My girlfriend believes in God

Momma Angel wrote:

Actually, I don't think you addressed Phoenix's first issue about the rape thing and the comfort shoes. I only bring that up because I really want to know why you feel the way you do on this.

I'm not sure what you mean; in my response to the rape question, I meant the same thing that Phoenix said: that it's unfortunate, that in such a diverse world, we must take partial responsibility for being taken advantage of if we put ourselves into higher risk situations. If you jump into shark infested waters you must take some responsibility for the shark that bites you. Or the man that robs you for going into the bad part of town, or the man that rapes you because your boobs were bouncing around in his face. They don't deserve it, but it happens, and often (not always...) they are partially responsible for making themselves susceptible.

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Many professors are complete idiots? Don't they have to have some kind of accrediation when applying for positions? Is this possibly just a case of someone disagreeing with what he said so therefore he is "an idiot?"

Edit: I didn't mean "many," I meant "some." MOST professors are generally very smart.

Yeah, there are checkpoints that they must pass. They have to get through grad school, they have to write a dissertation, they have to be interviewed for their job, they have to survive student evaluations, they have to publish significantly before their tenure deadline...but idiots still slip through.

How much can you tell about a person in their interview? Not a whole lot...mayb they have good records, but you don't know what their situation was in school. They could have followed on the coattails of someone else, or their phd advisor could have made it very easy for them.

The chair of my department, a professor with tenure, for example, has got to be literally among the dumbest people I have ever known. I had a course with him last semester, and the entire class was awestruck by his stupidity. But since the chair is the one who looks at evaluations, and now that he has tenure, theres nothing that can really be done about him. He hasn't done a scrap of work or attempted to publish since he got tenure

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stuh505 Wrote:

Quote:

I'm not sure what you mean; in my response to the rape question, I meant the same thing that Phoenix said: that it's unfortunate, that in such a diverse world, we must take partial responsibility for being taken advantage of if we put ourselves into higher risk situations. If you jump into shark infested waters you must take some responsibility for the shark that bites you. Or the man that robs you for going into the bad part of town, or the man that rapes you because your boobs were bouncing around in his face. They don't deserve it, but it happens, and often (not always...) they are partially responsible for making themselves susceptible.

I don't care if a woman dances naked on your chest, the point is if you rape her YOU rape her. Should strippers then expect to be raped by the men that come to watch them dance? The only person responsible for raping someone is the person that did the raping, not the one that got raped.

There is a big difference between going into a bad neighborhood and getting robbed and being alseep in your own room in a good neighborhood and someone comes in and rapes you.

So, should we all stop having possessions because someone might steal them? The ultimate responsibility is our own. We, and we alone, are responsible for the actions that we do.

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Is Stuhs girlfriend, who believes in God, now dancing on the chest of his professor ?

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yo ho ho
and a bottle of rum

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squinney wrote:

Is Stuhs girlfriend, who believes in God, now dancing on the chest of his professor ?

http://web4.ehost-services.com/el2ton1/laughing1.gif

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Quote:

I don't care if a woman dances naked on your chest, the point is if you rape her YOU rape her. Should strippers then expect to be raped by the men that come to watch them dance? The only person responsible for raping someone is the person that did the raping, not the one that got raped.

There is a big difference between going into a bad neighborhood and getting robbed and being alseep in your own room in a good neighborhood and someone comes in and rapes you.

So, should we all stop having possessions because someone might steal them? The ultimate responsibility is our own. We, and we alone, are responsible for the actions that we do.

Yeah, I agree...but I don't know what your point is, none of this conflicts with what I said

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stuh505 Wrote:

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........we must take partial responsibility for being taken advantage of if we put ourselves into higher risk situations.

Perhaps I am misreading this? It seems you are still saying, though it is unfortunate, we MUST TAKE partial responsibility? If I am reading this wrong I sure do apologize. Wouldn't be the first time I misread or misunderstood something so just let me know if I did.

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IF a person puts themself into a situation which they know will increase their risks of something unfortunate happening, THEN they are partially responsible for those actions happening...you deny this?

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stuh505 wrote:

IF a person puts themself into a situation which they know will increase their risks of something unfortunate happening, THEN they are partially responsible for those actions happening...you deny this?

No, and I haven't been trying to deny it. But, like I said, there is a big difference between driving your car into a bad neighborhood and someone coming into your neighborhood and raping you.

Sure, if you didn't lock your vehicle, that much is your fault (only that you should have been more careful), but if it gets stolen, that is someone else's responsibility. But if someone comes into your neighborhood, your house, while you are asleep in bed, then you have absolutely no responsibility in this situation.

You just made it sound like there is never a case where only one person is responsible. But, could have been just the way I took it.

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What's the verdict stuh? Have you made any changes of mind or decisions?

:wink:

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Life's lessons can be hard to learn, and it's obvious stuh is having a tough time with this one.

It's kinda like the person who makes fun of blind people, and all of a sudden his own mother goes blind. Or the person who's prejudiced against gays and his daughter announces she's a lesbian.

Some would laugh and say it's poetic justice. I wouldn't go that far, but these kinds of incidents surely are Life's way of teaching us to be more tolerant.

I hope you recognize this as a lesson, stuh, and learn from it.

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Flushd,

it's an especially hard position for me because we have both applied to grad schools together and will not find out which ones we are accepted to for several months.

we both have nearly perfect gpa's (3.7 for me and 3.99 for her), research experience, and great resumes...but we applied to the top schools and the chances are one of us is going to have to settle for the other.

Although I love her and know that it is worth it, it is still a scary decision for me because it goes against my previous mode of thinking of my entire life. I've always held friends and lovers secondary to my life decisions. I think her mild religious openness is making it more difficult for me, because I have this small fear that some time down the road it may tear us apart.

Anyway, I have to take the risk because she is worth it and so perfect in so many other ways

And Eva, it is poetic justice. I don't know what I'm learning from it, but surely something

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Listen to your heart, stuh. It will tell you that mutual respect is the key.

Sounds easy, I know. And like everything that sounds easy, it isn't. But it's worth it.

You're both intelligent people. She can't prove there is a God, and you can't prove there isn't. It's an impasse. So if you really love her, it's time to stop dealing with this intellectually and use your heart. Agree to disagree. Agree to respect each other's beliefs. And mean it.

In order to have successful relationships, we have to do this over and over again, about many different things.

I wish you the best.

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Momma wrote:

So, should we all stop having possessions because someone might steal them? The ultimate responsibility is our own. We, and we alone, are responsible for the actions that we do.

We are of one mind on this issue. I think that women need to be careful though, simply because there are men out there who would take advantage of a situation.

I also think that there is a difference between date rape and the rape of strangers. In date rape, (which I believe is wrong) the man may have misinterpreted the signals given off by the woman. In playing the dating game, sometimes a man will get carried away, and push a situation beyond the point that the woman wanted. Sometimes the woman is giving mixed signals, the man "responds" and is unwilling to turn off.

I was once nearly date raped. I had gone out with this guy, and asked him to come back to my place for some coffee. I had no intention of having sex with this man.

Anyhow, he became very persistent, and all of a sudden, he was on top of me. I knew that this guy was not a rapist, just an overardent swain, with an itch that he wanted scratched. I let my voice go absolutely flat. I told him that I was very disappointed, and that I never expected such behavior from him. My ploy worked, as he apologized profusely, and left.

Would I have been raped if I had acted differently? Maybe. The point was that this encounter was about sex, not sadism.

My experience is quite different from the man who picks a strange woman at random, for no reason at all, and rapes her. Now we are talking about aggression, control, and pathology, not sex at all.

Yes, everyone is responsible for his/her own actions, but there needs to be an understanding that there are dangers out there, more in some places than others. When I go to Manhattan, I usually wear jeans with tight pockets where I can keep my wallet. I leave my diamond ring at home, if I am out in the city alone, or turn it around, so it is not obvious. I walk quickly, and don't count my money out in the street. I think that people who live in big cities have developed coping skills that are not as necessary in small towns.

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Thank you Eva, for your good wishes. It is hard, but I will try to respect her belief -- I will try hard.

Phoenix, well said. Also, your response to your date's overzealousness is one that other women would be wise to learn from.

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Stuh,

Wow. I'll be crossing my fingers for you regarding school. That's amazing.

I don't have any advice. Eva is doing such a great job, as well as others. I just want to wish you good luck. You've obviously put a lot of thought into this. I commend you for your forethought and honesty. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you.

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I feel sorry for you. My girlfriend's a Buddhist. She's rational.

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I probably would have much more difficulties with a redneck
type of person than someone who believes in God.

Good luck to you stuh, and as Eva said: let your heart decide!!

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stuh505 wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
Stuh, I too think that this is a losing battle for you. Even my husband and I, who have very similar beliefs, butt heads sometimes regarding spiritual issues. It sparks (as you well know) quite the large flame in most people.

Even if you can get past it, what about kids? How would you raise them?

A losing battle, you say...yet you haven't divorced your husband over the issue

Well, as I said, we have similar beliefs...not complete opposite beliefs.

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stuh505 wrote:

IF a person puts themself into a situation which they know will increase their risks of something unfortunate happening, THEN they are partially responsible for those actions happening...you deny this?

I deny this.

It doesn't matter one tiny iota what you are doing. Rape survivors and victims have NO responsibility in their rape. You are an idiot for saying so and obviously have not had the misfortune of dealing with rape. And I truly hope you never have to. It would be a sorry situation for the woman in your life to come home to you telling her she was partially responsible for having a part of her ripped out forever.

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My girlfriend believes in God

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