14
   

Was I sexually abused?

 
 
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 10:54 am
When I was about 8 and my brother was a freshman in high school, he used to play this game called "Pancake" where he used lie on top of me with our shirts lifted up and move around. I used to think what had happened was just a game, until a few years ago when I began getting intimate with my boyfriend and I would have flashbacks to the game, specifically how uncomfortable I was with the feeling of someone on top of me and the worst was very prominent smells that guys have down there. I don't remember anything further happening with my brother, but the entire happening makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable to share.

I don't want to be an attention-seeking person, nor do I want pity. I don't tell anyone because I'm ashamed of it so it's neither of those motives. I just need some sort of certain answer to stop me from questioning my past.

Many times I get extremely uncomfortable in sexual situations now, and I've cried during intimacy because I remember it and I can't get it out of my mind.

Please offer kind advice on whether you would consider it or not. I need this label of whether I was or wasn't just to either come to acceptance or rid myself of this misperceived memory.
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Type: Question • Score: 14 • Views: 4,693 • Replies: 100

 
tsarstepan
 
  4  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 11:22 am
@katied29,
I doesn't matter how much time has passed. But you should see a counselor of some sorts. And this might sound strange, but it's for the good of your health AND the health of your brother.

Both of you need help emotionally and for mental health. He probably needs counseling so he will never find himself in a position where he could inflict this abusive behavior. Don't ask him to go get help with you unless you feel safe talking to him about this. It might be best to report this to the third party therapist or counselor (who by law will have to report this possible abuse to the authorities).
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 11:29 am
@katied29,
Quote:
he used lie on top of me with our shirts lifted up and move around


did you participate willingly? If so then it was not abuse.

Kids do all kinds of crazy things as they explore and grow.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 12:36 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
he used lie on top of me with our shirts lifted up and move around


did you participate willingly? If so then it was not abuse.

Kids do all kinds of crazy things as they explore and grow.


Do you explore with 8 year olds?
0 Replies
 
katied29
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 12:51 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
No.
0 Replies
 
katied29
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 12:52 pm
@hawkeye10,
Yes, I did.
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 01:13 pm
@katied29,
katied, please don't pay attention to this horrible man who asked you if you did it "willingly"

You were an 8 year old child, and someone who was old enough to know better, and an immediate family member at that, took advantage of your trust in him.

According to the Sexual Offences Amendment Act of 2007, a child under the age of 12 is too young to give permission to any sexual act. A sexual act with a child under 12 is automatically a crime.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 01:29 pm
@chai2,
Ya, I missed the part where the male was about 5 years older. This was iffy on being normal exploration.
0 Replies
 
Jack of Hearts
 
  4  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 02:12 pm
@katied29,
If you think your brother did more than rub bare bellies, but can't remember - just ask him. His answer, or fumbling for an answer, or not remembering, or insisting it didn't happen, should tell you something. If you believe you have repressed memories, then seek counseling.
Yes, for him it was probably for stimulation to release his sexual tension, and maybe it was nothing more physical than that - no exposure, no touching below the waist, just the belly to belly human touch is all he wanted.
And yes, technically, that in and of itself is "improper contact". If it's interfering with your life today, it must be resolved, so don't keep it internalized or it will gnaw at you. But whatever you do, do not let the authorities get wind of this- no school advisors, social services, etc. Doctor-patient privileged only. Don't be afraid to seek the truth, the truth shall set you free. Good luck!
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 02:16 pm
@Jack of Hearts,
In the US, Doctor-patient privilege only doesn't cover child abuse. Doctors, nurses, therapists, counselors, etc... are legally obliged to report said abuse to the legal authorities.
gungasnake
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 02:25 pm
@katied29,
You need to beat the **** out of your brother.

The guy who wrote the book on stomping people bigger than himself is named Roberto Duran. Youtube searches turn up no shortage of examples...



Watch two or three of those and you start to get the feel for it.


0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 03:08 pm
@katied29,
katied29 wrote:
When I was about 8 and my brother was a freshman in high school, he used to play this game called "Pancake" where he used lie on top of me with our shirts lifted up and move around. I used to think what had happened was just a game, until a few years ago when I began getting intimate with my boyfriend and I would have flashbacks to the game, specifically how uncomfortable I was with the feeling of someone on top of me and the worst was very prominent smells that guys have down there. I don't remember anything further happening with my brother, but the entire happening makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable to share.

I don't want to be an attention-seeking person, nor do I want pity. I don't tell anyone because I'm ashamed of it so it's neither of those motives. I just need some sort of certain answer to stop me from questioning my past.

Many times I get extremely uncomfortable in sexual situations now, and I've cried during intimacy because I remember it and I can't get it out of my mind.

Please offer kind advice on whether you would consider it or not. I need this label of whether I was or wasn't just to either come to acceptance or rid myself of this misperceived memory.
(Forgive my fonetic spelling.)
Any reports can have and probably WILL result in a great, intense
reaction from government, causing very permanent drastic results.
In a best case scenario, your brother can be put to many,
many thousands of dollars of legal expenses and be permanently
put on a predator list. For years, his life can turn into a nightmare
of fear and negative emotions, his good name lost forever.
His life woud be ruined for what he did as a young boy (what, 13 ?)
It woud be almost as bad as killing him.

If u were in your brother 's position, how woud u feel
about those matters coming to light in front of parents
and to the police? His future employment opportunities?
His future marriage opportunities, because of rubbing bellies
in his childhood?

In my opinion, a brother shud be treated better than that.
In similar situations, some guys have been driven to suicide.

I think that u can only make matters catastrophically worse
by complaining of or reporting his conduct in his boyhood.
If it were me, I 'd feel very guilty for doing that to someone.
There is no going back after u take the first step.
Then it is out of your hands. How woud your family take it?
U described the event as occurring above the waist.
That is not as bad as otherwise.

In the future, if a future boyfriend or husband found out,
do u think he 'd feel safe around u, if he thinks there's a chance
that u will report any questionable or doubtful conduct of his to the authorities??
Jack of Hearts
 
  2  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 03:10 pm
@tsarstepan,
Yes, if the child is still, or has a probable risk of, being in physical danger.
That doesn't come close to applying here, as there was no abuse determined here at all - this "pancake" game is not abuse.
David is also right, just the hint of sexual impropriety will ruin the brother's life forever.
gungasnake
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 03:48 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
That's why I recommended simply kicking his ass rather than reporting him...
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 03:58 pm
@gungasnake,
Morally, the imaginary statute of limitations is in effect.
Better just to forget it.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 04:01 pm
@Jack of Hearts,
Jack of Hearts wrote:
Yes, if the child is still, or has a probable risk of, being in physical danger.
That doesn't come close to applying here, as there was no abuse determined here at all - this "pancake" game is not abuse.

David is also right, just the hint of sexual impropriety will ruin the brother's life forever.
It woud be cruel and permanent.
Might as well just kill him.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 04:04 pm

Is it appropriate for American children 's lives
to be ruined if thay play "Doctor" ?

WHATAYATHINK ?
gungasnake
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 07:57 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Sounds a bit more complex than playing doctor. I still recommend stomping the **** out of the guy.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 08:21 pm
@katied29,
I'm confused..i thought only shirts were off. How did you smell this " down there"? Have you ever talked to him about it? Something sounds off to me. He was 14.. (Around that age) and you were 8 years old.
0 Replies
 
 

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