'Accidental' affair with mutual friend

I'm really torn on this. I had no where to go, and while searching for answers, stumbled on this forum.

This is just a bit of background before I go into my question... I've been married for 14 years with two kids - lots of ups and downs, including domestic violence/verbal abuse during arguments. However, I never wanted a broken family for my kids, so stuck with him as I still love him, though his actions when he's angry makes me sick and question why I'm with him. He's the most kindest/generous/friendliest/funny/outgoing person to the outside and to us too when he's in a good mood and things going well. The good outweigh the bad and the bad incidents can only be a handful, hence the difficulty in making my mind up to leaving him.

Anyway, I made a business trip to another country. I have a few friends (some are mutual) here and thought of catching up with them during my free time as I haven't seen them in over 6 years. I met up with one of the mutual friends for lunch (my husband knew of this). We ended by talking for ages... it was like the old times and we enjoyed each others company. We had way too many drinks and before we knew it it was dinner time. So, ended up having dinner and more drinks. At this stage there was some light flirting going on (just touching an arm or hand for just a little bit too long). As it was late and I had a few too many to drink, he said he'll drop me off at the hotel. I had to hold on to him as this was the first time I had this much to drink in ages. I was a bit tipsy but not too drunk. We took the train and he came up to the room and I didn't think much of it. We sat on the edge of the bed. He held my hand and kissed it. Then started kissing my neck and my lips. I didn't resist but after a little while, I said I can't do this to my husband. Immediately, he said he's so sorry and that I'm such a good person, and that he's sorry to have done that. But we kissed again and pulled back. It was so difficult. I asked him about his wife (he's also married with a child), and he said their marriage was down the drain but they're staying together for their kid. He left after a few minutes. Called me again from the train to apologise and said it won't happen again.

However, we had already arranged to meet up for drinks a in the weekend before all this happened. I spoke to my best friend who advised that I shouldn't meet up again but I wanted to to sort of clear things up as this is very unlike me. I was determined from a young age not to cheat on my spouse as one of my parents had done this and the effects of that was really bad on our family. I didn't even fancy this friend before or even on the night, I didn't have strong feelings. Anyway we met up again but this time I made a conscious effort to keep things as friends. But it was getting so difficult as the night went along and we both could feel the attraction. We kissed again over the dinner/drinks. He came back to my hotel and we began kissing, but I couldn't go any further and he didn't want me to either as I was so conflicted and he could sense it and he said he respected me so much so that he wouldn't do this to me and to his friend (my husband). He left.

We met up a could of other times but didn't progress any further than kissing/cuddling/holding hands. We both knew it was wrong but couldn't help it. We didn't want to cross the line, even though we could've easily. We both made each other feel loved, valued and needed. I came back home after the business trip and feel so bad. I feel like I need him in my life but I can't have him. He's mature enough to keep his feelings controlled but I can't seem to. It's hard to make love to my husband when I'm still thinking of my friend. He wants me to understand that we would never be able to be together and that we should slowly come back to reality and focus on our families. It makes total sense given that we live in separate continents. However, it's so had for me. We have spoken on the phone a few times and chatted online but it's so difficult given the time difference. I'm in real pain... I hate myself for getting into this situation and sometimes wish that it never happened. However, I'm also glad that it happened as I never thought anyone would love me like that as my self confidence was broken by my husband over the years although I'm a successful professional at work. I don't think I want to leave my husband because of my kids and family/friendship links etc. Please tell me that what I'm feeling is normal and that I'm not a bad person? I feel so guilty but sometimes feel like that I deserve some love and kindness...

Apologies for the long post...