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What is hell?

 
 
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 06:51 am
Is Hell waiting for eternity in line at the DMV? Is Hell being dragged by ones significant other to a shopping mall or department store for countless hours even though the one being dragged to the retail location has no real reason to go shopping other then to carry the other person's junk... I mean purchases?

Or is Hell a place where wifi is always free but every page you try to load is always indefinitely buffering?

Or is Hell being forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh go on for 24 hours a day about the
Gay/Jewish/colored/Islamic/atheist/Hispanic/nonguntoting educated liberals/feminists (who believe that rape should remain illegal) allied conspiracy to force low-flush toilets on the oppressed millionaire-patriots like himself?

25 Men Who Have Lost The Battle Against Shopping
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/25-men-who-have-all-lost-the-battle-against-shopping
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Type: Question • Score: 18 • Views: 6,489 • Replies: 102

 
View best answer, chosen by tsarstepan
Ragman
 
  4  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:28 am
@tsarstepan,
Hell is hearing even one more news article on that racist dementia-sufferer Sterling and how he's obstructing the progress of the team's divestiture by tieing up the impending sale of LA Clippers NBA team.
farmerman
 
  5  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 11:23 am
@Ragman,
Hell is being in the passengers seat of a Lamborghini
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 12:01 pm
@farmerman,
Hahah! Make my hell as a passenger in a Ferrari F40 twin-turbo while being piloted by a little old lady with arthritis.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 12:12 pm
@Ragman,
My hell already was - suddenly having my car be an older Chevy Citation (father in law's old car) - after my beloved first volvo was totaled after someone ran a red light very late (I had two witnesses, not at fault, not hurt).
neologist
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 12:38 pm
If, when the King James Bible was translated, you had told someone to go to hell, he or she would have gone into the root cellar. The similarity between the words hell and hole is no coincidence.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 01:22 pm
@ossobuco,
did that happen a long while ago?
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 01:42 pm
@Ragman,
Yes - back in the early nineties. I remember doing the twirling car in the intersection maneuver. Whew! A guy at the bus stop stayed, and the woman in line behind me stayed, until the police showed up and they told them what they saw.
Sturdy car, that '84 volvo.

Not sure which car I'd pick to find it hell (from envy point of view) to be the passenger in. So many to choose from.
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  5  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 02:11 pm
@tsarstepan,
Honestly, why would any man go shopping with his significant other? Carrying her stuff just allows her to buy MORE of it...
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 02:41 pm
If it's her money, what business is it of anyone else what she spends it on? Any man who cannot be gracious enough to spend some time with a woman while she shops doesn't belong in such a relationship.
worldtraveler24
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 03:24 pm
All of those humorous renditions of hell are quite playful and seem quite harmless. We all like a good joke now and then; however, I don't think hell is the ideal topic of which to make sport or to jest. Hell is a real place for the damned of this world. It is an eternal abode of those who have rejected God's word and have decided to do what pleases him/her in this world. Hell was created for the devil and his imps but unfortunately mankind has chosen to follow after the one who defied God from the beginning. The scripture tells us that is a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth and that there the fire is not quenched nor does the worm die. There is no way out once you reach there. Carl Knighton , a real human being experienced a clinical death experience and lived to tell about it. Listen to his words about hell: "And I took that Valium and before I knew it I fell off the couch onto the floor. It was pitch black dark. I began to quiver. I began to have the shakes. And I began going down and down and down like a deep pit and I start smelling the stench of hell. It’s the most rottenness thing that you could ever smell in your life. In fact, you can’t even imagine it. I began to fill a tugging and pulling like the bible says the demons tug and nag at you. They were calling my name. ‘We got you. We got you. We got you. You belong to us now.’ I saw souls. Lost souls that were in torment in the lake of fire. They were crying and calling on God. They were hopeless. And I called on the Lord, ‘Jesus. Jesus. Help me Jesus. Help me Jesus.’ And soon as I called on his name. I saw the hand of God snatch me out of hell and my spirit went back into my body. I was shaking and trembling and I turned my head to the right and they said I was dead. And they said it was 30 to 35 minutes but I know that was a loving God that loved me so much.” ( http://www.cbn.com/700club/features/amazing/MW152_Carl_Knighton.aspx)

He is only one of many who have experienced similar after death experiences. You can reject their personal testimonies if you so choose but my suggestion would be to investigate it for yourself. Don't be a fool and find out after it is too late. Today is the day of salvation; now is the appointed time for you to give your heart and life to Jesus Christ the only ONE who can save you from hell!
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 04:34 pm
This being a joke thread, I'll be a little off topic but try not to make that part too long: my husband and I always had fun when we shopped together. There were neat places in LA - I remember Saks 5th Off or some name like that. Lots of good stuff for men and women, reasonable prices. One store, then off to find a place to eat. And amusing or boutique-y shops for men, or women, or sometimes both, small, interesting, fairly close to each other over a few blocks. None particularly expensive. Not in a mall, but on a main corridor street, parking somewhere nearby. Maybe we were lucky, no need to shop for hours, and never had the money to anyway. There were restaurants too, but it was easier to put the stuff in the car and then walk Ocean Front Walk, three blocks away. Where of course, you could get lots of tacky stuff for less money, should you wish, but we could do that another day. Better to walk by the ocean.

Most of those on buzzfeed were mall photos. Almost by definition, parking and covering mall territory seem to make a real dent in the day whether or not you have someone along to carry bags.


So, back to hell: dealing with a car salesman who makes you go through the "I'll have to talk with the manager" thing six times to get to the number you'd seen the car going for at another dealer's but that dealer's car not in the color you wanted.
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 05:11 pm
I was going to write that Hell is being forced to read the posts of certain A2k members without being able to respond, but then I realized that's providing a straight line on a silver platter.
0 Replies
 
Enaj
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 05:58 pm
@worldtraveler24,
Ecclesiastes 9:
5For the living know they will die; but the dead do not know anything, nor have they any longer a reward, for their memory is forgotten. 6Indeed their love, their hate and their zeal have already perished, and they will no longer have a share in all that is done under the sun.

Hell is dealing with some whose thoughts are still in the stone age.
Hell is having a split in your heel.....painful.
Hell is trying to get the illogical to see reason.

Olivier5
 
  5  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:01 pm
@Setanta,
When she shops, she's not really with you...
neologist
 
  0  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:32 pm
@worldtraveler24,
You are in over your head if you are attempting to justify the pagan belief of hell using the Judeo Christian scriptures. If such a punishment were in the heart of a merciful God, it most certainly would have been explained to Adam and Eve, And Solomon would not have proclaimed the dead are not conscious (Ecclesiastes 9: 5,6.)

And please: paragraph breaks
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:34 pm
@Enaj,
Sorry I missed your appropriate response
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:38 pm
Aw, hell.
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:43 pm
@edgarblythe,
And dad blame it to heck!
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  0  
Reply Wed 11 Jun, 2014 03:38 am
If anybody simply likes Jesus, they've no need to worry about hell, that's why Christians die laughing..Smile
Jesus said- "You're my friends if you follow me. I don't call you servants, but I call you friends"- (John 15:15)

For example the crook dying on the cross next to Jesus made friends with him, and Jesus said "Today you shall be with in Paradise" (Luke 23:42)

And Jesus said to his mates at the last supper- "I will not drink wine from now on until that day when I drink it new and fresh with you in my Father's kingdom." (Matt 26:29)

Should be quite a party, but if atheists don't want to come, they don't have to..Wink
"Ungodly men, wandering stars for whom the blackness of darkness is reserved forever" (Jude 1:4-19)
http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/freakouteyes.jpg
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