I put on weight. Should I meet with her?

Maybe she's gained weight too.

How would you feel about that?

You don't know what her reaction will be until you see her.

She's pretty shallow if all she would care about is that you gained a few pounds.

Look at it this way: if you don't go out with her, she'll refuse you for sure.
At least you have a chance if you take it - having coffee with someone doesn't necessarily translate into a sexual encounter. At least not in the United States because most girls read the rule book, haven't they?

@ KalamityJane: If I won't go I will not be accepted nor refused. If I will and it she will dislike it me what might be quite likely outcome as there is not much I can offer at the moment (as you can see my confidence now is in sh*thole ) I will feel quite bad not only for being refused but also good woman lost interest in me. At the moment we are not dating or anything but mere idea she liked me makes me feel good about myself. I would risk this little I have. And yes, I regret to say but I know why I feel uncertain. I wen't through a lot of fails.

@chai2: I am not that picky so if she get a bit weight I guess fine with me but she is well positioned woman. She can have so many males... After all she is young, pretty, intelligent and lives in a big city where is no shortage of good males or opportunities to hook up. That is the fact.

Ok, thanks for opinions and feedback, I guess I found answer myself. I just like the things how they are and not gonna risk anything. At least not at least until I get back to the shape as good health and sexy muscle is virtually the only thing I can offer and due to travels I lost even that.

That last paragraph is really depressing. She invited you for coffee. What have you got to lose - another coffee date? Glad you're so satisfied with how things are now, cuz they ain't gonna change till you get off your duff and do something.

Seriously, you think your former physical condition is the only reason for the contact? I hope she isn't really that shallow, but you'll probably never find out.

I agree roger.

In addition, who knows if that woman prefers a man with some extra pounds on him.

That's not rare.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and he doesn't know what she's beholden.

heh, in a few months, he may be back here with the problem that he lost the girl to someone else (God forbid someone not in perfect shape) while he was off at the gym.

This OP <shakes head> , too bad.

haha, depressing maybe. But only to you. I have notice hat people take fact of being single and unattractive (or uninteresting) heavy. It's some time since I realized I don't need relationship to be ok. Yes, one has it's need but I also need beer or sleep that can't always afford and I am fine.

I will not start flame, just mention that my...conclusion why things are the way they are is rather would-be scientific research and tons of literature, mostly about evolution biology. But what I can say is what you believe is actually reality. If you don't believe book stuff, you are right. If you do, you are right too. The important thing is that it must work in your life.

we crossed posted Panoramix, read my post above yours.

Question:

why did you come here looking for input (not that you had to accept any of it of course).

Everyone has given mature, considered input, put you'd already made up your mind what you were going to do.

Were you waiting for someone to say some magic word that would change your mind.

I think it would be perfet Karma that while you were off trying to create some fantasy, she started going out with, and fell in love with someone who is heavyset, plain looking, and has a wonderful personality.

Hallo,

I am not sure if I understand last paragraph, but:

When I posted my question I was indecisive . When I saw replies and I responded, I realized what I really want. You probably agree that no one can answer my inner questions better than myself. All I needed was a little push that I got. So thank you all!

All I can tell is that my financial situation is bad, I am disconnected from friends so social status not much and projects I have been working on in last 18 months went in vein. I have heard some criticizing comments about my approach such as "why don't you wash dishes instead when you can't set up a company or career in your field" and the last thing I desire is explaining myself to some unrelated uninformed women and feeling bad for false judgement. Not to speaking about my growing belly

Maybe it will change. Maybe in few months, maybe in few years, maybe never. Whatever outcome will be, I am ok and I don't worry.

Did I answer you to your satisfaction?

This lady asked you for coffee.

Why do you take this invitation any other way?

You do not know her intentions or why she chose you, but she did just the way you look now.

Stop over-thinking this and stop thinking this is a sexual advance on her part.

Go and have a good time. Maybe she just wants to talk about business or something else.

Have fun and let us know.

How many pounds are we talking here?
I would be shocked to see someone gained 40!
And what is the coffee or something? Did she say that?

all I can tell at this point that I am not that inexperienced and her intimate intention is very clear. I was wondering what exactly she is up to. Well I am usually hundreds or thousands miles away and visit her city few times a year. Moreover she seems to be ok with chatting once a few months. I think the answer is clear but mostly, I am no new to this.

How many pounds? Answer awaits.

She invited me to see her. That is all.
I am not saying I am freak or something but if she is up to sex, than she will have better ones. If she would be up to something else it makes no sense as there is no guarantee we will ever have possibility to see each other. And I am pretty sure she does not suffer of loneliness. She is director of university research department and has hundreds of cute chump at her disposal

I don't stand on weight machine.

My bench dropped by over 50%. dead lift 35%. Military press is tragic. Squats you better don't ask. I guess I am at 24% fat of bodymass compared to about 15% last year. I lost width in my shoulders. I have no photo and don't intend to make any (not interested in anyone's judgement now).

Does it answer the question?

You better stay away. If you are afraid to tell to anonymous people how many pounds - it must be whole-lot!!! And you are apparently is not the type who can take critique. So you better develop a stomach ache due to an extra hamburger grubbed and call it a day.
And one more. There is only one person to tell which sex is better. A woman. So you could be IT!

yes, you are probably right.

So are you going?

I had not seen your reply, however all these %% tells me nothing.
I am still in a dark about how many pounds you had gained.
I had not noticed my refrigeration guy lost 46lb because of the clothes he wore,
I was like WHAT! after he told me. His puffy jacket covered him up so 46lb!!! weren't immediately noticeable. See? Cover your fat up and buy shoulder pads.

no

The way I see it is that she did not invite me to shag or something. Only I deduced her intentions, but she is not decided yet. And that is the case, if she sees me in..current situation chances I'll fail are big. I will feel bad for being refused (again...) and mostly, that pretty and interesting woman lost interest in me. At the moment I feel fine just with her attention. I don't wan't to loose that by putting into too risky adventure. Did I mention I am business analysis? Estimating risks and predicting outcome is my job