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I cheated for the first time and hate myself

 
 
Reply Wed 25 Apr, 2018 08:25 am
Hello All,
This past weekend, I got blackout drunk and did something I regret. I have never cheated on my SO in the past (been tufter 4 years) and I will NEVER do so again. I don't even remember getting to my house (how I got there, how I got inside, etc.) I feel like my memory was wiped. Next thing I remember was waking up.

My genital area hurt and my tampon was lodged inside of me. I then had a flashback that my friend was over in my bed & I asked him to leave. I do not know how he got there or why. I know he was inside of me at some point because I told him to stop and that I couldn't do this to my partner. I do not know who initiated.

I love my SO more than anything in the entire world and it is eating me up inside. I feel like a piece of trash. I know he is planning to propose soon and I don't feel I deserve it.

Forgive me if this is not the right place to be posting, but I can't help feel that I cheated on the absolute love of my life. I feel sick to my stomach and could really use some advice.

I hate myself so much and I don't know what to do.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,395 • Replies: 3

 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 25 Apr, 2018 08:56 am
@selfhatred,
Call the cops. Your 'friend' may very well be a rapist.
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najmelliw
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Apr, 2018 10:32 am
@selfhatred,
Don't let it fester or eat you alive. Given what you describe here, it sounds like a mistake on your part only so far, in that you became too drunk. Your 'friend' seems to have all the trappings of a rapist here, so I agree with Jespah.

Keeping it silent and under wraps would be wrong. It's already giving you a guilt complex. In addition, it might give your so called 'friend' an opportunity for 'blackmail', since he knows what happened, and your SO doesn't. Furthermore, you have no clue if your friend does this with others as well: an STD check might be in order. Finally, if you find yourself spiraling into a depression, counseling might be an option too.

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Ponderer
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Apr, 2018 03:34 pm
@selfhatred,
I'll just add that alcohol affects the part of the brain that controls inhibitions.
So don't hate "you". You know that you would not not have let yourself be put in that situation.
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