DO NOT like Strap On and Toys, how to tell HER?

How is it possible that Slappy has not yet discovered this thread?

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td8181,

You've gotten some good advice. TALK to her about it. In any relationship there must be a minimum level of respect granted to both parties for it to be successful. If you take umbrage with something that your partner is doing, you not only have the right, but arguable an obligation to bring it up to your partner and discuss it.

Leaving something that bothers you to fester without talking about it will only ruin any chance of a happy relationship with this individual.

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I agree that a frank and open talk with your partner is essential. There is no "right" or "wrong" about having different sexual expectations. To me, subjecting you to something that you find so aversive is not particularly loving on your partner's part.

Talk, talk, talk, and try to get to the bottom of not only why you feel this way, but also why your partner is insisting on it. The only way that this relationship will last is if there is open communication, and the both of you understand each other's feelings. Good luck!

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Yup. Talk is the way to go. It is so important, and sex is always better when there is communication too.

There may be a way the two of you can both be happy. Strive for that - if you care about her. If you discover that the two of you are simply incompatible in bed, then you can make your choice.

Good luck. Don't be afraid to say how you feel.

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Another suggestion: seek advice from other lesbians. I don't think the straight women here understand what is at play here. There are plenty of lesbian forums out there to get the right guidance.

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How bout you just say "Listen, I don't like toys. Can't we just enjoy each other's bodies like they are?"

If she can't accept that, there isn't any hope for the two of you.

Think about it like you would a man wanting a woman to have anal sex. In fact, check out the way people responded to that thread. She shouldn't pressure you to do anything sexually you don't want to do. Period.

You've been more than clear in your not wanting these things in your bed. She has made herself clear as well. If both of you feel like you can't give up and give in without regret, you shouldn't be together. There is no way this thing is just going to go away.

I think your girlfriend is being selfish and I think you have a right to say that you will not accept toys in your bed any longer. If she wants to be there, then she comes alone. If not, then you are better off without her.

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Ha! I first thought boomerang has hit the jack pot with
another headline, and then this Laughing

I have no advice, sorry, I would ......oh better not.

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Bella Dea wrote:

How bout you just say "Listen, I don't like toys. Can't we just enjoy each other's bodies like they are?"

If she can't accept that, there isn't any hope for the two of you.

Think about it like you would a man wanting a woman to have anal sex. In fact, check out the way people responded to that thread. She shouldn't pressure you to do anything sexually you don't want to do. Period.

In a perfect world perhaps, in the real world I find your assertions to be very dubious indeed.

1) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have never done anything in your entire life that was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted, in a sexual sense.

2) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have always immediately left any relationship in which there was a sexual environ which was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted.

3) Assuming you have rigidly followed 1) and 2) for your entire life you must then be willing to claim that your beliefs must apply to everyone else.

Also some may argue that talking may be all we have, but I would argue that is certainly not the case, and in fact talking is very overrated. Of course on a forum such as this it's talking or nothing.

.............Actions & Words.................

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CalamityJane wrote:

Ha! I first thought boomerang has hit the jack pot with
another headline, and then this

I have no advice, sorry, I would ......oh better not.

I know you wanna :wink:

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Roxxxanne wrote:

Another suggestion: seek advice from other lesbians. I don't think the straight women here understand what is at play here. There are plenty of lesbian forums out there to get the right guidance.

By far the best advice in this whole thread. I 100% agree. The subtleties and implications of the kind of sexual dynamic cannot be well understood by straight women.

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No, no, Chumly. Since I have no experience with Lesbian love,
I cannot give advice (which I dispense otherwise freely and unsolicited) but if needed I probably would prefer a strap-on too.
Then again, that's why I am heterosexual.

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Chumly wrote:

1) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have never done anything in your entire life that was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted, in a sexual sense.

I'll try it once and if I don't like it, I don't do it. I don't owe my husband anything. Neither does he owe me. I am not obligated to do anything sexually. Neither is he.

Why should she be unhappy? Only one person is allowed to be happy in this relationship? This isn't a once in a while deal. This is not "hey let's try something new." This is all the time. And again, why should her partner be happy and not her?

Chumly wrote:

2) Unless of course you are willing to claim that you have always immediately left any relationship in which there was a sexual environ which was not 100% what you wanted, when you wanted, and why you wanted.

If I was pressured to do something I didn't want to do, and was literally forced to participate in it or not have sex with my partner, you can bet your ass I'd leave. That shows a lot about how much that person values you and cares about your needs.

It shows that td8181's partner coldn't give two shits about how td8181 feels about sex. Her partner only cares that she is satisfied and happy.

Chumly wrote:

3) Assuming you have rigidly followed 1) and 2) for your entire life you must then be willing to claim that your beliefs must apply to everyone else.

I have never had to deal with that because I've been upfront with my partners about what I will and will not accept. I've never had someone think so little of me that they'd ignore my sexual needs and wants to fulfill their own or ignore my request to keep certain sexual practices out of the bedroom.

My beliefs are my beliefs but I hold firm in believeing that everyone has a right to be happy and control what happens to their own bodies. Neither of which this woman is allowing td8181.

Chumly wrote:

Also some may argue that talking may be all we have, but I would argue that is certainly not the case, and in fact talking is very overrated. Of course on a forum such as this it's talking or nothing.

If talking is so overrated, why is it that all the happily married couples I know, say they keep it together for 50+ years by talking to each other?