Hello, new to the forum and not sure if this an appropriate platform to talk about this subject. Not easy for me to be honest, I'm normally a very reserved person which is why I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this, even my best friends.
Hubby and I have been married for over twenty years, we have two great daughters, a lovely house in the north of Scotland and until recently a pretty good sex life, if maybe not very adventurous.
I always knew sexual attraction between me and my husband would eventually cool down a bit, so when he started losing interest in me, rejecting my advances and making excuses at bedtime I wasn't too worried. I just thought "well that's normal, after all I'm not exactly miss universe anymore, as long as he still loves me". I also put it down to a reduction in sex drive, maybe lower testosterone due to his age (he's in his mid 40s) but hey no biggie, I've got my toys and I'm not afraid to use them
But then a few months ago I was using his computer and on the desktop I noticed a shortcut to a browser we never use, so I got a bit suspicious and opened it up. I wanted to see if he'd been using it secretly to look at porn, not that I have a problem with that, I know most men do it but I was just curious to see if maybe that was why he wasn't interested in me, maybe he had some sort of porn addiction.
I worked out how to get into the browser history and was shocked to find that not only had he been looking at porn on a daily basis, but all the pages and searches were about cuckolding scenarios, where the husband films the wife having sex with other men.
I couldn't understand it because we'd never talked about this, we always share all our sexual fantasies and when we were younger we did all sorts of kinky things, role play, we even went to a sex party once (even though we didn't actually do anything) so why wouldn't he just tell me?
That night I confronted him with it, he was mortified and really apologetic about the porn. I told him I didn't care about the porn in itself but why had he never told me about these fantasies?
He said he felt ashamed of them and worried that I would think he didn't love me or didn't value me anymore. He also said that he couldn't stop thinking about it, he masturbates to these videos and imagines that the woman is me and that he is the one filming.
He said "I know you would never agree to it, so what was the point in talking about it?"
This made me a bit upset because we've always shared everything in the past, and if he'd told me this sooner it wouldn't actually have shocked me that much, god know I've been round the block and as I said I've done my share of weird things in my time.
I'm not here to ask if you think his fantasy is normal, I've done my research and to my astonishment I discovered that this is one of the most popular male fantasies and definitely on the rise, in fact the most common searches on porn sites these days are to do with cuckolding or hotwifing as it's also called.
The reason for this post is to ask if other women have any personal experience of this, either discussing it with their partners or actually going through with it.
After the initial embarrassment, my husband really opened up about his fantasy and I tried to go along with it rather than making him feel dirty, as I didn't think that would make the fantasy go away, he'd just go back to masturbating in secret.
The first time we had sex after the incident I decided to indulge his fantasy, so when I was on top of him I started talking about doing it with another guy, someone from my office who's a real hunk. We've often joked about him in the past as this guy is constantly flirting with all the women including myself, of course I've never responded but I used to like trying to make my husband jealous by telling him how good looking this guy was and how I might run away with him one day if my husband wasn't careful... Little did I know he secretly wished for this to happen!
Anyway when I was telling him all this stuff I wasn't really into it at first, but the more I saw how much it turned him on, the more I started to enjoy it, and after a while the idea stopped seeming so outrageous and I became incredibly aroused. It was the best sex we'd had in years and I even climaxed which for me is really rare unless I use a vibrator.
Needless to say, the next time (which wasn't much later) we both wanted to experience it again so I repeated the scenario but this time made it slightly more extreme.
This has now become a regular part of our sex life, each time the scenarios we imagine become more outrageous and I've got to say I'm really enjoying it. So what's the problem, I hear you ask?
The fact is, he now keeps talking about actually making it happen for real and I'm really in two minds about it. I must admit a part of me would love to experience the thrill of an extreme situation like that, but I'm terrified that it might go horribly wrong.
After all, fantasy and reality are two very different things. Reality never quite plays out the way you imagine it, and if we go through with something like this, there's no taking it back. Once I've been with another man and my husband has seen it, there's no doubt in my mind that things between us will never be the same again.
But on the other hand it could turn out to be the best thing we've ever done... I know I could find a lover REALLY easily, there's no shortage of willing males in our area (I've looked on various websites!) so that's not the issue. I just don't want to indulge this fantasy, which I now share with my husband, only to discover that we've made a terrible mistake and broken our marriage.
Sorry about this really long post but it feels good just to have got it out of my chest. If you are still reading: have you been in this situation? If so, are there any ground rules we should establish before we even think about going through with it?
Honest answers please - and preferably from women, I'd like the female perspective on this as I think we girls look at these things in a different way from the guys. But either way, any advice is welcome.