11
   

Did I deserve to be hit for cheating?

 
 
saab
 
  5  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:06 am
No you should under no circumstances be hit and worse chooked.
Noone should hit someone.
What about you did your boyfriend deserve you treated him like that?
What kind of dinner had he planned - a hamburger at McD or a special
romantic dinner with candlelights and flowers?
If I had planned a very special dinnner and my friend cheated with the ex while I wait and wait and worry what had happened- I would have gotten really mad - I would not have hit anyone - I would have left.
Fil Albuquerque
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:07 am
Time to leave the thread for me. As I said nothing worth to spend time over in here. Bye guys, later.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  4  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:09 am
@Fil Albuquerque,
Quote:
The actions of this woman WERE of extreme psychological violence.


They may just have been the actions of a battered woman (psychologically or physically) seeking solace and relief from a woman battering bully in the arms of a loving and gentle partner.
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:12 am
@saab,
saab wrote:

No you should under no circumstances be hit and worse chooked.
Noone should hit someone.
What about you did your boyfriend deserve you treated him like that?
What kind of dinner had he planned - a hamburger at McD or a special
romantic dinner with candlelights and flowers?
If I had planned a very special dinnner and my friend cheated with the ex while I wait and wait and worry what had happened- I would have gotten really mad - I would not have hit anyone - I would have left.


This was exactly the kind of situation I imagined in my mind and my wife being the single most important person in my life since ever, even more important then my late mother, I can assure you had such a preposterous thing occurred, a symbolic slap would be in place coming from me. Just one, and a definitive one. As for anyone's judgements upon my action, I say frack them. I am old enough to know and distinguish between words and actions and to know when something is appropriate proportional or not. A slap in the face, minimal strength, (intended as a psychological symbol of utter repugnance like spitting) is a direct ender in my interpretation of what face slapping means. As for my personal life, my wife's happiness with me, she is mocked by her sisters while on the phone with me calling me her "sweet prince" such is the special kind of bound we have in the past 12 years, (same as the first day we started no change) is a testament on what kind of husband I am. No need for words actions speak for me.

PS - Now I am definitely off.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:13 am
@Leadfoot,
I knew what you meant. I used that and moved the word to the ordinary usage, which is not "trying to be cute". It was more along the lines of what Parados was saying was going on.

Oh, I'm fairly thin now. (There, that's trying to be cute)
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:14 am
@bobsal u1553115,
Quote:
What pass? Can you prove past a confession any act of "cheating" even happened? Where is the damage to the "cheated on"?

There are no justifiable occasions to strike first and choke.


Holy **** man, all we have here are her words. We haven't even heard his side. In my case, choking was one of the accusations. I had in fact put my hands on her shoulders (to hold her away from myself, she was hitting me) and she used that as the basis for a choking charge. Not saying that happened here but if we're going to speculate on other than what the OP said...

And BTW, you must have lived a charmed life if you can't imagine psychological damage.

(leaving with Fil..)

ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:22 am
@ossobuco,
Are people suggesting there is ever a time it is appropriate to physically assault a partner/person?

Disgusting.
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:23 am
@ehBeth,
Yes.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:23 am
@Fil Albuquerque,
Fil Albuquerque wrote:

There is slapping and slapping.


no. no, there is not.

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:28 am
@Leadfoot,
Most adults (well, many) and certainly people posting on this thread understand psychological damage. No one has said psychological damage is a fine thing. It does not justify violence.
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:35 am
How often has this situation not occured.
A kid or teenager does not come home. Mum worries herself into hysteria, calls
everybody, search and the whole neighborhood is helping searching
Several hours later the kid walks in "Oh I was over at ...and fed the pigs"
Mum is so relieved, her first reaction is to punish and hit once - then thankful nothing happened and hugs and kisses the kid.
It is so easy to say never ever hit - what if we get into a situation where no longer have control over our feelings because we go so hurt, worried or verbally mis
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 09:57 am
@saab,
We all understand the desire to hit our children or significant others can happen. Doing it is at the least a problem.

I was only spanked once, and couldn't figure out why, it made no sense to me.
I got home from school early one day and the doorman let me into our apartment. He didn't come in, not a creepy old man. I was eight. My mother did a ritual spanking, clearly so I wouldn't do that again. But she didn't explain anything. Fear, of course, of what could have happened, and then fear of ever mentioning anything to do with sex. (She never did, in all those years of my growing up; neither did my father). That one spanking is understandable to me now, but not then. A conversation would have been wiser, as I was left knowing nothing, and hating being hit. I wasn't particularly stupid at eight and could have understood that she was worried about my safety. I didn't learn that, though, there not being that conversation.

The matter of spanking is argued, folks vary on it, a cultural variability going on about it. Not the same thing as this thread situation.
Ragman
 
  4  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 10:00 am
@saab,
Once again, we're not just talking about hitting. We're not talking about a parent dealing with their child!

We're talking about hitting and then choking! That's a whole other level of severity of violence. That's a show-stopper!

Let's get real here. We're talking to a woman who might be lucky to be alive! We might be helping a woman to save herself from possibly getting killed.

This major incident and risk to her safety and life cannot be dismissed!
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 10:06 am
@saab,
saab wrote:
It is so easy to say never ever hit - what if we get into a situation where no longer have control over our feelings because we go so hurt, worried or verbally mis


it is still not acceptable to hit another person - it just isn't

if you think you're going to hit someone, man/woman/adult/child ... anyone , step away, calm down, come back.

it's a dealbreaker for me - in relationships including friendships (where I've witnessed someone hit another - or heard them say it's ok)
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 11:19 am
@ossobuco,
My mother had a temper and she was very very much against any form of phycical punishment. Still I got spanked on my rear end when I did something really ennoying. Every time fair. I did not mind as it was just a question of one second and I could continue playing. She could make a convinsing speach about not spanking a child - it got to be a family joke.
My father who was a very kind man sat me down for a conversation about why I had done something wrong. I found it sooo boring as I wanted to continue with what I was doing and had no patience what so ever for long explanations for something I knew I should not have done.
See how different we people are.
Fil Albuquerque
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 11:58 am
@saab,
At ages well below 10 or 12 Pavlovian conditioning, a slap in the hand or in the but, is far more effective then having a conversation about Moral or Ethics (the world is gone bananas...obviously one should not debate natural philosophy specially behaviour that endured tens of thousands of years). Of course this does not equate to abuse people just because they are young or physically frail and cannot defend themselves. Punishment is essentially symbolic and if effective an exercise in learning for the punished person.

I was about to leave this thread because its more of the same old tabu stuff people cannot talk about, but you stepped in with a middle ground sensible and essentially HONEST input so it was worth to come back.

PS - One adult hitting another is a relationship killer no doubts. In my case I've tried to convey exactly that idea. How in certain obnoxious situations a symbolic slap just intends to mean I abhor you and we are DEFINITELY over ! If anything this guy is an BIG time idiot first for choking her and second for not dropping the relation as soon as he knew what happened.
saab
 
  4  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 12:16 pm
@Fil Albuquerque,
My daughter as a 3 year old was slamming one door in the kitchen cabinet.
She did not stop even when I asked her to. I got so mad . To really show her off I slammed the door so hard it fell down on the floor. I thought it was such a funny situation I just started to laugh but she started to cry as she could not understand the funny side.
I had to comfort her. She thought it was a very bad form of punishment and that I even laughed about it.
I had hurt her little soul and she needed comfort.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 12:30 pm
@Fil Albuquerque,
We can talk about it. Some of us disagree with you. That serious spanking I got was not one pavlovian tap and I understood nothing from it except that my mother was acting weird. The rest of my upbringing - both before and after that - involved telling me about things, not hitting me.

A family member had a hard upbringing, her mother being an extreme drug addict who often left her with questionable people so she could get her daughter away from her so she could use or at least be alone. That was eventually resolved by father getting custody at last, after years of mother lying (she admitted it something like ten years later, to me). Anyway, from time she was two, I got to see her quite a lot, and we talked, I took her for walks and pointed out flowers and she pointed at things she noticed; we talked a lot over decades. She trusted me, we talked things out. I learned from her too. No, I never hit her, even at two in some light fashion. Her father's way of handling stuff was giving her "time outs". I never had reason to do a time out. She liked it when she was around my husband and me, her father usually there too. She was always curious about life around her, people, places, things.

Fil Albuquerque
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 03:43 pm
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

We can talk about it. Some of us disagree with you.


The world is round whether people like it or not and nature is not corrected by humans, rather it corrects them...in a thousand years time there still be people disagreeing with me, which of course is a good sign, as natural rules are not artificially bent that easy, nor for long. That which works endures !
Personally I think a pinch of Victorian and Spartan education does wonders.
irisalert
 
  -4  
Reply Sun 10 Apr, 2016 05:50 pm
@loveplease123,
Actually, you started it that's why he was provoked to hurt you. However, a man with a good heart can never ever hurt (physically/emotionally) a woman. He may be truly sorry for what he did to you. But the question is, can you forgive and forget? Do you still want him in your life. The answer will depend on your feelings.
0 Replies
 
 

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