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Did I deserve to be hit for cheating?

 
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  0  
Reply Tue 12 Apr, 2016 12:28 pm
@Fil Albuquerque,
Since ever I have a particular distaste for tabus, shall nots, and ought nots, specially when they go against nature time trials. We are physical entities that express themselves physically...one thing is to make a case for balance, all very well, society is build on it, quite another, to raise an ABSOLUTE rejection of physical punishment as a legitimate mean for EDUCATION in specific circunstances. This stance of mine is off topic as you will see me reject many other things on the same basis. Again I really do get annoyed with common sense fashionable certainty and all its obviously you shall not this or shall not that...almost nothing is obvious to me since I noticed I had a head between my shoulders, much less this modern bull that a few slaps have no usefulness. Sometimes speaking just doesn't make the point tangible enough. Pavlovian conditioning it is indeed sometimes the best educative solution, specially with very young people.
Curiously we live in an age with severe psychological violence and trauma where PTSD is no longuer exclusive of war veterans....funny enough people are fine at each others throats destroying people mentally and emotionally but so long there is no touching all is ok...modern world is hands down total scitzophrenic, a melting pot of contradiction and sheer symbolic nonsense.
0 Replies
 
Glennn
 
  3  
Reply Tue 12 Apr, 2016 04:32 pm
Here’s what happened. Girlfriend lives with boyfriend. Girlfriend has date with said boyfriend. Girlfriend decides to forego date with boyfriend in favor meeting, and having sexual intercourse with, ex-boyfriend. Boyfriend finds out about meeting. Boyfriend slaps girlfriend and chokes her. Girlfriend now wants to know if she deserved to be slapped and choked.

Girlfriend has omitted details of how boyfriend came to be aware of her infidelity. Girlfriend may be seeking to lessen, if not justify, betraying her boyfriend by showing herself to be a victim of his abuse, thereby garnering support and sympathy for her predicament. Perhaps girlfriend was tired of boyfriend, but was unsure of how to go about changing her situation. Who knows?

However, boyfriend should have expressed his hurt at having been betrayed by turning around and walking away so that he could eventually come to terms with what had happened and then determine a course of action. That would be a response. Instead, boyfriend expresses his anger by hitting and choking girlfriend. There is nothing symbolic about this action. Boyfriend wanted emotional satisfaction. He could have commented on the heartlessness of her act; he could have told her that he would never have done something like that to her; he could have told her that he thinks they should spend some time apart; he could have asked why she did it; he could have done a lot of things.
Instead, he chose to strike her in the face and then choke her, which solved nothing. He wittingly or unwittingly demonstrated his lack of emotional self-control. And whether he knows it or not, he has given others the right to give him a good fist-beating for hitting a woman whose only crime was disappointing him by betraying his trust.
Leadfoot
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 12 Apr, 2016 04:51 pm
@Glennn,
You might be right. I always handled it the non-physical way myself, told them exactly what they did and walked away. Ironically, they called my words a slap they didn't deserve.

But if I'm honest about it, sometimes I feel guilty when I see them repeat the same psychological violence on their next victims. They gave every indication that my way of handling it was seen as verification that their behavior was an acceptable way to go through life. Would a physical slap be a wakeup call they could hear? IDK.
Fil Albuquerque
 
  0  
Reply Tue 12 Apr, 2016 05:39 pm
@Leadfoot,
Never hit a women or a child so far in my life, but I can assure that if my girlfriend did something like this she would earn herself a very secured very controled very frivolous 1x slap in her face and a pair of skaters out of my life with no appeal nor regret. That single slap would be a far more efficient long term memory then giving her the protagonist role of even addressing her with words. Not a word from me, zilch, quick symbolic slap n get out mute as a wall. I have no moral doubts upon this.
0 Replies
 
Glennn
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Apr, 2016 06:34 pm
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
I feel guilty when I see them repeat the same psychological violence on their next victims. They gave every indication that my way of handling it was seen as verification that their behavior was an acceptable way to go through life. Would a physical slap be a wakeup call they could hear? IDK.

But you are not responsible for the emotional behavior of another human being. And you are not above civil law. Slapping another person when not defending yourself is called assault and battery. You believe that the person who has offended you emotionally will change their ways if you answer their emotional abuse with physical abuse. But at best, all they would learn is maybe when to duck. Fighting fire with fire serves only to build a bigger fire; it doesn't serve to add light to a dark situation.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 06:44 am
@Glennn,
Quote:
But you are not responsible for the emotional behavior of another human being. And you are not above civil law. Slapping another person when not defending yourself is called assault and battery.
You can take the 'I am my brother's keeper' thing too far but not sure I could ever take the 'take no chances, whatever's best for me' attitude.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 06:53 am
You guys can rationalize about it all day long.

But the cheating and the hitting are two different things: assault is a crime. Cheating is not.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 07:04 am
@bobsal u1553115,
I dunno, we have now embraced the concept of 'Hate Crimes'. You endorse that since 'legalities' are all you consider?
Glennn
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 08:27 am
@Leadfoot,
Let's say that I see you slap a woman in the face. And let's say that I respond by punching you in the head. And let's say that someone sees me punch you in the head, and they walk up to me and hit me in the stomach. Now, according to you, all is forgiven because everyone involved was provoked, and therefore within their rights to react as they did.

Physical violence is never justified unless you are protecting yourself or another from harm. You want to define emotional upset as harm. But if that were the case, I get to punch anyone who hurts my feelings.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:00 am
@Glennn,
I think we're past the point of you seeing where I'm coming from..
Glennn
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:14 am
@Leadfoot,
Did I misunderstand you when I heard you say that you feel guilty when you see them repeat the same psychological violence on their next victims, and that a physical slap might deter them from repeating the same psychological violence against another?
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:18 am
@Glennn,
Probably..
Glennn
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:20 am
@Leadfoot,
What you said was pretty black and white. What did you really mean to say if not what you actually said?
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:26 am
@Glennn,
I felt guilty for not helping the girl.
Glennn
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:38 am
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
But if I'm honest about it, sometimes I feel guilty when I see them repeat the same psychological violence on their next victims. They gave every indication that my way of handling it was seen as verification that their behavior was an acceptable way to go through life. Would a physical slap be a wakeup call they could hear?

You were obviously referring to the girl as the one guilty of inflicting psychological violence . . .
Fil Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:40 am
One good example were physical or corporal punishment applies quite well was yesterday illustrated by my wife when she recalled one episode on which her nephew kicked her really hard while storming by the house for no good reason when he was six or so...she grabbed him and gave him a good spank in the but as an immediate appropriate reaction. Said nephew is today the best student of University of Coimbra Law school and never disagreed with the punishment he received at the time, he loves her aunt. She and I are pretty sure that a time out wouldn't have the same lasting memory effect on conveying limits on the right time. The immediate reciprocation of physical punishment was adequate.

Again one thing is to make a case to avoid physical violence as much as possible, or don't advocate for it because some really stupid people will miss interpret where it should apply, and quite another to make a case for the absolute rejection of its potential usefulness in a few well illustrated cases.
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:44 am
@bobsal u1553115,
If Law abiding is your best justification then I rest my case.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:50 am
@Glennn,
Quote:
You were obviously referring to the girl as the one guilty of inflicting psychological violence . . .
Yes, and you still don't get it.
Glennn
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:50 am
@Fil Albuquerque,
You don't slap a woman because she betrayed your trust.
Fil Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Apr, 2016 09:53 am
@Leadfoot,
Should we now talk her through embodied cognition/intelligence ? Or going there is a to far connection for her to grasp ? Wink
 

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