Did I deserve to be hit for cheating?

@Fil Albuquerque,

I'm beginning to think it's the latter..

0 Replies

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

Yes, and you still don't get it.

I think you need to read what you wrote. But rather than do that, why don't you just cut to the chase and say that you do not advocate slapping a woman in the face for betraying your trust.

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@Glennn,

That is for me to decide and for her to prosecute. I know what fair treatment is, don't need your help thank you. Cheating depending on the situation and the kind of bound established between a couple can be far worse then a slap...it can wreck a life. In my case I know it would. Naturally there are many occasions on which cheating is just normal and expectable, so it depends.

Moreover if you don't mind me asking if physical punishment doesn't work why it is not extinct by now ? You see not only its not extinct but I bet 100% of the people on this forum where physically violent to someone in one or another occasion in their life's. Guess why ? Yeah their instinct reacted with what was perceived as appropriate embodied reply to an X given situation.

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@Fil Albuquerque,

Funny enough my wife slap me a few times when we started our relation quite at the beginning 12 years ago or so and we had a couple of nonsensical discussions... when at the heat of the discussion I would pacifically stop interacting with her and I would ask her to leave she totally lost it for a few couple of times and she would push me and slap me to talk back at her, while I insisted we better talk the next day and ask her out of my house. She would stay at the door for an hour or so, even if raining, and eventually move me to open back the door and make peace. One of her biggest complaints at the time was on about my lack of physical reaction interaction as if I didn't like her back. Go figure how diversified is this world...

...and yes I am making a stance on a very difficult topic like this because I hate clichés...

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Quote:

That is for me to decide and for her to prosecute. I know what fair treatment is, don't need your help thank you. Cheating depending on the situation and the kind of bound established between a couple can be far worse then a slap....naturally there are many occasions on which cheating is just normal and expectable, so it depends

At least you understand that striking another human being is a prosecutable offence. I hope you stipulated to your partner that the penalty in the case of her possible infidelity is being physically abused.

Quote:

Moreover if you don't mind me asking if physical punishment doesn't work why it is not extinct by now ?

Your definition of effective is when a person stops doing something out of fear of being battered. Physical violence is not extinct because there are always going to be people who believe that it comes in handy when expressing disappointment. But in reality, it is the act of an emotionally immature individual. It solves nothing.

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Quote:

One of her biggest complaints at the time was on about my lack of physical reaction interaction as if I didn't like her back.

If she asks for abuse, that's one thing. But the OP said nothing about the slap and choking turning her on.

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@Glennn,

I guess I need to spell out every detail to you. I still remember that psychological 2x4 to the head after decades but yes, I got over it, as will most of the others she hurt. But because she still has no understanding of what she is doing, she is apparently destined to never get over it and lives a frustrating, unhappy life.

About 5 years ago she emailed me looking for comfort, wondering what had gone wrong in her life. Since it was relevant to what she was asking I brought up our history. She blew it off, did not see herself as having done anything worthy of criticism and thought I was being cruel to even mention it.
She and her current husband visited me and my partner about a year ago. Of course I said nothing about the past this time but it was obvious that nothing had changed.

But just because she wronged me does not mean I don't wish better for her.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

But if I'm honest about it, sometimes I feel guilty when I see them repeat the same psychological violence on their next victims.

You do not need to spell anything out for my benefit. I have quoted you here saying that your concern was for the next victim of her psychological violence.

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@Glennn,

No she asks not for abuse but her instinct thought sensed my absolutely abstract reaction was not adequate for a couple deeply in love as we were.

...also let me tell you that from my wife own words many people wish to be on her shoes when it comes to conjugal happiness. We are that 1 in a million case. Everybody around us knows that.

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@Glennn,

The OP was a starting point for a more general debate...I am not debating the OP atm. I am also not off topic.

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Well, I'm glad you and your partner found each other and get along so well.

I did not say that you were off-topic. I was making the point that the OP did not see the physical abuse as anything other than abuse.

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@Glennn

Oh jeez, why do I bother...

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Physically or psychologically people either learn why they should not do something or they fear the consequences...Many people don't rob banks out of fear of being jailed so what is your point ?

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

Oh jeez, why do I bother...

You wouldn't have to bother at all if you would just not write what you don't intend to mean.

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@Fil Albuquerque,

Quote:

Physically or psychologically people either learn why they should not do something or they fear the consequences...Many people don't rob banks out of fear of being jailed so what is your point ?

You're comparing bank robbery with a woman cheating on her boyfriend. I know you are intending to mean that there are consequences to all actions. However, the consequences for cheating on a boyfriend is estrangement.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Oh I agree estrangement is a good round word for what cheating deserves regarding serious mature relations. We just disagree that embodied expressions of repugnance are NEVER appropriate. Mind you that this is an intellectual debate, I am probably the most physically peaceful guy on A2K. Its quite ironic the part I have to play to make an intellectual point.

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Yes, we disagree as to the proper method of ending a relationship.

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@Glennn,

...I am serious, you should by mindful that we are essentially animals not floating souls gardening in paradise...I am making a stance on this just because of the radical NEVER is appropriate indefensible argument you and some other people tried to put fourth...nature disagrees all over the species range.

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Okay, so you identify more closely with your animality than with your personality. That's your choice. However, I think that it is essential that you consider growth as a matter of being. And growing, in the context of the discussion here, involves the idea of trying to see beyond your knee-jerk reactions to being rejected by a woman. It is never appropriate to strike a woman, or anyone, in the face simply because they violated the terms of your relationship. You are not a three-year old child, and yet you maintain the thought patterns of one.

You believe that because a woman has hurt you, you have a right to hurt her back. But since you cannot use rejection to hurt her as she has done to you, you believe that you are entitled to use the only hurt-tool at your disposal--your hands.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Wrong on all accounts and fronts...
A woman is absolutely free to leave me with previous note she no longer likes me. Same with a friend. Treason is another thing and it might or might not depending on the relation justify a physical symbolic reaction. In some countries treason against a group of people warrants dead sentence...now thats an overkill but it shows just how shady the all debate is...

Second point personality doesn't clash with animality as you seem to suggest on your bimodal linear thought process. Rather one is the outcome of the other.

...finally I wish all 60 year old and above could stand on the same place and ground my 3 year old mind is right now...the world would be far more coherent and peaceful..

1 Reply

Did I deserve to be hit for cheating?

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