Affair with married man

You didn't ask for advice. Si I'll just ask questions:

How old are you and him?

Are there children involved?

Why won't he leave the wife.

Are you his first affair?

I'm 27 and he is 35

Yes there are kids involved he has 3

We have never mentioned about him leaving the wife I just know he won't.

He has told me about previous girls he met and had one night stands with .. He has been doing this for years.

But he says he has never done what he has with me.. As in actually make time to see me.. We don't always have sex when we see each other we talk to each other and he always asks me for advice when he has an issue.

I just don't know what to do .. I'm falling for him and every time I want to try and end this I just can't

Then do the sensible thing and get yourself tested for STDs.

So he has been cheating on his wife for years, which means you are just another notch on his belt. How do you know he is still not seeing and screwing others besides you when the opportunity arises? (Trick question. You cannot know this with any certainty. Just making a point.)

If you're ok with being his piece of ass on the side and don't give a rip about what might happen to his family if his wife finds out, then just keep doing what you're doing. (He obviously doesn't care about what might happen to his family, so why should you, right?) No big deal. Personally, I don't see why you would even want to have a relationship with a man who obviously has so little regard for relationships based on how he is treating his wife. If he thinks so little of that relationship that he is willing to cheat on her, why would you think he values what he has with you any more highly?

Of course, maybe his wife is ok with him cheating on her. Maybe they have an understanding? Why don't you suggest getting together with his wife so you can ask her if it is ok for you to screw her husband?

Or better yet, why don't you just end things and find someone who is available? In the mean time, I certainly suggest you regularly get tested for STDs. He is a player and you are one of many who he has played or is playing with.

Not many relationships come that you cherish. So dumping this one and looking for another won't work in your mind and why shud you? Just enjoy the relationship until it's fruitful , don't expect more. Expectations is what will create problems. Until you know your limits it's fine ... sooner or later dopamine wil fade away like in all relationships . Then you can walk away with its experience . Experience love while it's visiting .

I can relate. You didn't really ask a question and I don't really have any answers.
But I'm in a kinda similar boat....but I'm married too.

He has a wife and kids.
I have a husband, no kids.

We both love what we have together; a really strong and loving relationship, but are we both ready to throw away our whole life for each other?? We both have no clue!

He might not leave his wife for you, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or care for you deeply, it just a really messed up position to be in and not easy to walk away from a life you built. Give it time and see what happens.

It's been 2 years for us and we're still having an affair, but talk about how great it would be waking up beside each other every day. Who know what will happen and when.

Your question need to be, can YOU handle being the other woman?
Pretending you're single when you're kinda not really?
That's hard!

Yikes!!! I've been there and done that sweetie. I had an affair on my wife after being married to her for 20 years. She is my first love. My high school sweetheart. The reason you know he won't leave his wife is because you know he loves her. Here in lies the problem. He is seeing you because he is bored with his sex life. He is not meaning to but he is useing you to fulfill that need. You make him feel young and alive. This is something he really feels he is missing in life. If his wife has no idea he is doing this and he gets caught all hell is going to brake loose. Again he won't leave because he loves her and when she finds out and believe me one day she will they are both going to be crushed. Her for being betrayed and him for betraying her. I've gone down this road. It took me five years just to be able to look at myself in the mirror after being responsible for that type of betrayal and yes I was a home with my wife during those five years. Pain that I never ever again want to cause or experience for that matter. Maybe that's just my story but I have the feeling this story has been played out over and over again. It's called human nature. Hope this helps you. Oh and one more thing his feelings for you are more then likely very real as well. I had 3 kids at home while this was happening as well. They watched their hero of a dad fight day after day to put himself back together again after his selfish acts of betrayal. So that's five people I drug under the bus from hell along with myself. Just food for thought.

I have read everyones comments and I am still in the same position. it has been nearly a year of us being together and now he has said he loves me and I am in love with him.
I have no idea what to do. I have never felt like this before but I know deep down he wont leave his wife and kids.

I actually dont know what to do. I sometimes question if he does love me the way i love him.

Please can i get some advice on how i can get control of my life back, because ever since this affair started im lying to everyone just so that i can go out and see him especially to my family.

I love him a lot and we both enjoy each others time and we can actaully talk to each other about anything.

But i know if i get caught with him the blame will be put on me and with us both being muslims and from the same area, our famillies will not be happy.

Then end it.

you have no idea how many times ive tired and then we are back to square one ..

Then try harder.

Seriously - and I'm sorry if that sounds like a flip response - but give back anything you've been given, block him on all forms of contact (and I mean ALL), don't open your door to him or open letters from him and tell him to go scratch.

Or get counseling until you are strong enough to do so.

You are a grown woman and you have control of your destiny.

That's me exactly. Been 3 years, he is married with 2 adult kids, I'm married with no kids. Want to be with him all the time and getting depressed about the time we spend apart, which feels like wasted time to me.

The time you are spending together is the wasted time.

Don't love your husband? Then get a divorce.
Still love your husband? Then either try to make it work or let him go so he can find someone who will treat him better and not screw him over.

And get some counseling while you're at it. Find out why you're messing with a sure thing (your marriage) in favor of someone who is unattainable, and why you're obsessing over it.

I'm not against divorce at all, BTW, and you don't have kids so it will be a division of property and not much else. It can be a cordial split (you don't have to have screaming fights in order to get a divorce; they are not a prerequisite at all). If you want to stay together, then put your heart and soul into it, for someone who you at least once loved. And if you don't love him anymore, then at least be decent enough to let him go so he can be loved by someone else, like he deserves.

I understand. I have met a man that I have known of most of my whole life. Our paths have cross several times over the years. But I really didn’t remember this . About a year ago our path has come in direct contact. We started out just talking . He told me how he remembered me in school, and where I was sitting in a classroom. And also at a job I had when I was younger. Oh we are in our sixties. I’m not married and he has been for over 40 years. He would give me a hug when saying goodbye and maybe a kiss on the cheek. I didn’t give it much thought. Then he offers to help me with hard jobs around my house and I was very happy to have the help. Then about ten months ago things became more serious. Now I have met his wife and I see them both once a week. I know it is not right but I don’t want to lose my friendship with him but I don’t want to be the cause of the breakup if it came to that. He is the first man I have been involved with because of circumstances that controlled my life. We like the same things, know the same people. A lot in common. For me this feels right but I know it is wrong and I was not brought up to do things like this. I am confused everyday as to what to do.

As a man .. he is using you for sex and to boost his own ego. If you are OK with that keep having sex. If not stop calling, talking, seeing, block his phone, block his email. If you think you have a chance to be with him tell his wife ... take proof of affair. He will drop you like a hot coal. FYI, He will cheat on you too so prepare yourself.

Why can't you stop? You are an adult - you can control your urges.

Saying you can't stop is a cop out and selling yourself short. It means you do not want to stop - not that you cannot.

You continue it is just going to get worse. What happens if you get too clingy - likely he will cut you off and now you lost your choice.

Having an affair does not just happen as you say - you have to make a conscience decision to participate. Once it started to lead to one thing - you should have stopped it -- if you did not want to have an affair with a married.

But you did not. So now you are falling for him - again you should not be surprised - you are having an intimate relationship with him - unless you are a completely cold unemotional person it is reasonable that you would fall for him.

You always have a choice; one may be hard but you do have a choice - you just have to decide which choice to make - and usually the better choice is the harder one.

How do you feel about hurting these children? You are - you both are. Maybe that will give you the motivation to leave him.

Oh my gosh I didn't realize this is weeks old - did you dump his sorry a$$?