Just took a chance tonight to see if I might find a site that woule even approach this subject. Big surprise. Even more surprised at the exact subject matter of your questions. Looks like I am not the only one out there that may be dealing with this issue.
Did the on line dating thing, and, surprise, received a response from a widow of two years. I was so overpoweredd by her charm and beauty, that I thought I could ignore the obvious. It all came home the first time that I visited her home. It was a shrine to her deceased. It was scary. He was prior military, and it was like a museum. Photo's of him everywhere. and yes, in the bedroom as well.
We were out for a drive on the way to a nature walk, when the subject of her deceased came up and I must admit that I responded badly to his name being brought up. That very week, most of the pictures came down. In the bedroom as well. All of the military reminders were shipped of to the step kids. There are still selected photo's in variuous parts of the house and I make it a point not to make an issue of these remaining photo's, even though we became engaged after only four months.
The beautiful lady seems to, at regular intervals, crash and burn out when she gets too tired. The results of these crashes is that she attempts to end the new relationship. She still, on certain occasions, visits the grave site, as she says that she is comfortable there. Like it. NO. But I keep a sock in it so that I do not approach a sacred subject that may cause considerable damage to our new relationship.
I will admit that I am in totally new territory. Rules for dating a widow are totally different than dating a divorced woman. And I would much rather deal with an X than a deceased husband. It can be an emotional roller coaster at times, and it just comes out of nowhere. I have to be very careful of my responses, while lending support and listening when she wants to talk about her deceased. There are times when I think that I am really in over my head. But then I refocus on the woman that has turned my world upside down, in so many ways. She is worth it. I force myself to grow up, get over it, and cherish this lady that has allowed you to come in to her life. I will never use the word easy. His name comes up often in family gatherings. They had do kids together, but he did raise the two boys. It was a marriage of twenty two years. Sure wasn't a perfect marriage as she curses his behavior at times. But, it was still a marriage of twenty two years. Respect it.
It is not that I am just in new trritoty as she is as well. I pray that it will work out and become a very comfortable, yet exciting relationship. It is certainly exciting, but unpredictable at times. But it is new and fresh and filled with so many special moments. I am very fortunate.