All you ever wanted to know about the fine art of flirting!

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gustavratzenhofer wrote:

Ok, I have a question for Msolga and Calamity Jane. Purely hypothetical.

You're in the grocery store, looking at beets, when you hear a shuffling noise behind you. Turning around you see an old codger approaching, manure on his shoes and a pitchfork in his hands. He tugs on the brim of his hat and says, "Howdy, mam. What's your sign?"

Now seriously, and be honest with me..... would not your clothes begin to fall to the floor at that point?

Yeah my clothes would fall to the floor, and I'm with it.

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I am a hopeless flirter - until I am practically in bed with someone - because I generally flirt not with sexual innuendo, and certainly almost never with talk of bosoms and such, but through just general wordplay, and feigned insults.

This means I have lots of fun - because I love silly, quick repartee - but most people (unless they flirt the same way) do not know I am doing it.

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Then you'll teach us dlowan Wink

I'm too shy to flirt. I start blushing....how embarrassing.

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Gosh, who'd have thought this was such a complex subject?:

SIRC Guide to Flirting
What Social Science can tell you about flirting and how to do it:

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

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When I do try to flirt, I make an ass of myself. When I don't try to flirt, and I just banter, sometimes guys think I'm flirting wen I'm not.

I can flirt, but not TO get a guy, I can flirt when I already have the guy.

I can't just have fun with it. I need to know the guy is available and interested and that I am interested in getting to know him better.

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yeah. i can flirt when i DON'T want the guy. or when i'm tipsy, i'm a super-flirt. but when i really really want someone, i outdo myself to pretend that i don't care, will bore even myself to death with talks about nothing and find every opportunity to run away and hide. very clever strategy. unfortunately, men don't seem to get it at all...

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I suspect this isn't teachable.

I come from generations of flirts. I think it came along with my eye colour and tough fingernails.

If Setanta isn't flirting (with women, babies, dogs, plants, bugs), I'll know it's time to bury him. I'm pretty much the same. It's like breathing.

Truthfully, I don't much care whether people know it's flirting or think I'm actually interested in them. I'll clarify it for 'em if I have to Twisted Evil

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One of the most mortifying moments in my entire life was when a "friend" of mine showed a film she made of me playing frisbee with the [absolutelygorgeous] object of my affections. I don't remember the pretext, but I didn't realize until I saw it -- for a class! -- that it was a case study on flirting.

Oh. My. Gawd.

It was totally unconscious but I was using everything in the book. Touching his arm while talking, doing a lot with my hair (tucking it behind my ear, running my hands through it to get it out of my eyes), throwing back my head and laughing... everything.

It worked, sorta. He was interested but then I went into the "ohmigod he's actually interested therefore I will shut down and ignore him" phase. (I'd thought he was unattainable.)

I also have never seemed to be able to do it purposely.

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ehBeth wrote:

I suspect this isn't teachable.

In Paris, there are at least five schools which learn flirting art, not only theoretical but with practical work.

I dont know if it works...

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OMG, sozobe! I think that might have shut me down from ever flirting again!

I'm a huge flirt and always have been, but it just came naturally. Not sure I could teach it, but it would be fun trying.

Okay, I'll set up a Boston Flirting class for next month. We'll spend a week going to bars and practicing. Okay?

Little K and Dag are at the top of my class roster... Anyone else?

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I know about the classes/schools, Francis. We have them here as well. One friend went. Didn't do a thing for her, just ended up making her more self-conscious. Confused

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Yeah, the non-self-conscious aspect is big. Part of why it's hard to do it purposely, I think. "OK, touch his arm now" doesn't work nearly as well as thinking "He is absolutely the most beautiful man on the face of the earth -- would you look at those eyes?!!" and then doing whatever happens to happen while you're thinking those thoughts. Which may involve arm-touching.

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No one seems to want to get to the mechanics of flirting. So I'll offer some of the things that go into it. The eyes are the most important thing. Body language is second. Women are used to being hunted. They know when they're hunted. When seated at a bar you "feel" a woman looking at you. You catch their eyes and hold it. You smile. Not the avaricious smile of a true hunter. Warm with a touch of humor. Here body language is really important. Leaning forward is a sign you're going to make a move. Almost a slouch is better. You've recognized the attention but are not going to make an assault. Now they're intrigued. This is an opening gambit. If her interest is piqued enough she'll come to you.

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I know nothing about flirting, other than drop the roophie in her drink, then sit back and wait for the magic to happen.

There's no secrets to flirting. When it's obvious the other person is into you, you can get away with saying anything sexual, and you should dial it up a few notches. If they're not into you, and you can't read that, then poo on you.

POO ON YOU!

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Dial it up?

So, Slappy, you do most of your flirting by phone I take it...

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I thought Slappy used Western Union and the WU messenger gets the benefit.

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Yes, by phone. Typically the women I flirt with have phone numbers that begin with 1-900. They ALL love me.

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sozobe wrote:

....It worked, sorta. He was interested but then I went into the "ohmigod he's actually interested therefore I will shut down and ignore him" phase. (I'd thought he was unattainable.)

dagmaraka wrote:

...but when i really really want someone, i outdo myself to pretend that i don't care, will bore even myself to death with talks about nothing and find every opportunity to run away and hide. very clever strategy. unfortunately, men don't seem to get it at all...

Yeah. Why do people do that? Feign indifference when they're feeling the exact opposite. It so often happens. Very Happy

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Well msolga, the technique of playing indifferent is proven. You don't come across as clingy, and put the other person in "chase" mode, which makes you more attractive.

Of course, totally ignoring the other person doesn't work. You have to plant some flirty seeds, then move on from there.

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All you ever wanted to know about the fine art of flirting!

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