Major Trouble Brewing-HELP!

Let me revise what I said a bit:

While talking to Joe, I think you can operate from the mindset that they're just platonic friends and this is some info you're slipping into the conversation for no particular reason.

But in making the decision of what to do, I think you need to acknowledge that the stakes are higher than that.

Acknowledge to whom, soz? We, you and I, know this already but if Joe is 'straight'...it's null and void, right? One thing I did think about... Reggie smokes weed. I don't know if Joe does or not, he says he doesn't but is he gonna tell me??? But maybe I can just assume that he does and take it from there, issuing a warning? What do you think about that? You know, the dangers of passing the joint and that sort of thing?

I swear, I try and live my life, stay out of other peoples' business but sometimes, in the immortal words of Michael Corleone, "I try to get out and they keep pulling me back in".

All I wanted was for our families to mesh, my husband and mine. That's all. Forge comfortable relationships, just one big happy tribe. But I get this here? Go figure.

To yourself.

I think dangers of passing a joint are the least of the possible worries -- pretty sure that HIV can't or very rarely can be transmitted via saliva. (There was an article today in the NYT about how "familiarity" becomes "truth" when it comes to medical advice -- I remember that there's something about HIV and saliva but I can't remember which way it goes. Can look it up.)

Anyway, what I'm saying is that if there is even a slight chance that Joe could contract HIV from Reggie -- and from what you've said, there is at least a slight chance -- it is your responsibility to tell Joe about Reggie's status. I mean, it's Reggie's responsibility, and it's Joe's to practice safe sex, but I still think that when it comes to you and what you should do, remaining mum and crossing fingers doesn't do it, ethically. If Joe gets HIV and you could have prevented it with a word or two...?

eoe, but you can't get HIV from sharing a joint.

OK, I was right about saliva (more towards never than rarely though):



http://www.mnaidsproject.org/learn/transmission.htm

I thought that if you had saliva and a cut or open sore in the mouth or on the lips...

Sure, if. (Not very common...?) But you're right, that could be your opening if that's how you'd like to broach it in a non-sexual context.

By all means feign ignorance and use the weed smoking as a starter!

Doesn't that sound good? Maybe I'll come across as being a little less sophisticated than I like to be about these things but hell, I'll feign ignorance to get the point across.

Sure!

certainly seems like a good place to lose a little cool for a good reason.

Could you worry about poor Reggie getting very tired because of his illness?

Potatoes are peeled. I'll be chopping celery.

The amount of saliva it would take to ensure transmission of the HIV virus is something like 5 gallons.. Simply because-
1) the acid in normal saliva makes it next to impossible for the HIV virus to survive..

2) the HIV virus has to survive in 98 degree liquid. Salive naturally drops its temperature when in the mouth - via cold air through breathing-

so no. the chances of passing it from kissing, saliva, or sharing a joint would hit the medical books immediatly.

i typed in gallons..

i ment CUPS.. hehe
5 gallons of spit.. ok.. not a pretty thought..

reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. The man produced a lot of spit.

Whoa. That is quite the mess, fo' so'.

I agree with the general idea of the advice being given. Slip in little bits of info in a casual way.
Spread it on thick: you can easily pass this off as motherly concern

Since Joe's sexuality is somewhat unknown, and young people have a way of sneaking things under the radar: I would think this would be a situation to go ahead and be bold. You do not necessarily have to disclose Reggie's HIV status( it may be illegal: I don't know) ; but you could speak about HIV and sex in a general way.
What's the worse that could happen if you did this? You could embarass him. Big deal. In the process of bringing these things up: you will give them both the message that you are paying attention. That you are 'watching'.
It sounds like Reggie doesn't much care what others think/ or how they are affected at this point in his life. If that's the case, it would definetly be a plus to 'let your presence be known'.

BTW; I am not 100% sure on this, but I think that is some places if a person is HIV positive, and they have proven themselves (or you can give good reason) that they are putting others at risk by not disclosing their status, the above legal concerns are nixed. Basically; if someone has good reason to believe that someone who is HIV + is putting others at risk; they should go ahead and speak up without worrying about any legal liabilities. Makes sense to me . Even though I explained it as clear as muddy water

But what do I know? I've never had to deal with this sorta situation

Hell, neither have I. Before now. But I sure do appreciate your input.

Would it be completely wussie to let Joe know about Reggie over the phone? Spare us both? Between my work schedule and his school and social schedule, it could be a week or more before I actually see Joe. On the other hand, it's Tuesday night, a big club night for the gay kids here and, for all I know, Joe and Reggie could be together right now. Hmmm, I was supposed to see Joe last Friday and he cancelled and then we were supposed to hook up yesterday and he cancelled again. Should I be worried? He's never cancelled on me before like this.
Good grief, I'm giving myself a headache.

Noddy, what did you fix for dinner tonight?

All my instincts are to just tell Joe, as Zane said, and fairly explicitly. I guess I don't entirely get protecting the near adult young from information, since they spend a lot of time screening batches of stuff from the seeming adult world.. As to mentioning Joe's name, I dunno. I might. I don't get being polite about a virus. It is a killer but only a virus. I am not a fault caster.

I have friends who had hiv death sentences- still do, have managed the virus, who are sort of surprised to be alive now. They are all completely informative about their status, the adult way.

I guess I don't get the pussyfooting, but I may be impatient tonight.