Depressed...

I'm sorry you don't want to have therapy. But, barring that, let's see, here are a few esteem- and mood-lifters -

exercise
volunteering
art (create or appreciate)
travel

I have no artistic ability.
Yoga seems to help....definite possibility
Can't travel; too broke
Volunteering....hmmmmm.....will check that out too

Thanks!

It's funny that I don't want to see anyone since I push therapy so heavily but I've been there and done that and it didn't work for me. 4 therapists later they decided to medicate me. Ain't going back there.

Oh, personally I stink at painting, but I still do it. :-D

There's also gardening. I know the winter is coming but you can plant bulbs now for the spring. And paper white narcissus can be force-bloomed inside - they have a lovely (albeit a bit strong for some) aroma and are pretty.

That sounds a lot like my wife and I recently, Kristie.

We just had a lot of stress in our lives and we both looked to each other for support but didn't have enough to give each other. My wife would come home and be needy... but I would be needy, too. Neither one of us had the will to support the other. This resulted in both of us being unhappy.

I know this sounds cheesy but I seriously woke up one morning and decided to not be angry anymore... not be sad anymore... not be so tired of life anymore. I just came to realize that you can either go through life being sad and unhappy or you can do something about it. I found out what it was that was causing those feelings in me and I changed it. I have been a much happier person ever since.

Kristie- The nasty thing about depression, is that in some people it is cyclical. A person has an episode, gets over it, and some time later, out of the blue, has another one.

I can understand that you don't want to become involved with therapy or meds, but you really need to talk to a professional. If the depression that you are having has a chemical component, all the self help in the world will not completely alleviate the symptoms.



Did every friend of the person who committed suicide become severely depressed? No? Why you? I would suggest that you were already vulnerable to depression, and the trauma of your friend's death kicked it off.

IMO it would be wise to see both a psychiatrist and a therapist. The psychiatrist would determine if you indeed do need some meds to get you over this hump. The therapist would help you learn more adaptive ways of relating to people.

There are a couple of things that you can do yourself. Exercise is a wonderful way to alleviate depression, if it is not the serious kind. Learning yoga, meditation, and relaxation techniques are other things that you can do yourself that might be helpful.

It is foolish to suffer. Please get some help. Good luck!

It's good to know someone else has been here...
My husband is under tremendous stress at work. I am all weird about everything. He gets mad at me, I cry...we wind up screaming our heads off for nothing. I HATE it. I try to be reasonable but it is nearly impossible. I suppose another try at it can't hurt anything.

Thanks guys. I appreciate all your support.

This just sucks.

I've always tried to be a friendly person, but when I'm depressed it's just not possible. I've learned to ask people to leave me alone sometimes, but they just don't understand.

One thing that is important is to 'do stuff'. Posting here, walking, work, writing and listening to whatever tunes move me at the moment helps me out.

I happen to be a depressive, who lives with another depressive. We express ourselves in pretty much the same way you two seem to do. I always think she is overreacting, and feel the need to retreat. She feels she cannot express her emotions except in ways that I see as extreme, so therein lies the dilemma. I always think it is me, she always thinks it is her. Neither of us feel we can really talk to each other.

I did go for therapy. Cognitive behavioral Therapy (CBT) which was amazing, and quick. I never accepted drugs. I'm not sure what sort of therapy you went for, but regressive therapy is really not good for depressives. It just gives them ample time to dwell on the past, rather than think about the future.

My take these days is that it really isn't so much about how one perceives themselves, but more about how they communicate their feelings with others. Your hubby might be a bit depressed himself, and not know how to express it in a way you can understand, just as you feel about him.

One thing I've found that works is to set boundaries when you talk and/or argue. It's a bit like S & M . Partners react in different ways to perceived slights or threats. Sometimes we all say really stupid things. Make a rule that if emotional buttons are being pushed, the one who feels pushed takes a deep breath and says, politely, "you are pushing my buttons." When either partner hears that, it's a 'red alert' to calm down, listen, and start talking like adults.

One other thing. Don't fall into that trap of feeling you 'need' to convince him it's 'you.' It takes two to tango, and compromise is the solution, not self-deprecation. Also, don't fall into the 'I hate it when people don't like me' trap either. Thankfully, for us depressives, that is generally not the case. Love, concern and frustration from those close to us maybe, but nothing more, and it's really all about the love. Think about it this way, if he didn't love you, he wouldn't get frustrated, upset, or think that it's 'him'.

Just coming full circle here, to your first paragraph, never assume he 'doesn't understand' or does 'nothing to help the situation', and then go on to ask how you can convince him 'it's you, not him'. Mixed messages, but very in line with depression. You have to start thinking that it's actually about both of you, and find a middle ground. Sorry if I'm rambling, it's just that I've been there, and still live with it.

two things have helped me tremendously - running and therapy for about a year and a half. 1. the value of talking to a professional who is trained to help to whom you can relate cannot be understated. 2. with running, came a sense of accomplishment, escape from self, sense of accomplishment, a community, opportunity to give back to the community (in this rough order). i think part of the key was being able to find an activity into which i could channel some of my angst and frustration and it blossomed from there. so i too as above advocate an activity which you can put yourself into, which can then open up opportunities to help others.-t.

I'm not sure if I can help, I've never been clinically depressed and haven't had therapy either, but when I
get stressed out and everything seems to cave in,
I simply stop and try to recharge. I'll take a day of
pampering, soaking in the tub, having a massage and
spend some quality time with my family, go out for
dinner to a special restaurant and so on....

Regular exercising, or better kick boxing helps also
to release stress.

The key is, not to let stress and bad feelings build up
to something that is so overwhelming, that you cannot
handle it any longer by yourself.

A girl's night out can do wonders too

I tend to hold everything in until something tiny sets me off and it's like a dam has broke...my husband goes nuts when I do this because he feels like he is being attacked. Which I suppose he is. I am a dweller. *sigh* I hate it.

I am so glad to hear that other people are going through/or have gone through this same thing...not that I want them to be misrable too....but it makes me feel less crazy. Sometimes I really start to think that I am crazy.

Anyway, I think I will try some of the suggestions you all gave. I appreciate it. My best friend is a therapist and so I hear a lot of psycho-babble. I it nice to hear it from people who have experienced it. Because you can't really understand it unless you've been there.

Thanks to all my A2K'er therapists! :wink: I will check in with you all in a while and let you know how it is going.

Remember that not all therapists are equal. My parents have gone through several before settling on one that actually helps. You have the right to say you're not interested in meds, you want to talk about things and regain some equilibrium but meds are not to enter the picture.

Sometimes it's incredibly therapeutic just to talk to someone who will sit there and listen carefully and not bring their own baggage and validate what you're feeling. I went to a therapist for a while when I first became deaf, I loved it. She listened! I came to all kinds of realizations just by talking my head off and seeing themes emerge.

I love your cheese head!

I'd say the first thing you have to do is be comfortable with the fact that not everybody'll like you. I also don't like when someone dissaproves of me so I regularly act in a way in which people can't have negative feelings towards me. But I've found out that by doing that I live to please others, not myself. And, well, if those people were close to me I'd do it, but for strangers I'm trying to make like me, it's not worth it, at least most of the times.

I hope the next story helps you (it's copied and pasted from another post):

2003 was a bad year for me, I suffered from depression and I'm not sure what was the cause.

It all started when I fainted on the New Year's celebration at church. At that time, I was thinking about a grudge I had with my then band members and seeing Jesus on the cross while questioning my religious beliefs. I've always felt a little gloomy when winter comes here, the shortness of daylight, cold weather, rain... it all adds up to make me feel with less energy. Plus, that year I had to do lots of homework for I was in the International Baccalaureate (IB) programme and hadn't done most of my works due january.

After I fainted, I became afraid as I thought what would've happened if my family weren't there. I went to see the school psychologist, and it didn't help me at all. On april, I went to see a psyquiatrist on a recommendation by my girlfriend's father. He gave me Paxil, but I was resistant to take the medicine, so I didn't. Until one night I became so desperated I ended up taking the pills. To my surprise, they worked, but they only worked for 2-3 months before I started feeling like crap again. Doctor told me he saw me much better but I felt almost the same; when I told him that, doctor then gave me another pill to add to the mix and I didn't feel very different but he continued to say I was almost out of treatment so I had to see him less.

November came and I broke up the 1y4m relationship with my girlfriend and the 2y+ relationship with my band. December came and I decided to take less pill dose, it was my own decision. That month, we went on a family vacation to the center states and contrary to what I thought I didn't need the pills at all.

2004 enters, everybody's happy, I had won a battle against depression but I knew I hadn't won the war. On march, I saw Gothika which really scared me as it hit me on my weak spot. By May I was again at a psychologist office, but this time she helped me confirm what I first suspected:

The change is always in yourself, you might need help but the important step is your obligation. It all came down to one decision, a real decision to not be depressed anymore, that was the easiest and hardest decision I've ever taken.

I know I'll feel depressed some other time, but at least now I feel more calm about it since I know it's only temporary and that I have the power to make it short.

Kristie, I suffer from depression too. I wonder why you are so against meds? I see them as replacing the "happy men" that our brain just doesn't make for some reason. Therapy is more effective if the depression is being managed by meds - as you are dealing with genuine psychological issues, (not the issues arising from the biological illness). And the resolution of psychological issues can, in turn, help enable our brains to naturally produce more "happy men". Sometimes our psychological issues aren't causing the depression, it is purely a biological illness. Most times, it is a bit of both. That is why meds and therapy in conjunction is usually the most effective strategy in combatting depression. And it is about finding the right meds, and right therapy. I would hate to think, you are suffering still, merely because you received the wrong meds and wrong therapy. Therapy can also include hypnotherapy, breathwork etc but again you would need treat the biological depression first. I have tried all available natural therapies to treat the biological depression to no avail - I have found only meds to be effective but it took me 5 trials of various drugs to find the one that worked for me. I have also had "bad" therapy, but have persisted until I found "good" therapy. Everyone's experiences are different. I hope you chose "quality of life", for yourself, no matter which path may best for you. XX Jacinta

going to therapy was the best thing i ever did...
life was not meant to be lived the way you are living it...
there is no cure....just finding a way to manage it daily...
Loise Hay is an author you should check out sometime
so sorry you're feelingthis way...the more you commit to doing something about it...therapy, reading meditating the better you will feel
unfortunately the depression parasite makes even doing the smallest positive thing diffiecult
keep a journal of all that you are doing to help yourself...when i did that i saw how much i THOUGHT i did was not the same as what i ACTUALLy did
good luck

Fortunatly for me, I am not so depressed that I can't function. I was that way a while back, in college, for a while. I didn't want to leave my room. 4 therapists and meds later I was able to overcome.

I am still able to get out of bed in the morning, still have my sex drive (thank GOD!), still want to see other people and still enjoy things that I like to do but there is always that little nagging feeling. I get unhappy so easily. My emotions are very fragile right now, which is what scares me. I don't want a relaps like back in college.

I am working on me right now...I am really trying so we will see how it goes!

Kristie--

I'm prone to SAD--Seasonal Affective Disorder and have a light box which helps enormously. The extra light improves both my spirits and my energy levels.

Do you exercise regularly? Exercise releases natural endorphins, natural mood elevators. I hate exercise, but I'm a much happier person if I spend between 45 and 60 minutes every day waving my legs and arms around and peddling to nowhere on a stationary bike.

Will power without physical activity just isn't enough.

Being someone who's trying to deal with depression and a husband who can't/won't help, I've begun a voyage of self discovery, that although is not helping to solve my problems at this time, is helping me to appreciate who I am and appreciate others around me. "Dropped Threads" is a compliation book put together by Canadian author Carol Shields and it celebrates all aspects of womanhood (the good, the bad and the birthing) and I recommend it as a good read for all women.

Take the time to nurture yourself and your female friendships because girlfriends are the ones who'll come to your house and clean your toilet for you when you're bedridden.