My husband loves me a lot but he's abusive

Update:

I'm doing just fine by myself - living with housemates. I feel healthier and happier.

My husband sends e-mails, i write back to him as less as i can. Just received his e-mail telling me that he's performing (with 2 other musicians) at the annual celebrations of a consulting firm - and the company he currently works for has no objections to his performing there.

It's gonna be a big bash. I'm so proud of him. He asked me to come - i said i'd come with my friends, asked him to mail the invites. He says he owes it to me! (for leaving him so that he may regain his sanity, maybe? Wink

)...I'll go and leave early - before he gets off the stage. I've decided not to meet him - but i'll let him know later that i was there.

Smile

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((((((((((Sakhi)))))))) I am so very proud of you. You are a beacon of hope for the many women contemplating your former dilemma. Well done.

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Thanks, OCCOM BILL, for the encouragement and kind words, as always Smile

.

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Wonderful! Wow, you make me feel truly proud and hopeful. You've shown such guts. We knew you had it in ya'.

I'm so happy for you. Smile

Good luck at the bash...

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....thanks a lot, flushd Smile

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Sakhi--

Congratulations. Hold your dominion.

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You are so strong
THANX Sakhi After stumbling onto this forum i read all of the post to your situation.You have made me realize and think alot about my life.I realized after reading that i hope i too can be as strong as you.I have been with my husband for 15 years and am finding it hard to leave.Although he has hurt me in the past i don't want to hurt him by leaving him.I know that sounds foolish.I welcome all feedback and maybe can get everything off my chest on here.thanx again Shaye

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Shaye--

Welcome to A2K. I hope we can help you choose a life with love and dignity.

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Thanx for the welcome
Noddy24 Thanks for the welcome.You were all so helpful to Sakhi.I hope talking here will give me the courage and support i seem to be lacking.I know the relationship im in is hurting everyone(we have 3 daughters)and i know i need to get out it's just to say it to him!Hope to hear from u soon.Shaye

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Welcome to A2K, Shaye. You might want to consider opening your own thread to tell your story and linking it here. You'll find a ton of help and encouragement that just might make it a little easier. Sakhi was a rare pleasure in that she followed through and extricated herself from her situation. We're all very proud of her and would love an opportunity to be proud of you too.
((((((((((((((Shaye))))))))))))) (That's a hug in cyber-speak :wink:)

You can find a similar thread with additional resources and advice by clicking Here.

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Hi Shaye,

Feel free to open up. A lot of good people here that will listen. And it always helps to get things off your chest.

You say that he has hurt you.

Wanna talk about it??

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When I was a child we lived next to an apartment where the husband on coming home drunk used to beat his wife and children. There were awful screams and I was afraid he would come to our place. I was best friends with the younger son. On returning to the apartment years later I found out that my friend died but his older brother became a criminal.

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Re: You are so strong

Shaye wrote:

THANX Sakhi After stumbling onto this forum i read all of the post to your situation.You have made me realize and think alot about my life.I realized after reading that i hope i too can be as strong as you.I have been with my husband for 15 years and am finding it hard to leave.Although he has hurt me in the past i don't want to hurt him by leaving him.I know that sounds foolish.I welcome all feedback and maybe can get everything off my chest on here.thanx again Shaye

Shaye...you've been married for 15 yrs, have kids. It's not as easy for you as it has been for me......but i'm sure you can do it. Maybe it will do you good to share your experience here....

(((((hugs))) to you...

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OCCOM BILL wrote:

Sakhi was a rare pleasure in that she followed through and extricated herself from her situation.

Hi Bill....i'm glad i did that...extricated myself from where I was...and as i said before - i feel healthy now...the doctor had told me i had some chronic fatigue problem ...all thats gone!!..i dont have headaches...nothing.

But then i'm not sure if i'm really over him. I think about him all the time , wondering whats happening with him. I secretly am relieved he e-mails me so i know everything....makes me feel connected to him. I still seem to need that Sad

...i just have ben careful not to show him that i'm thinking about him so much.

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Thanx Sakhi We have been together a long time.Since we were 19 years old.I saw warning signs in the very beginning but still i choose to stay.What really scares me most is we have 3 daughters(oldest is 14)and even though i tell them to never stay in a relationship like this im scared they will get into one because of what they have seen!Our oldest already hates her father because of all that has happened.It has effected her the most as she has seen the most and remembers.I started my own thread so as not to take away from yours.So if you want you can reply on it .It is Why can't i leave my husband.Waiting to hear from you Shaye.

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Well I haven't been on in a while, but it's nice to hear/read that you made a firm stand Sakhi. I know it must have been tough but we are all proud of you.
Shaye, Things will be tougher for you, but YOU need to do what is best for YOU and your kids. Staying in a bad marriage is worse for the kids than having divorced parents.

And now something tht will either make you smile or make you cry:
I finally got home to hold my little girl for the first time. She was 4 1/2 mos old and she's oh so tiny and pretty. she's now almost 6 mos. At least I will be back home for good well before her 1st birthday. But I will miss the little guys 3rd birthday.

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sakhi wrote:

OCCOM BILL wrote:
Sakhi was a rare pleasure in that she followed through and extricated herself from her situation.

Hi Bill....i'm glad i did that...extricated myself from where I was...and as i said before - i feel healthy now...the doctor had told me i had some chronic fatigue problem ...all thats gone!!..i dont have headaches...nothing.

But then i'm not sure if i'm really over him. I think about him all the time , wondering whats happening with him. I secretly am relieved he e-mails me so i know everything....makes me feel connected to him. I still seem to need that ...i just have ben careful not to show him that i'm thinking about him so much.

That's all good, baby... and quite normal, too. I'm still in love with a girl I haven't seen in 15 years and haven't dated in 20. I didn't even like her much when we met the second time, but my heart couldn't care less. Hearts don't know any better. Keep winning the good fight!

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wise words, OCOMMBILL, as always Smile

Ok, here's an update. My husband has been travellng quite often to bombay/mumbai over the past two months - he's told me that over e-mail. He's been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist in Bombay who, my husband says, has been helping him with his problems.

My husband asked me if I could come along with him for his next session. I agreed. Agreed because it will help me decide what i want to do - to carry on with my relationship or decide to separate for ever. The next session is this weekend.

Wish me luck...and btw, is there anything specific that I should keep in mind- when I go the therapist?

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I just saw this, Sahki.

Now, of all times, think of yourself.
As this is your husband's session, maybe you need be quiet.

But wait, you have no one there to speak for you. I'd be wary, now that I think about it.

Not that I know what I am talking about - please, someone, intervene in my comments, but I don't want to see you in a situation of imbalance.

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sakhi wrote:

wise words, OCOMMBILL, as always

Ok, here's an update. My husband has been travellng quite often to bombay/mumbai over the past two months - he's told me that over e-mail. He's been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist in Bombay who, my husband says, has been helping him with his problems.

My husband asked me if I could come along with him for his next session. I agreed. Agreed because it will help me decide what i want to do - to carry on with my relationship or decide to separate for ever. The next session is this weekend.

Wish me luck...and btw, is there anything specific that I should keep in mind- when I go the therapist?

((((((((((Sakhi))))))))) Scary... and I'm so not qualified to answer... Brooklyn!

Until she gets here to give you the straight scoop, I'll blather a little. Caution, caution, caution. I couldn't know what he's capable of and I'm not sure you really could either. Is it possible to arrange your own transportation with a friend? And have him/her meet you after as well?

I'd also caution you to consider that he's paying the therapist, so if you sense a bias; there probably is one. Don't under any circumstance allow the victim (you) to be blamed for the victimizer's actions, in any way. This Non Sequitur rationalization tops the list of abuse-red-flags, so if you sense the therapist in any way buys into that; consider his/her therapy fatally flawed. I'm acutely ignorant of your culture, but suspect there may be an anti-female bias at work against you, as well, but that has no bearing on the preceding point. Sad

Plan for the worst (and I mean specific steps you will take if an emergency occurs) while, of course, hoping for the best. Always err on the side of caution. You may recall that I believe there are two distinct groups of men in this world: Those who can abuse women, and those who can not. I don't believe they can ever really change teams. I have virtually no faith in any counseling, of any kind, to that effect... so perhaps I'm not the best person to get advice from (unless I'm right... and I'd rather not be. Sad

)

I would so prefer to read that you met someone else that you think is special... but it isn't about me. I do wish you the very best and hope you don't let your heart make decisions you will later regret. Take care of you.
((((((((((Sakhi)))))))))

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My husband loves me a lot but he's abusive

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