Major Trouble Brewing-HELP!

eoe, maybe you should call him.... or demand he show up at your place for dinner tomorrow....?

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Okay. I've neglected to bring my husband, Reggie's father, into this, because that's a whole 'nother can of worms so inviting Joe over for dinner to talk about this is out. I'd have to see him during the day about it, when hubby is working. It's such a sensitive subject with my husband but I've certainly thought about laying it on him and maybe suggest that he talk to his son?-I mean, why should I carry this alone?-but I just don't have the heart. He would be mortified at the thought of Reggie and Joe...

Then again, I'm sure it's crossed his mind. When Reggie did Joe's hair, turns out, my husband knew about it before I did but said nothing to me. I was surprised by that and when I asked him why, he simply shrugged and said rather gruffly that it slipped his mind. Joe is not his favorite person and last year, with no coaching from me, he asked if I thought Joe was gay. He picked up on something, I don't know what, but was blind to his own son for as long as he could be. Confused

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eoe,

Sorry to hear about your predicament. One thing that jumps out at me is telling Joe, IMO, is a good idea but it only protects that one person. What have you done with the rest of Reggies boyfriends? Don't they have an equal right to know?

I think telling Joe is a good idea, but in order to protect the rest of society, getting through to Reggie is the bigger better solution.

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http://www.aegis.com/news/upi/1998/UP980508.html

not NEARLY the same situation...but here is an example of someone being charged for knowingly having aids, having sex and NOT telling the partner they HAD aids..
( granted, this is a rape case..but)
If someone knows they have aids, as i have stated before, and infects someone else and has not TOLD them that they have aids to begin with, can bring about manslaughter charges.. and other legal charges.

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Yikes, Eoe. This is a mess.

I was thinking along the same lines as jp. Put me in the Zane/Osso camp for giving Joe the info straight out and, if your older stepson is correct, I'd take steps to make sure Reggie stops prowling or I'd out his HIV status.

I have a hard time believing any state would prosecute someone for outing their stepson's HIV status if he was acting in a manner that is a danger to the public health. I'm sure those laws are to protect the employment, insurability of the HIV positive individual, not to allow him to infect large numbers of gay men.

Good luck! I don't wish this situation on anyone, but I wouldn't play games with it either.

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You've gotta say something to both Reggie and Joe. Talk about drama.

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Eoe--

Last night was corned beef and Brussels sprouts with boiled potatoes.
Delicious.

The celery was for egg salad made with cottage cheese instead of mayonnaise.

Emily Post and I think that under the circumstances since Joe is your half of the family, since Joe is elusive, and since telephone conversations can be more detached that face-to-face confrontations that Telling Joe All on the phone is perfectly acceptable.

Then do something absolutely glamorous and self-indulgent because you've dealt with a messy situation that was none of your making.

Hold your dominion.

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I make my egg salad with cottage cheese too, Noddy.

eoe, this really is a horrendous situation for you. I agree that talking to Joe by phone is fine. Talking (nailing) Reggie could be turned over to your husband, but should probably be done in person.

I'm thinking of you...

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Quote:

Some states impose a legal obligation on people infected with HIV to notify their partners. For example, in Indiana, HIV positive individuals who fail to notify present and past partners may be subject to a penalty of 180 days in jail and/or a fine of $1,000.6 In Michigan, health care providers administering HIV tests are required to refer clients testing positive to the local health department if they believe that the individual needs assistance with partner notification. The local health department, in turn, informs individuals that they are legally obligated to notify their partners and the health department is required to notify them as well.7

Some states, like Texas, require health care providers to notify partners of all HIV positive patients regardless of whether the patient has done the notification.8 Other states authorize, but do not require, physicians and/or public health officials to notify partners of individuals who have tested positive for HIV, even without the consent of the patient.

http://www.aclu.org/HIVAIDS/HIVAIDS.cfm?ID=5015&c=21

Might be worth finding out what the applicable jurisdiction requires.

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I hear what you're saying about Reggie but there really isn't anything that I can do about that, not being in a position to ever meet his boyfriends let alone issue any warnings. He's 23 and lives with his mother who, ironically, is a retired in-home healthcare provider having had several AIDS patients in the past. She keeps him on his meds and takes care of him and he appears healthy but their relationship...well, strained most of the time, but on the other hand, they seem to be inseperable. I doubt he ever moves away from home.
But Joe. He truly is my charge, my Godson, the only child to a cousin who has been more like a sister to me than my actual sister and she's counting on me to keep an eye out. I must talk with him. Soon. Tomorrow.

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Eoe--

I'll be thinking of you--Good Woman, Nasty Job.

Hold your dominion.

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Thanks Noddy. I'll let you all know how this works out.

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so what have you decided to do?

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Talk to Joe. And I'll probably take the weed-sharing route. It really is the safest way to go because I honestly don't want to delve into the are-you-gay thing with him at this stage. As long as he practices safe sex, regardless of who he's having sex with, I'll leave him in his closet, if he is in the closet, for awhile longer.

Perhaps I'll bring it up with Reggie someday but he'll tell me that he's upfront and honest with his partners, whether he is or not, because he'll think it's what I want to hear. Talking to someone like this about anything serious feels like such a waste of time. They can never be straight-up with you about anything.

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Eoe--

I hate playing "Let's Pretend" with grownups.

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Whew!
Just got off the phone with Joe a little while ago. He admitted that he and Reggie have been hanging out. I didn't question that but went on with informing him of Reggie's HIV status. He was stunned.
"Wha....???" was all that he could say.
I didn't give him a chance to say much else but went right into my sharing joints and drinks routine, acknowledging the rarity of contracting the virus that way but adding "you never know so just be careful". I also stressed to him that only the very immediate family knows this about Reggie and he promised me that he would not tell another soul. I threatened him with bodily harm if he does, he assured me again that he wouldn't and that was that. We chatted about other things and it didn't sound like he was upset or anything but, I just wonder what's going through his head right now? Don't think I'd really want to know, tho.

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I did NOT think you would be so direct.
Id pat you on the back right now because you deserve it.
now- time to wait and see what kind of back lash you may get from doing that.

good job.

Major Trouble Brewing-HELP!

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