Am I being stupid?

I read farmerman's first post and couldn't make out what the heck he described. I didn't know it was fishing gear Embarrassed

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boomerang, you have every right to feel hurt and if I were
you, I'd let Mr. B not so easy off the hook. You are a Mother
and a very good one on top and you deserve a lot of
appreciation, not just a little acknowledgement. What you
have done for Mo and will continue doing for him far exceeds the classical mother role. Mo sure will recognize this day
later on, but for now Mr. B belongs in the doghouse.

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boomer, it's totally understandable. me and my sister moved out years and years ago, and Mother's Day was introduced artificially to Slovakia after the fall of communism. But she would still be hurt if we didn't remember to send at least an email thanking her or acknowledging her. My sister chronically forgets, and i know my mom doesn't take it very well. it's not just about hallmark. a moment to stop and appreciate what is otherwise taken for granted is so important.

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farmerman wrote:

so, since everybody avoided my post, can I assume that fishing gear is an inappropriate Mothers Day gift?

It coulda been worse, you coulda got her a washer/dryer, and been sleepin' with the dogs for the next couple a months . . .

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you are quite right - you need to have quiet and intense words with Mr B -

it is an important part of a child's development to consider others and plan and make small gifts - so not just for you as a sign of appreciation.

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Setanta wrote:

ehBeth wrote:
I'm not very good in this whole zone. I argue with Setanta each year about when his birthday is

Well, if you would just tell me when you think it is, we could settle on a date and be done with it . . .

Does that mean you don't know either, Set?

Bear tries to celebrate mine anywhere from March 23 - 29. After 17 years he got it right this year. Just give her a clue and a few more years. Laughing

Boomer - Yep, your hurt feelings are legitimate, IMO. It's not the "you didn't make a big deal about me." It's just asking for an acknowledgement of all you do.

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Noddy my dear, you do know how to get to the heart of the matter. I've learned why "self doubt" is so often accompanied by the word "plagued".

Perhaps I am a Velveteen Mother.

CJane and Viven, I really thought about saying more but honestly, he was so dumbfounded (clueless?) when I brought it up that I just couldn't.

The plague set in and I wondered if I were being stupid.

I completely agree that despite being created holidays that they do provide an opportunity to stop and let someone know their appreciated. You can keep it from being commercial by having children create little treasures. It is an important lesson for kids to learn.

Thanks to all of you for making me feel less stupid for having hurt feelings about this. If only the unappricated in my own home feelings were so easily undone.

<sigh>

At least I know where to find a soft shoulder.

As to fishing lures - there is a store on the way to Mt. Bachelor where a man hand ties the most exquisite lures, tiny works of art they are. I don't fish but I would be happy to recieve one of those masterpieces as a gift.

As to Valentine's Day - ack! Nobody but nobody has that one figured out! Mo and I make Valentines for everybody - they are goofy and gaudy, but fun. That's the only "cure" I've ever found.

Squinney - from now on the week of March 23-29 IS your birthday.

eBeth and Setanta, I will be happy to chose a celebration day for you, if you would like.

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A birthday week? What a good idea!

We always have birthday weekends here...the closest weekend to your actual birthday. You can't celebrate properly on a work or school day.

Happy Mother's Day, boomer! It's women like you that give all of us a good name. Tell Mr. B (in a low, serious voice) that he missed an important chance to make you feel appreciated. Then let it go. You guys haven't made a big deal of holidays in the past, and you didn't tell him in advance that you expected something different now, so it's not his fault that he couldn't read your mind. You hafta spell things out for guys, you know, or else patterns, once established, continue forever.

I once told my husband that a certain chocolate truffle he brought me was "nice," (faint praise) and I've been getting them at least once a month now for five years.

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I think part of it is that this is one of the few things we can't teach. It's one of the few things we trust others to teach. We can teach to give gifts to Papa on Father's day, and Grandma on her birthday, and thoughtful things to anyone whenever, but it doesn't sit right to teach them to give us stuff on Mother's day.

We want to bring our kids up right, create sweet and thoughtful adults, but this is one where our hands are tied a bit. Especially at this age, when they're old enough to do stuff with guidance but young enough that they can't really do it without guidance.

So we trust our s.o.'s to handle this one little thing, this one little aspect of good childrearing that we can't handle, and pff. Nothin'.

(I just thought of that as I read your last post, I'm gonna tell E.G. I think.)

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My SO tries to pull that fake holiday crap, too. I tell him that we need holidays to remind us to appreciate each other. If it weren't for holidays some people would never show others that they care. <and he's a prime example.>

<harumph>

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sozobe wrote:

So we trust our s.o.'s to handle this one little thing, this one little aspect of good childrearing that we can't handle, and pff. Nothin'.

(I just thought of that as I read your last post, I'm gonna tell E.G. I think.)

Tell him. Straight out.

I'm surprised at you, soz. That almost sounded whiny, and I've never thought of you that way at all.

By and large, these are all pretty great guys. They probably all had mothers that took care of all this stuff for them, or else they came from families where they weren't expected to do anything for these occasions so it hasn't occurred to them that they should do anything. Or maybe early in the relationship we mistakenly told them it wasn't a big deal to us, out of false modesty. Or maybe we changed our minds later privately. In any case, these guys don't know what they're supposed to do! They DO want to make us happy because they love us and, frankly, nobody likes it when their partner is angry with them.

Bottom line: They can't know what will make us happy if we don't tell them.

I explained to my husband up front that I expected him to make sure our son got me cards, gifts, etc. on the appropriate holidays, and I would do the same for him on Father's Day, his birthday, Valentine's, Christmas, etc. And I tell them each year when Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners come around that I'm expecting them to help with the cooking, table setting, etc. And so they do. And everyone's happy.

You've gotta be upfront about these things.

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B'ang,
I'm in with the crowd that says you were perfectly right to feel put off. It's always nice, with any job, to get recognized for it and motherhood is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more than any other job on the planet.
I can't say I've always done well at remembering b'days and the like but I have gotten much better at since the Blaisette came along. The big concept I try to keep in mind is that I don't want him messing up my grandkids and what I show and do with him he'll do with them. You might want to mention that to Mr. B.

Probably the greatest part out of all this is that, by gum, you've realized your a real mother. Congrats to you and all you other mothers.

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BTW, Mother's Day isn't completely a Hallmark fabrication:

http://www.holidays.net/mother/story.htm

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the American Mothers Day may be a Hallmark creation - in the UK we have Mothering Sunday, which is an ancient institution and there was always a special church service for it. It's in March. It doesn't involve expensive presents, just cards and flowers and acknowledgement.

Fathers day doesn't have any history and is a Hallmark creation.

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I totally agree with Eva. There was a pattern set and the hubby was merely following the pattern of not making a big deal out of "hallmark Holidays."

I don't understand why everyone is so against celebrating holidays. Sure it might be a fabricated hallmark creation but who cares? Get together with family and have a good time. I didn't buy any cards or flowers or chocolates or anything. The point isn't the material things that we are supposed to buy... just use it as a good excuse for a day off with some people you love.

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Eva, the point was that I had just thought of it at that moment. It's hard to tell him something I hadn't yet thought of.

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I think that we should tell our mother's we love them EVERY DAY! But on Mother's Day I always call my mom...just because it makes her feel special.

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Vivien wrote:

Fathers day doesn't have any history and is a Hallmark creation.

You need need to look into that a little - It started in Spokane WA to honor a father and spread form there. About 8 years ago I was named
Father of the year here.

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Gosh, congratulations, Husker.

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Quote:

Father's Day History
Father's Day, 3rd Sunday in June. The idea for creating a day for children to honor their fathers began in Spokane, Washington. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea for Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon in 1909. Having been raised by her father, Henry Jackson Smart, after her mother died, Sonora wanted her father to know how special he was to her. It was her father that made all the parental sacrifices and was, in the eyes of his daughter, a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Sonora's father was born in June, so she chose to hold the first Father's Day celebration in Spokane, Washington on the 19th of June, 1910.

In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge proclaimed the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Roses are the Father's Day flowers: red to be worn for a living father and white if the father has died.

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sozobe wrote:

Gosh, congratulations, Husker.

Thanks Soz - I cried my eyes out the night I was presented the award - until that night I was one unaware and also unware of it having originated here.

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