I had an affair and now I'm broken by it

Your problem is not the f*k buddy. Your problem is your long term relationship. You're lonely and unhappy with your partner.

Get therapy, go to couples counseling and decide if your relationship is worth salvaging, make some friends. Your affair fulfilled some of your needs, but it was never really real.

Good luck.

You can co-parent your children without having to be in a relationship with their father.

You can see a doctor about getting some therapy at a reasonable price (or at least as reasonable as they can make it) so you can get some tools to bolster your self-esteem so you can leave a partner who doesn't value you -- and who you clearly don't value in return.

I'm not going to tell you that making friends is easy, because it isn't necessarily. But cultivating acquaintances is easy. Say hi to the mailman and talk to your coworkers (if you work outside the home) about their weekends. Monday, two days from now, would be a great day to start doing that. Smile and ask the cashier at the green grocer if the store is still getting the good strawberries or whatever you feel is a decent, nice, noncommittal thing to say. Wave to your neighbors and thank your bus driver and get to know the parents of your kids' friends.

Why am I suggesting all of this?

Because this unattainable guy who never really committed to you and seems to have been afraid of public condemnation but at the same time still happily having sex with you? That guy was your world because you made him your world. He wasn't just your affair partner. He was your only friend and confidant.

You went on a dating site for what, exactly? Particularly when you kept putting off the sex -- what the hell did you think would actually happen there?

You went on a dating site to find a friend. And that's a lousy, lousy place to find pals. Try your local Meetup groups or Facebook or the like, because people who go on dating sites are going to want and expect sex. It was disingenuous of you at best to try to put it off ten ways till Sunday.

Which was his plan all along.

And perhaps it was your own as well. At least own up to that.

With this guy? Block his sorry ass. He's still trying to have his cake and eat it, too. If he really cared, he would have ended it with her a long time ago. Wake up and smell the coffee, as Ann Landers used to write, and see what there is to be seen, that which is obvious. People who want to be together don't let a thing like family disapproval get in the way. And they find a way to let someone else down gently rather than stringing them along forever.

Because there's that, too. Let's say he's telling the whole truth (spoiler alert: he's not. The line about them not having had sex for however many months is just that -- a line). Then if he is, and she's in love with him and he is treating her like this? Then he is not a good person. That is the act of someone who is cruel. Because people who care and are decent would have ended it so that she could find someone who would love her back.

With your partner? Break away from him. He's no good for you. Get out from under him and stand on your own two feet, however you can do that. Co-parent with him because, unless he's abusive, your children should know their father. But you do not have to live under the same roof. And you do not have to be in a relationship of any sort at all. It doesn't have to be a big screaming fight that ends it. It can be the calm behaviors of two mature people who see their relationship has run out of gas -- but are committed to do the best for their children because it's the right thing to do. They are innocent in all of this.

And one more thing. Never expose your kids to an affair partner ever again. Never. This doesn't mean you can never date after you end things for good with their father. Of course you can. But don't expose them to a parade of men. Make sure things are serious before you make any introductions. Serious as in you are making plans to live together or wed, or are just about to. Leave your kids out of these kinds of messes.

This also means you don't do sleepovers when your kids are home. Leave that for when they are at their father's.

Yeah, that's going to cramp your style. Tough. Your kids need to grow up with as much stability in their lives as you can muster. And having them bear witness to the vagaries of dating -- and an affair in particular -- is the polar opposite of that.

Think of them.

any sympathy I had
any inclination I had to provide supportive comments or advice

completely disappeared when I read this

quote="Nevergrowup93"]
He would hang out with my kids
[/quote]

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listen to jespah and realize she is probably the very nicest person who will ever respond to you about this

exposing your kids to your affair partner? go ahead, be broken

Kind of facinating about the reaction of the GF to being told about his affair.

She sounded very confident about how it was all going to pan out. (Block her, we are staying together)

Has this guy done this before?

And, NO, he’s not your best friend. He used you - but then again, you used him when things were crappy in your own life.

See advice above ...