Am I being stupid?

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First, let me say that Mr. B and I are not really "holiday people". We are not big givers of gifts, not overly keen on celebrations other than a few personal-type holidays, not make a big deal out of things kind of people. However, holidays and celebrations are not completely ignored either.

With that out of the way, let me tell you about a conversation we had this moring....

Yesterday Mother's Day passed without a word from both Mo and Mr. B.

Mo's bio-mom, who was picking him up for lunch, brought me flowers. We gave her a nice photo of Mo along with a card that Mo painted for her.

This morning Mr. B says "How strange that she brought you flowers."

Me: "I thought it was a very nice for her to acknowledge me on Mother's Day. Frankly, the fact that nobody else bothered really hurt my feelings."

Mr. B: <grumble grumble>
"I didn't think you'd want to be acknowledged as mommy on some Hallmark manufactured holiday."

Me: "I AM mommy. I'm not mad but my feelings were hurt. I didn't expect a big to-do but I thought you guys would at least say the words, or a card.... something."

Mr. B: "I apologize.
<grumble grumble>
Exit stage left.

I'll give him points for the whole "manufactured holiday" bit because he does have a point.

But my feelings were hurt and they're still hurt.

To tell you the truth, I can't even explain why they're hurt.

I'm not really the sentimental type so this hurt feelings thing is weird.

Which is probably why he never expected it.

So what gives here, O Sages of A2K?

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Hee hee hee...!

Sorry, shouldn't laugh, but another "YES TOTALLY" head-nodder for me, all the way down the line.

We don't really do holidays. We barely do birthdays. But still, yesterday morning I looked meaningfully at E.G. He looked back at me. I looked back at him. He said, "What did I do wrong?" I tightened my jaw. He wracked his brain. He said "Oh, happy mother's day." I said thanks -- rather flatly. He tried to recover and said some nice things about what a good mom I am etc.

Then, he offered to get me breakfast. We have a guest and then he got a little distracted with the guest. I waited for breakfast. Nothing happened. I waited longer. Nothing. I went and got my own breakfast.

That was the end of mother's day celebrations.

(Sozlet did make me a card though all on her own, that was nice.)

Happy Mother's Day, boomer!! :-D

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Jeez. Soz. Are you sure we're not married to the same guy?

Happy Mother's Day to you too.

For the record: last Father's Day Mo picked out some crazy bird house and painted it up for Mr. B, along with a card that he made.

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No, I ain't married to either one of you.

This kind of reminds me of a conversation with my ex.

Me: "So, honey, what would you like for your birthday?"

Ex: "Just you, baby."

Me: <Why did I ever believe a routine like that?>

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Yesterday was Mother's Day and my birthday.

We acknowledged them, and then went about our business. No pomp and circumstance but we went out to lunch and squinney and the throbbettes listened to Dad sing and play on the patio at the restaurant. That could have happened any Sunday.

I was hoping for some wildly deviant sex thing to happen, but it didn't work out.

I forgot our anniversary once, and that was NOT good times.

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I'm sure that there are women and men who say they want nothinging but don't really mean it. I'm sorry you ran across one, roger!

Not getting a gift or doing anything "special" is no big deal but NO acknowledgement of a birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day, etc. is.... I guess.... a big deal.

Happy Birthday to you, BVT.

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I'm not very good in this whole zone. I argue with Setanta each year about when his birthday is Confused

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My family LOVES holidays. We get together and cook and eat and talk and laugh and have a merry old time.

Mothers day was no exception. We drove down to Illinois where my mom lives and started the day out with breakfast. Then we saw an add in the little flyer holder at the restaraunt for a compost pile thingy for only $30. We decided it was to good to pass up so we drove down to St. Charles to pick one up. Then we went to Hobby Lobby so the mom and the Mrs could get stuff for a baby shower they are throwing for my Sister in Law.

Getting a little bored looking at paper, stencils and rubber stamps I decided that Mothers day is a good a day as any to get caught up with the rest of the family. So I called my brother, down in Bloomington, to see how he was doing. Then, I called my sister, in NY, to see what she was up to. Then I called my dad to make plans to go to dinner with him and my Grandparent for breakfast the next morning.

Both meals were absolutely delightful and I enjoyed every single moment of the entire weekend.

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ehBeth wrote:

I'm not very good in this whole zone. I argue with Setanta each year about when his birthday is

Well, if you would just tell me when you think it is, we could settle on a date and be done with it . . .

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I don't celebrate Mothers' Day. My paternal grandmother was a greedy gut who insisted on flowers and candy and something pretty to wear. She sent my mother a card when she remembered.

My mother learned from her mother that Mr. Wilson and Congress had no business decreeing when the children of America would honor their mothers.

The mother of the First Mr. Noddy was another greedy gut. Also, that Mr. Noddy decreed that the made-in-school goodies presented to me would be recycled for his mother. Incidently, we celebrated Father's Day because that was the way it had not been done in his family.

My stepsons are flawed and a bit distant, but I'm on good terms with most of the ex-daughters-in-law. Yesterday the Second Mr. Noddy manned the telephone, relayed Mother's Day wishes to me and then settled down to tell the Ex d-i-l's all about his troubles. He also tried to do the with my son.

I figured having Good Wishes and Listening Ears highjacked was a step down--but next year I'll be ready.

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I don't think you're being silly, Boomer (or Soz) or anyone else whose feelings were hurt. I think you're feeling taken for granted and that stings. Mr B and I had a similar conversation on our first Valentine's Day. I didn't want candy or dinner or flowers or anything specific, just an acknowledgment that I was special to him.

K&M disappeared into the office Saturday night. They were in there for a couple hours, giggling and working on 'something'. Even if they hadn't created the 'something', it was a joy to hear them getting on so well with each other for such an extended period of time. I've said I no longer want to receive things, but I appreciate the gift of time. Their creations included a collage of photos that K put together, a portrait of the two of them drawn by K, and a lovely note written by M on her favorite drawing, entrusting it to me to take care of for the both of us. They were gifts from the heart and I appreciate them very much. We spent the morning and early afternoon together as a family and then they gave me an additional gift of time to work in my garden while they stayed home entertaining themselves and each other which is quite the opposite of my typical day of driving this one here, that one there, picking this one up, picking that one up, etc. It was a lovely day.

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Being too young to have boolets of my own, i can't say bin-there-done-that-got-the-T-shirt... but i do have a rather similar thing with Valentines. I'm not a valentines person: i mean that day more than any other is manufactured. And i've never done big V-day do's... but my ex, didn't do it AT ALL. I mean i don't just mean no card: i mean to him it didnt exist. All i wanted was a hug Sad

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I think J_B hit it on the nose. It is not the gifts, cards, etc., it is being appreciated that is important. By neglected to acknowledge Mother's Day, you probably feel unappreciated. At least that is how I think I would have felt. The best gift I received for Mother's Day was the card/book my daughter made me in art class. I loved the little pictures she drew for me and then she also handed me various pieces of paper with pictures she drew me during aftercare. I told her that was my favorite gift. It really makes one feel appreciated when a child plans these things ahead of time.

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jpin, I'm thinking I want your family.

My family never had much but we always celebrated holidays. Mr. B and I just never got in the habit of doing so - we live a long way from both of our families and for so long it was just me and Mr. B.

I'm thinking Mo has changed the way I think about such things.

And, after yesterday, I'm really wondering what to do about it.

Noddy, your grandparents, while presenting opposite sides of the coin both point out the dangers of manufactured holidays!

Mr. Noddy had you pass on the handmade goodies? That's harsh!

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I got Mrs F a nice pair o Penn Senator's. Brass no less, none o this p[lastic **** for my babe. I gift wrapped em both and got er some new Tuna Rigs to go with em.

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I agree with Linkat that J_B hit the nail on the head!

A handmade thing, that someone had to think up and create especailly for you, that's what its all about. "A gift from the heart" is absolutely right.

I did feel unapreciated.

Mo is too little to initiate such gifts, as yet, and I guess I expected Mr. B to guide him through something.

I found myself thinking:

Do you have any idea of how many attempts it took to make that hand casting thing we made last month for your birthday!? I dare you to whip up some cool goo and ask Mo to stick his hand in AND HOLD IT STILL for 90 seconds. AND then get him to leave it alone while it dries. AND then get him to paint it. AND then get him/the house/the dogs de-painted. AND still feel like all the effort was worth it because he was so proud of giving it to you. Go ahead. TRY IT.

<sigh>

A macaroni necklace could have changed so much....

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We do all holidays and make a deal - yesterday the Mrs got a single Rose, card and we went out to brunch. Now let me step back and say it's harder for me to do the flowers than any other thing.

She trained me for almost 15 years "DON"T WASTER YOUR MONEY ON FLOWERS" so I took that to heart. Well actually I tried to give her flowers on a non-event and got further rein-forcement. Then a couple years back out of the blue I got this - "Honey? - you can buy me flowers sometime" - I say what the HECK????????? sorry you had your chance and snuffed out the fire.

Personally I think it's a pretty good Idea for the kids to do things for mom all the time - since she is the biggest champion of them a little extra on this day is not a bad idea either. a little honey now beats a lot of vinegar later Laughing

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Boomer--

Last week I went out to lunch with an old friend and was overwhelmed when the waitress asked cheerfully if she couldn't get me some more iced tea.

I realized that women in general receive far less pampering than men do. My friend agreed--and so did the waitress.

You get points for smiling bravely--and more points for explaining patiently (without screaming) how you felt. Your husband may be too set in his ways to civilize, but you can start working on Mo.

I'm sure somewhere on the web there are "personalized" calendars for children too young to read. This year I'd make Father's Day and any adult birthdays Very Loud Secrets while you and Mo work on the festivities.

You're particularly vulnerable to being forgotten because you didn't plan motherhood--it just happened. Further you're going through a patch of great self-doubt.

Gifts or no, You Are A Real Mother. We know that, even if your menfolks are a bit dim.

Hold your dominion.

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so, since everybody avoided my post, can I assume that fishing gear is an inappropriate Mothers Day gift?

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farmerman wrote:

so, since everybody avoided my post, can I assume that fishing gear is an inappropriate Mothers Day gift?

If your wife is into fishing it is wonderful!!

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Am I being stupid?

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