Please. You think that that makes me sad...wah cry, Chumly thinks I am a baby. 