Mon 24 Jun, 2024 07:24 pm
he other day my son was helping me get groceries out of the car, he comes out and flexes his arms telling me how strong he is. I watch him as he proceeds to reach into the car and grab the gallon of milk, from the minute he picked it up he struggled pretty significantly to carry it into the house, he basically dropped it bringing it out of the car, And he struggled even more putting it up on the table. I would have done it for him but he said he wanted to do it himself so I let him. He was so proud of himself after that. He started running around the house with his shirt off flexing his arms again and really bragging that he brought the milk in to the house by himself and that he’s stronger than all of us I meanINSIDE THOUGHT “ calm down there little guy, don’t brag about a milk jug you could barely lift. I just watched you flex your muscles and explain how strong you were, then struggle to even lift a simple milk jug, even when you used both of your hands and all of your body weight, you struggled literally the entire time, from the very second you picked it up. you needed me to put it up on the counter for you. Oh yeah and on top of that, You still to stay, aren’t you strong enough to open the back door.
Today my daughter insisted she turned off a couple of the lights that we left on as we were leaving the house, I watched her get up on her stepstool, stretch out her arms, and start jumping, still barely grazing the switch, I’m pretty sure she just got lucky given that she had to jump up so many times. She then was bragging about how she was tall and able to reach the light switches. I mean INSIDE THOUGHT “ Chill out. kiddo, i just watched you climb up on your stepstool, stretch your arms up, and even need to jump as high as you could. You had to readjust your stepstool a good four or five times on a single switch, and on all of the switches you were jumping for quite a long time, even so once you finally got it, your finger is barely raised it. On top of that, little one, I just picked you up and put you in your car seat because you still are not tall enough to climb in yourself.
So why would I pretend that they both put in an actual good effort? What is impressive about bringing a little milk jug inside or flipping three average switches? Here we are a couple of seconds ago, having to help my son open his Capri Sun, my daughter giving me a hug and all I can do is rub her hair because she is so short.
@Mommaabear,
Because you want to be encouraging as it helps their self-esteem, rather than being a killjoy who will grind them down.
@jespah,
But parents are pretending that their kids put in a genuine actual effort. Plus these activities can be done in a matter of seconds. There isn’t anything impressive about bringing a little milk jug inside, or flipping a switch.
@Mommaabear,
These things might not be impressive to you because you're a grown up and have presumably done them many times. Your kids are learning to do them - just like you had to once - and are proud of their achievements.
Maybe try to encourage them for the 'genuine actual effort' they are putting in. The alternative is that they never try to do anything themselves and you spend your life doing everything for them.
@cherrie,
So what is impressive about my son barely being able to lift a little milk jug? I’m not joking, he came up to me flexing his arms then immediately struggled with the milk even with all of his body weight and both hands.
What’s impressive about flipping a switch? My daughter just got lucky because On every single switch I watched as she got up on her stepstool and reached her arms out, she spent most of the time readjusting her stepstool and jumping. Like I said she honestly got lucky because when she finally did get her fingers barely grazed it. Yet moments ago, she ran over and gave me a hug while telling me how tall she is and that she’s going to turn the lights off. All I could do to show affection was tussle the very top of Her head because… She isn’t very tall… She was literally hugging my shin/knees.
These tasks can be done in a matter of seconds and really are not a big deal at all. that’s why I’m not understanding why parents always pretend that their kids put in a really good effort.
here’s another one, my daughter loves to tell me how fast she is. But when I’m walking with her she has a hard time keeping up, and I’m walking actually walking really slow and still, she has a hard time. I actually had to carry her through the store because she wasn’t able to keep up alongside everyone else who was also in the store. Yet here she is today still claiming to be very fast and really tall.
What is impressive about having to be carried through the store because you can’t walk fast enough to keep up? Even when you claim to be super fast?
@Mommaabear,
Look, they're KIDS! They are learning every moment they're awake. Regardless of HOW they achieved their purpose, they did it and should be commended on doing it, no matter how small the project was. The fact is that they wanted to do it and then they did it. Their first art project won't be a masterpiece but you're not going to tell them that, are you? Criticism just kills incentive.
If you can't see that, there's no point talking with you.
@Mommaabear,
What do you mean by "good effort"? Are these kids in their 30s? Because the effort it would take an adult vs. a preschooler to perform any of these tasks isn't neurologically, biologically the same thing, at all.
Of course there is nothing objectively impressive about anyone doing these things, but why do you feel you must be impressed by your children? You don't need to be patronizing to encourage them, nor do you have to wait to be impressed by their physical abilities compared to adults to show them praise.
If it helps you, consider that their developing brains are doing things now that your brain is quite literally incapable of doing. That's at least remarkable, if not altogether impressive.
I'm no doctor or scientist, and I don't have kids, so maybe I'm wrong and it's actually a good idea to be emotionally withholding toward children. But there's data out there, if you feel inclined to look into it. If nothing else, it'll give you an idea what to expect as the kids get older... that is, assuming they're not in their 30s.
@Mommaabear,
Ok you cannot possibly be a real mommabear if you are talking like this.
They are putting in a good effort. They may have never done this before and because of their size it is harder for them. They just accomplished something they never had before. If you diminish that (assuming you are truly a mommabear) your children will give up any effort.
Compare this to say you making website, writing a novel, painting a work of art, diagnosing a sick patient, putting out a fire on a burning house...can you do all these skills? Well it appears you are not putting in much an effort.
Not to mention you are a real kill joy, you must be a lot of fun to be around.
There’s such a thing as a parent building character and a feeling of self-worth that a mature adult parent should know about. This post is written as though it were from the viewpoint of a young adult or someone who has no idea of parenthood.
@Mommaabear,
Mommaabear wrote:
But parents are pretending that their kids put in a genuine actual effort. Plus these activities can be done in a matter of seconds. There isn’t anything impressive about bringing a little milk jug inside, or flipping a switch.
Talk to me again when you get into your 70's, Mzz Perfection Mom
@Mommaabear,
How old is your son and daughter?
FFS, it's a harmless little pantomime which makes the parent and the child feel good for a few moments.
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