Not Sure If He's Being Truthful - Need Hard-core Advice

Forums: Trust, Relationships, Advice
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Before I go in-depth, I should start with I've had a lot of bad past relationships and trust is a big issue for me.

I moved to a new town last year right after graduation . Away from all of my friends who I quickly lost touch with. Being the youngest person in my workplace didn't yield many solid friendships, so when my sister suggested I try tinder to meet new people I decided to give it a go.

It was hard at first, I met a lot of shanty people, and when I was about to give up, I came in contact with the man I now have a serious relationship with.

We are very close, and although it's been a year since we've been together, I still find myself feeling distrusting at times.

We've built a pinky swear honesty system, where I am confident in my truths. However I find at times I am sceptical if he is telling me the truth or not.

Early on in our relationship, he gave me his tablet to use as I like. And while I've shown restraint in delving into his personal things (email, Facebook, etc...) I recently found myself unable to continue doing so and opened that can of horrible worms. I know I shouldn't have, but it's too late now.

Many of his stories do not match up with the ones he has told me. Such as how he could never do one night stands with people. On two accounts he has mentioned to people that he did this. He blatantly told two different people he's going to "bang chicks and not care again" and talked about his "wheeling and ******* spree". He told me he has slept with only one person before. And if that's not true, my health is a concern.

I also found at least fifty Craigslist emails, you know, from the scary area, where he responded to sexual hookups from people at the college and university he attended, as well as others from the surrounding area. He included photos of himself and personal details.

He has also told someone that he had sex with his last ex at a club and broke up with her, and told me it was over text.

I know I had no right to look, but it's too late to gp back now, so here I am, unsure if I trust my boyfriend and am in need of some major advice.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 720 • Replies: 6

@MakeMeABird,

You have to talk to him.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

How do I even go about bringing up it?

2 Replies

@MakeMeABird,

Same way you told us.

Own up to snooping. And yeah, that won't go over so well, but the bottom line is, you're right - too late now.

Plus you've got some serious stuff on him. I am guessing you are less than thrilled about all of this and may be contemplating cutting your losses and running.

So open up the can. Apologize, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa that you snooped.

Then talk (as rationally and as calmly as you can) about what you found.

Be prepared for it to end. It is highly likely that it will.

0 Replies

@MakeMeABird,

On a personal level, I'm not sure there's anything that would convince me to stay with this guy.

I'd want to let him know why I was breaking up with him.

I'd own up to looking at things I probably shouldn't , but I did and I've discovered his lies and I need to move on.

The hard part for me would be staying calm. I'd be furious by now.

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@MakeMeABird,

Wait a minute: I need to understand something crucial here. Did the time-frames that all of this stuff occurred happen to correspond with a time-frame when you were seeing one another?

If all of this screwing around happened before you met him, that means he didn't cheat on you. So, in that case, he is 'only' a liar..not a liar AND a cheat.

Now, on one hand you snooped on him which is a breach of his trust. And on the other hand you've got his lying to you - another breach of the trust. You two are not a good match.

Lastly, there's another important issue. Before you are ever have intimacy with someone in this day and age, you should both have seen the results of STD / AIDS tests. otherwise, you're taking a gamble with your health.

I will also hope that you practiced safe sex and used condoms.

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@MakeMeABird,

For some reason, I am sensing that the Craig list happened "before" you, is that correct? Yet, he told you he had only had sex once before you?

If this is correct. Let's reverse it. You have had 20 sexual encounters, meet some guy, really like him, have a discussion and tell a white lie , "I've only had one boyfriend", you do this because if you were to state the reality, he wouldn't even go out with you. Not that I like lying, for me I would simply state nothing, as it's not their business, so this is hypothetical .

If, he was doing this "before" being your boyfriend, perhaps that is why he never disclosed it. Same reason.

If I am wrong, then he's a straight out lier .

Regarding talk on face-book. Maybe he thinks he's a big shot, mouths off, it's possible it's "all talk" but even then you have to wonder why he degrades women, why he feels that are a piece of meat and why you should even be a part of anyone's life, that thinks like that.

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Not Sure If He's Being Truthful - Need Hard-core Advice

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