4
   

Looking For Closure

 
 
penth
 
Reply Mon 28 Mar, 2016 09:50 pm
So, my ex girlfriend 6 months before the last week she had worked at another workplace. I had got weird vibes from her for a couple of weeks to maybe a month and a half (less touching, no sex for at least a month, communication, she chose to spend 4th of July with her mom after I pretty much begged her to come with me to my family's, She conveniently ran into her ex multiple times and deleted texts that she had with him, She had a male coworker sending her sex music and was messaging constantly while hiding it. I had feelings that she was hiding something). Then and I confronted her. She flipped, and told me to mind my own, that she can do what she wants, I do not control her, "it is what it is", to stop accusing her, and then she gave me my engagement ring back. I just wanted her to convey her feelings to me bad or good. We took a break for about 2 weeks and near the end one of her female coworkers messaged me about a guy she had supposedly cheated on me with. I knew this coworker because she regularly stopped in at the store I worked in and I had never asked her about my ex's work environment and friendships. My ex said that it was because the female coworker was mad at her because she was friends with the guy coworker that the female coworker liked. I made a choice to trust my girlfriend of close to 4 years and fiancée for 5 months for the time being. She asked me over the phone if i would wait for her. I told her no, and that is what people who are trying to decide whether their affair is going to turn into a relationship and if it didn't work than she would have me to fall back on. We tried working our relationship out. The first couple weeks I was still pretty insecure: if her coworker was trying to get back at her why lie when the truth has so much more power to tank the relationship. Plus, after trying to work it out I caught her quick switching apps when I came in the room, just to find out that she was on Facebook. Doing what I don't know. And she is the type that will never tell the truth. I know this now. That is a little background on why I got even more insecure. I am insecure, but I think I control it well. She is as well. I cannot talk to another girl without her saying its my new girl then playing it off as a joke.

So, lately I have started feeling the same vibes and signs. She has used Snapchat to contact the same ex from the carnival and lying about it, deleting conversations from the same ex on Facebook, and other conversations with best friends and family. I found a photo of her with no shirt, only thing you can see is the top half-inch of the breast area no areola or nipples. It was in deleted pics and she said she was just taking pictures. Then when I talk to her about the hiding the Snapchats and face her she says that I would get mad if I found out, that, nothing is going on is why she hid it.Which makes it more suspicious in my opinion. Also, she broke up with me after I told her i knew she was lying. For months, she has been mean, rude, and not herself. like she wanted me to break up with her.

What should I think? I just want closure and to see what you guys think? Please feel free to analyse me as well. I' believe myself smart. Females are my Rock until they break my leg and I need a crutch.
 
CoastalRat
 
  3  
Reply Tue 29 Mar, 2016 07:35 am
@penth,
I think you got decent advice in the first thread you started about this situation. Not sure what you mean by looking for closure. You have closure. She broke up with you. It is over. That is as much closure as one ever needs. She chose someone else. That happens. Does not really matter why at this point.

PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Mar, 2016 11:01 am
@penth,
The "closure" is that you cannot trust her.

That's it.
0 Replies
 
penth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 08:44 am
Was more or less wondering if I could ever get to a point where a trust another. Maybe its me. But a good girl is hard to find it seems like.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 08:49 am
@penth,
penth wrote:

Was more or less wondering if I could ever get to a point where a trust another.


that's entirely up to you.

In the meantime, it's time to move on with your life.

What are you doing outside of work/school? what clubs are you part of? what sports do you actively participate in? what travel plans do you have for the year?
penth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 09:00 am
@ehBeth,
None, currently working from home repairing computers. but that is going slow. and no plans to go anywhere broke. since tax time people have stopped wanting to buy used stuff. or at least business has slowed down. no repairs in shop or anything.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 09:27 am
@penth,
If business is slow right now, take some time to go work out at a community centre, visit a museum or something, join a walking group. Take advantage of the time when you have it.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 09:27 am
@CoastalRat,
Quote:
She broke up with you. It is over. That is as much closure as one ever needs.

I kind of disagree. I think the closure that most people in penth's position are looking for is why they themselves are not able to let it go at that. The usual advice to 'let time heal the wound' does usually work but it misses the opportunity to learn the real answer and prevent repeating the same thing in the future.
penth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 09:41 am
@Leadfoot,
what should I have learned from this in your exp? just talking to others helps. Im pretty broken. I think i have found what i was looking for. I started dating her when she was young, and she hasnt gotten to see the world in the past 5 years like someone who would be single would have. she made some mistakes, but everyone should be happy. and if she has to make me unhappy for a little time just so she can seek happiness. Than who am I to fight it.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 10:27 am
@penth,
I won't pretend to know for certain what the exact lesson you should learn from this relationship is. There is a chance you are right about her need to explore but it is equally likely that the needed lesson is a more common one that many, including myself, needed to learn:
Never deny reality. See people (including ourselves) for what they are and not what we want or need them to be. It is not just the person we are afraid of losing, it is that ideal that we built around them and ideals are very hard to let go of. In effect, we make a false god of them.

penth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 06:00 pm
@Leadfoot,
Thank you! I couldn't get ahold of my mom who is wise and probably would of told me the same thing. I guess I have some growing up to do. But you guys have helped me get a perspective. I was looking for closure, but I probably should have been real with myself from the start. Once again, THX. I feel stronger for this insight.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Mar, 2016 09:01 pm
@penth,
You're welcome penth.
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing you all the best.
0 Replies
 
 

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