My husband loves me a lot but he's abusive

No, you cannot go back to a marriage where violence takes presence, I would never forget or forgive either. He had his chances and he blew it. Let him find a new wife who deals with his anger issues, but you should not.

Your parents will understand - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but in time they'll come around. You are their daughter after all and they should have your best interest at heart.

When is your husband coming to see you? Are you now in the United States?

I'm very sorry to break this to you, but you could never be more mistaken about your husband loving you. Men who love their mate don't act the way he do. You're kidding yourself. And deep down inside you know that. You can't truly kid yourself. We all know when we're deceiving ourselves.

And him acting like the angel around your family and in public in general is very typical of guys with issues they're making no effort to resolve. Whereas you're taking it as him being affectionate to your family, truth, what he's doing is winning them over. Having them in his back pocket. Men with violent social issues do that because they know that their victim is less likely to complain about the abuse if he's in with her family. Such as how he waited until your dad left before showing his ass.

But the question is: how does he act around his own family? Does he see them very often? And how does his parents, particularly his mother, act around him?

The bottom line: YOU NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE WITHOUT DELAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

If he tries to stop you, then crush him between his legs with your foot.

Don't be his victim. He's bugging out on you out of left field for no apparent reason because he's venting. And you're his outlet. He's tripping over something that happened previously. Maybe you told him no about something. Maybe you refused a sex position or something. Well he's coming back at you unexpectedly over things that already happened. So the guy is just simply venting. GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

DO IT NOW!

hi i will like to share my story as well,im engaged and been with my husband for ten years i suprisingly did not notice that he was abusive, he used to bit me for nothing, when i got approached by a guy he used to tell me that its because im cheap and am giving the guy that impression to approach me. he used to cheat like crazy and i didnt have the courage to leave him cause i loved him so much and i still do.he says things that will make me feel small and worthless, he even told me that no one will ever love me like he loves me.he used to demand money from me telling that he has been helping me from the time i had nothing and now its my turn to return the favour.

One day i realised that i dont need this kind of person in my life, i decided to leave him, its hard becuase my inlaws think that i have found another man thats why im leaving him, but my family is supporting me all the way. im leaving and never gonna look back.

That is a very long phone number. How much does it cost to call?

sakhi,
Honestly it doesn't sound like he will change if you don't leave him.
I understand that you love him, but sometimes men have to be shown that there are consequences for their actions.

By leaving physically, and temporary moving somewhere else, you'll show him what he could potentially be losing if he continues this behavior. you don't have to end the marriage, but i do believe time apart would be good for him.

If he truly regrets how he treats you, loving him may mean helping him change his behavior, very much like a coach pushes an athlete out of love.

Bottom line, he may never change unless you show him what he could be destroying (his marriage) by actively leaving him temporary.

You might want to actually read the thread past the first post. Sahki made changes, progressed. This is a seven year old thread. It's good to keep threads like this going though, as abuse is an ongoing concern and new posters will have similar situations.

He at least apologised, but the anger is a problem as it can get worse.
I'm sure men killed women out of anger and didn't mean for it to go that far?

You need to reassure him that you don't forget when he asked things.
Ask him to speak to you about anything no matter what it is.
That he is important to you( he might have a problem with ego/ insecurity.
There fore be careful how you answer him at all times! Be patient when you speak to him at all times, as you now that he quickly feels impatient or he's not important enough at that time. He wants more "praise" You need to came forward more gently and understanding and listen to him when he does speak about problems.

Tell him" Honey it is so beautiful, thank you! Our timing might be bad, but I will surprise you tonight definitely"

You don't know WTF you're talking about. Apologies don't mean squat in this instance - this is a guy who has hit, and he will hit again. Her being subservient is a way to get her killed.

Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but my mama didnt raise any gals who'd take abuse. It's simple: he trets me with respect and I tret him with it. He can raise his voice, but if he hits me I will hit his ass back. He will also find his ass single. A MAN does not hit a woman. I never hit a man but I'll yell back. Wanna act like a child get treated like one. I dont define love as physical impact. If a man puts a mark on me I will put marks on him as fast as I can do it and he wont forget it. Bottom line. I've been around SOBS who hit women and I hate the bastards. I knew one woman who had a luvin man who ended her in the graveyard. I cant stand a violent man. I think you got the wrong emotion cause that aint love to me.

Wow - just what I want: a cheating, abusive man who abandons his children and now has a curse on his head.

to justbrooke. your letter was encouraging to me. I am in the grips of a abusive relationship and in the struggle To be on my own with 3 kids Which is so hard. I have so many unanswered questions and hurt pain and anger...... you encouraged me and made me not feel so alone even though i dont know you. My email. Is [email protected]. if you have time to help me Understand why someone that supposed to love me so much and claims to still love me could hurt me so much

He does NOT love you!
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but any man who treats a woman like your husband does you does NOT love!
Showing love is MORE than doing things for you. Real love expresses itself in kindnedd, gentleness, compassion, sympathy, and empathy!

1-he tries to possess.
2-puts up a good front for others.
3-spends to cover hi insecurities.

if he hits you, it means he doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. You'd better run away from him...

If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you. That is not love, that is control.

How useful do you think your post is twelve years after the event?

you need theraphy to help overcome your daubts. I knwo the first years of marriage are hard but this is getting out of hands. gou said you still love hom, go to counsulig big help