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Tue 30 Aug, 2005 08:33 am
I have a friend whos oldest son choose porn for a career.
He is 28 and his mother is throwing a fit.
She has threatned to 'disown' him if he goes with his choice.
A little strange I think , but that is my opinion.
What would you do or how would you feel if YOUR child , as an adult, choose the porn industry for a job?
The porn industry is a huge industry . It will withstand almost any economical situation. Even the poorest of people contribute to the product.
Cheap magazines , movies etc.
I think there is a good amount of job stability for a porn star.
But how would you feel about it?
And if you watch it yourself and are ok with it, would knowing your child is choosing that as a career change how you feel about it?
That's tough. I always say I don't have a problem with it but I don't know how I'd feel if my child wanted to do it.
i would feel very torn.
I wouldnt HATE bean , or be upset with her, but i doubt i would be comfortable with it.
but then again.. if she was an adult, and completely aware of the effects of being in the sex industry.. i cant say i would FREAK OUT.
i think i would spend time trying to introduce her to something else..
i dunno..
I'd be pretty bummed about it.
Most of the stories you here from porn actors/actresses aren't all that happy. Most of them have travelled down a rough road to get to where they are and I sure wouldn't want that for a child of mine.
Even if their path there wasn't a rough one I wouldn't want it for my child. Now I think looking at porn occasionally is fine... but in my mind it is a very degrading profession. Especially today when each video that comes out seems to get a little more disturbing. DP, trying to break the world record of sex partners at one time, bondage, bestiality... it just gets sicker and sicker, IMO.
And that doesn't even take into consideration the dangers of the profession. Nope... I wouldn't want it for my kids at all
would you be willing to talk your child out of it?
or would you just accept their choice?
You'd have to accept the choice. I mean, I'd try and talk to them and make sure they knew what they were getting into but in the end, it's their choice.
No WAY!
I'd definitely be a freak out Mom!
From what I've heard, most that end up in that field of "work" see it as a last resort.
And, if you're okay with watching porn, imagine how awful to pick up a flick at the local adult shop, pop it in the vcr and see... YOUR DAUGHTER!!!
There goes the mood!
uhh.. yeah
that would freak me the hell out.
so how would you talk to them?
what would you say?
Just " F-K NO ! GET IN THE HOUSE! YOUR GROUNDED"
I'd for sure talk them out of it. Would I go so far as disowning them??? I doubt it. But if any child of mine decided to join the porn industry, I would imagine my failure as a parent happened long before that and the relationship had already been strained for some time. Most people just don't wake up one morning and decide to become porn stars... or do they???
I'd be pissed as hell and very sad at the same time. If they were an adult I couldn't forbid them from doing it, but they can be certain that they will have to live with the consequences of their decision. Don't come running to me when and if something goes wrong and you want me to bail you out of trouble. Will I help??? Probably... but there will be conditions and consequences.
I have watched porn and even tho its entertaining I dont look at the people in them in an admirable way.
Hopefully if I had kids id bring them up to do something else.I cant say 'bring them up to have a brain' because Im sure alot of porn people are clever and have qualifications etc and as you say alot of money can be made from it.
Id be worried about what people thought of them and Id also worry about diseases.They say they are regualrly screened but how many people 'slip through'.
Truthfully id freak out and be very dissapointed in my child and I wouldnt hesitate in telling them if they asked.If they couldnt take criticism from their own mother then they will have a tough journey ahead of them from other people.
shewolfnm wrote:uhh.. yeah
that would freak me the hell out.
so how would you talk to them?
what would you say?
Just " F-K NO ! GET IN THE HOUSE! YOUR GROUNDED"
Yeah, that works for me.
I might also throw in that she would seriously be messing up plans her Dad and I have been making for when all the kids are finally out of the house!
Son or daughter, I'd be pretty concerned. More for their emotional health than anything else. I mean, what is going on that someone wants to risk their life in order to have sex on screen? Something odd there; an extreme sex-with-no-emotional-attachments issue.
Furthermore, the repercussions of this choice will follow this guy for the rest of his life. Didn't HBO have a series on this? "Family Business" or somesuch? I seem to recall a guy who found it impossible to get into a real relationship because of his history in porn.
why would the porn industry be a reflection of bad parenting?
Alot of people choose the porn industry for money, and a type of ' fame'. On top of that, as I said before, it is an industry that ISNT going anywhere.
Job security? Oh yes.. its there. As is a great health plan if you pick certain companies that is..
People in porn make good money. Dont ever doubt that. And need to major schooling.. hmm..
Yes, there are people who are truly fked up in the head and sexually abused who choose porn but not all.
It is a job, just like other things. It is just a job that requires nudity and sex.
Why would it be a reflection of bad parenting?
Because sex is supposed to mean something. Because I don't believe we are supposed to give our bodies to others with no emotional attachment. Because it degrades the spirit to sell ones body. Because I think there would have to be some kind of lack of self esteem to talk oneself into thinking having sex with strangers for everyone else to watch is okay. If those messages weren't conveyed somewhere through the years of parenting, the parents might feel they had failed.
Prostitution can be a highly profitable business, too. Would it be okay for Bean to be a prostitute?
I don't know, Shewolf, it seems to me that pornography often involves violence and humiliation. So much so, that I've pretty much given it up.
As an aside, I'd say that this is an effect of the race to produce cheaper flicks, and to distinguish one's brand in the market.
I don't think it's bad parenting. I think it's a decision made by people who like sex and want to make money. I don't think it reflects a distortion of sex (although sometimes yes) and I don't think that these people are all messed up in the head. It's like Medical Examiners. Some people can handle hacking up a body. Some people can't. Most people I know balk at the idea of prying someones ribs apart with a rib spreader. But others can handle it because it's their job. They don't take that home with thme and have a desire to disect bodies. They are able to seperate themselves from their work. Same with porn stars. The sex they have is not making love. It's just plain old intercourse. It isn't the same thing they'd do with a spouse.
Bella Dea wrote:You'd have to accept the choice. I mean, I'd try and talk to them and make sure they knew what they were getting into but in the end, it's their choice.
This was the difficult place my brother landed in when his daughter, now 34...she was 23 at the time.. decided to enter the (as she put it) Adult Film Industry. My brother was worried and concerned but realized it was her life and he talked with her as did some female family members (her mom had passed on a few years earlier). My brother said to me afterwards, that it was going to eat at him and hurt like hell, but even worse would be if he turned his back on her and he wanted her to know she still had a loving family and that her choices would always be accepted. My niece did work in a few films and then moved on to the next chapter of her life, fortunately she did not contract any disease from that time and she is now married and seems happy.
I think, the porn industry is just a legal and more PC form of prositution. It is sex for money. I see no diffrence. I dont hate people who choose it, but if it were MY daughter I would be devistated. No doubt about it.
most porn is exactly as DD said
" it seems to me that pornography often involves violence and humiliation. ""
The violence is more of a 'specific styke' of porn, but most of the run of the mill porn is all about making the woman appear to be a slut. Having sex with any part of her no matter what it is and portraying it as 'male dominance'
shewolfnm wrote:why would the porn industry be a reflection of bad parenting?
Alot of people choose the porn industry for money, and a type of ' fame'. On top of that, as I said before, it is an industry that ISNT going anywhere.
Job security? Oh yes.. its there. As is a great health plan if you pick certain companies that is..
People in porn make good money. Dont ever doubt that. And need to major schooling.. hmm..
Yes, there are people who are truly fked up in the head and sexually abused who choose porn but not all.
It is a job, just like other things. It is just a job that requires nudity and sex.
There are a lot of jobs out there that pay good and offer good security but are not something I would want my children to do. Drug dealers, scam artists, prostitution, politician ( :wink: )... etc.
Sure some people are in it for fame and money but lets be realistic here. There are only a couple of people out of thousands who ever actually become famous and rich off of it. The people who make the money are those that sell the movies not the actual people in the movies. In the mean time you have to degrade yourself more and more each time in order to make more money. Only a few people ever reach the level of superstar and even they usually have had a difficult disturbing life up until then.
squinney wrote:Why would it be a reflection of bad parenting?
Because sex is supposed to mean something. Because I don't believe we are supposed to give our bodies to others with no emotional attachment. Because it degrades the spirit to sell ones body. Because I think there would have to be some kind of lack of self esteem to talk oneself into thinking having sex with strangers for everyone else to watch is okay. If those messages weren't conveyed somewhere through the years of parenting, the parents might feel they had failed.
I couldn't agree more. Good post Squinney.
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