5
   

How to handle - middle school bus bullying/sexual talk?

 
 
Linkat
 
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 10:50 am
My middle schooler for the first time told me yesterday that her older sister was going to drive her to school. I asked - is it because it is so cold? Previously in severe cold weather I have offered to drive her to school and she prefers the bus so she can hang with her friends.

She tells me that 2 twin boys on the bus are saying mean things to another boy - one who was held back. She didn't give me specifics so I asked if she felt comfortable speaking with the principal or teacher at school. She said the boys would just deny it.

Then she told me what they did - they would yell so and so is raping us (referring to the boy who was held back). This has been going on regularly. My daughter also told me on cold days they are drawing penises on the windows. I asked her what has caused the problem to the point where she no longer wants to take the bus - she said yesterday they were screaming really loud rape him! Rape him! towards the held back boy.

My older daughter drove her to school today and I called the school - I was referred to the asst. principal - he was going into a meeting and I was told he would get back to me as soon as he was out - I haven't heard yet -

What would you do?
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 11:07 am
@Linkat,
Quote:
the boys would just deny it
if your daughter has a video-capable phone, i would tell her to record the bullying... evidence...
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 01:38 pm
@Region Philbis,
Ah sounds like it is all taken care of -finally heard from the school - they have video on the bus - the only concern was the older kids sit on the back of the bus (school policy - they sit by grade) - but according to my daughter they were screaming the words the other day so it should be able to be heard.

Also, school did not seem surprised at the mention of who the boys were. I was told I would get a follow up call tomorrow on what was found/determined. I was told she should feel comfortable and not have to worry on the bus going forward.
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 01:39 pm
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:

Quote:
the boys would just deny it
if your daughter has a video-capable phone, i would tell her to record the bullying... evidence...


I did actually tell her that -if she were on the bus again and anything were to happen - she could record it on her phone - I did tell her she could keep her phone down and just get the audio if she didn't want anyone to know she was videotaping.
Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 01:59 pm
@Linkat,

sounds like your's is not the first complaint the school has received concerning the twins...
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:01 pm
Headphones for your daughter, too.

They keep doing this because they get a reaction. Ignore them.
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:03 pm
@Linkat,
I haven't read the rest of the posts yet, Linkat, just reacting.

In my long life I've never taken a school bus (lived near or used city bus), but I can envision situations festering.
dalehileman
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:08 pm
@Linkat,
http://able2know.org/topic/362462-1
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:11 pm
@ossobucotemp,
It bothered her so much that she didn't want to take the bus which before she preferred it so she had some more social times with her friends.

She is 14 so one of the older kids on the bus - the bus would have children as young as 10 - imagine how it must seem to the 10 year olds if it bothered her so much.

And she isn't a scared type person normally. I don't think it was being scared as much as uncomfortable and not wanting to hear that or view those inappropriate things. She has stood up for someone under at least one circumstance that I am aware of - a child's parent told me - she spoke up to several other girls that were being mean to one of their friends. So it isn't like she is afraid - just doesn't want to be exposed to it.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:32 pm
@Linkat,
I understand. I read your posts when they show up and consider them in the wise column, and I observe good modes over the years from your daughters.

I don't know where the twins thing came from, maybe I misread this thread, but if so, it might be a matter of one family's pathology. If so, I'm even sorry for the bullies as that is a bad route to a good life... but I'm more worried about the bullied kid.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:34 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Also, I'm curious re the bus driver's behaviour.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 03:36 pm
My Mother used to say, "You don't have to answer every barking dog."

Learning when to speak up and/or act will hopefully come as she matures. It's a tough call.

In the meantime, headphones help one to detach from all the chaos.

(My 10 year old grandson had a similar incident. Bus ride - teasing from a kid who was yelling a very provocative chant on the bus. Ryan told him to shut up, "We all don't want to hear that stuff." The kid jumped over and started to punch Ryan and he responded back. Everyone got detentions. At home, mom and dad tried to offer some alternatives to his getting "involved." Although, god knows, we need people to speak up once in a while. )

Edit: Oh, I forgot. My grandson is a very good soccer player and used his feet in the fight. I suppose that's where he got in the trouble, since he landed one the troublemaker in a delicate spot.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 04:15 pm
@ossobucotemp,
I thought so too and was going to mention it, but we have had so many issues with bus drivers -

Not bus drivers fault and probably the only incident in which the bus driver handled things right - her bus a couple of years ago was shot at -

One bus driver was fired for allowing kids to get up and change the radio station; another was on the wrong side of the street and hit a neighbor (high school boy)'s car; now this bus driver seems to be afraid of the kids - found out later from my daughter this same bus driver hit the stop sign outside the school entrance as well.

Maybe they are all afraid of getting fired for anything so they keep their mouths shut.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  4  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 04:19 pm
@PUNKEY,
The one thing though - you can't always just ignore it - even if it doesn't pertain to you - just imagine if someone spoke up for some of these other kids that were bullied --- think Columbine -- I know of another girl from a town not far from here - she committed suicide as a result of bullying.

I asked my daughter if this boy being teased seemed upset. She said he doesn't say anything but his face turns red. I said well it is obviously bothering him. And went on to say that is why someone needs to speak up for him. He is trying to ignore it, but it isn't going away. He doesn't want to be a tattle tale so if you speak up (via through me) we can put a stop to it.

My husband mentioned - you don't know where someone's breaking point is - and how they might handled it once it is broken.
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 10 Jan, 2017 05:35 pm
@Linkat,
Take your kids out of public school.
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 11 Jan, 2017 07:14 am
@Finn dAbuzz,
My kids used to go to private school - there is good and bad about both. The private school they went to was very small - the good was we all knew each other-it was family like. We did have an incident there once, I contacted the administrator (same type position as principal) - when I mentioned it was a small issue, she corrected that it was not and that it would be taken care of. I had no doubt it would be and never had a problem again. And being in private does not prevent bullying and sexual talk - it is easier to squash it once it starts if you have a very good school administrator but it doesn't stop it from starting.

The bad - it was small...you were limited on teacher knowledge .... ie one teacher would need to teach more than one subject matter so for instance my daughter did a project on dolphins - my daughter interviewed a marine biologist specializing in whales and dolphins so in her report she wrote that dolphins live in the oceans and rivers. The teacher corrected it saying that dolphins do not live the rivers - untrue there is a river dolphin --- quite rare species but there is a river dolphin. Similar for things like foreign languages you are limited because money-wise to pay for a teacher specializing in Spanish or French or other - it doesn't make sense.

So as they approached middle school - and we moved to a better school system it made sense academically to attend public. And you cannot keep your child sheltered forever even if you were to home-school. At some point they need to enter the "real" world.

Funny my older daughter is a senior - one of the colleges she applied to is a Christian college. Their essays as you would suspect were a bit different. In one she wrote how attending a public school after attending a private Christian school made her a better Christian. I think it solidifies your beliefs - and makes you stronger when you have to deal with people who may not have as strong as values or different values than your own. It opens your eyes to others and their values and allows you to think about what is important to you and what you value. At some point your children are going to need to learn to work/handle others that are different than you and have different values good, bad or simply just different. Better they do so when they are in your home and can discuss it with you, than away at college or after in their own apartment or at work.

Is it perfect - no - but neither was private school. As long as the school is willing to help out and put a stop to this behavior my daughter will learn from it and it will help her in the future how to appropriately deal with it.
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Jan, 2017 11:04 am
@Linkat,
Link, more such parents shojld be so concerned about their offspring
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 02:58 pm
She got a ride to school today again from her sister, but took the bus home. The troublesome boys were not onboard. The other kids thought they were afraid.

The Asst. principal went onboard the bus yesterday before it left the school and called the boys out. (this was after discussions in school) - He made it clear that those words and the teasing and pictures were not acceptable.

One of my daughter's friends said it was awesome when the principal did that. They were speculating who tattled - my daughter and another girl was mentioned. My daughter said I don't care I can take them out. I asked her how big they were - she said a little taller than me, but they are skinny. I can punch them out.

I guess a while ago - one of these twin's friends punched another boy (a friend of my daughter) who is smaller and a year younger and he was suspended from riding the bus. When they were all outside one day - the boy who punched my daughter's friend threatened to hit him again. My daughter stepped in - told him if he did, she would hit him with this tennis racket she had in her head and proceeded to chase him with it. He promised not to hit him again. The other kids were laughing, but she was serious.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 03:32 pm
@Linkat,
By golly, I think I like her.
dalehileman
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 05:05 pm
@roger,
Yea Rog me too but why am I the only a2k'er hoping to find more profiles
 

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