14
   

Was I sexually abused?

 
 
katied29
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 10:00 pm
It would have never been reported nor mentioned to anyone, as it hasn't already. It was a mere question. And that's why I'm not sure if I'm repressing something because the smell is what makes me feel as though I can't breathe and cry, and I distinctly remember that smell whenever the "game" was played.

I would never ruin his life with a memory I wasn't sure about. I was asking for my own peace of mind because it's been haunting me for a few years, and I don't want to talk to a therapist because of the reporting issue.
Kathy77
 
  2  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 10:38 pm
@katied29,
Katie please go seek therapy. If this is something that is bothering you when you are sexually active with your bf you need to get help. This isn't your fault regardless if you consented. You were to young to know what was going on and your brother manipulated you. Please get help and don't listen to any of the fools on here that make it sound like it was your fault because it wasn't.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 10:52 pm
@gungasnake,
gungasnake wrote:
Sounds a bit more complex than playing doctor.
It was more innocent,
in that it was described as being fully above the belt,
whereas the medical game is not.

gungasnake wrote:
I still recommend stomping the **** out of the guy.
For playing, during his childhood??

Don 't u wanna be a merciful man ?
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 11:16 pm
@katied29,
katied29 wrote:
It would have never been reported nor mentioned to anyone, as it hasn't already.
It was a mere question. And that's why I'm not sure if I'm repressing
something because the smell is what makes me feel as though I can't
breathe and cry, and I distinctly remember that smell whenever the
"game" was played.

I would never ruin his life with a memory I wasn't sure about.
I was asking for my own peace of mind because it's been haunting me
for a few years, and I don't want to talk to a therapist because of the reporting issue.
I see that u are a good sister.
That 's fortunate for your brother, in that he NEEDS your protection.

If I may offer a suggestion to ease the discomfort that u mentioned
with your boyfriend, regarding odor, maybe ask him to be particularly
careful in bathing immediately before getting close to u,
so that he will be especially clean.

U might also choose to use a very well air conditioned or well ventilated room.

Is he consuming any food, drugs, vitamins or minerals
that cause him to generate odor?? That is very possible;
for instance, I take magnesium (against cramping),
but if I take too much, then I stink myself out,
requiring many showers in one day.





David
gungasnake
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 11:35 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Worst smell on Earth is burnt human hair.

Once, long ago and far away, my brother was working at a place which kept race cars and his favorite was a little Lotus Super-7 which had to have ether in the velocity stacks (Cosworth engine, side-draft carbs) to start, and I was standing there shooting ether into the thing while my brother tried to start it and the fricking thing backfired. I was cat quick in those days and got under all but the tiniest bit of the fireball, all it did was take off the top 1/4 inch of hair, but I hd to have one of the girls next door cut another half inch off, there was no other possibility of getting rid of that smell and she had to have a clothes pin on her nose while doing it...
OmSigDAVID
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 10 Feb, 2014 11:39 pm
@gungasnake,
I don t believe that katied29 indicated
that fire was involved.
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  0  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 12:28 am
I've made similar replies in other threads. So this is a one size fits all answer.

And, I assume your parents are not first on your list of chosen advisers.

A lot depends on your ages now and the state in which you live. I say this particularly since you don't have a distinct memory of what happened and the statute of limitations may or may not apply.

The power of the state can be overwhelming in cases such as this. The mere mention of possible sex abuse to an imaginative case worker could cause your family extreme unfair duress. For that reason I suggest a low key approach. I usually direct possible offenders to seek legal counsel first. A good lawyer can help start the recovery process. Similarly, it might be appropriate in your case to consult a spiritual adviser. They generally are not obligated to report. This might be resolved entirely within the family.

These are the sort of affairs where you cannot unshoot the arrow. If the low key approach does not bring you satisfaction, you can always take further steps.

I have always been amazed at how some in the community are willing to suggest draconian punishments for offenders until, of course, the offender is a beloved brother or uncle. In that case, the refrain does a 180 and becomes a plea for leniency and treatment. The truth lies somewhere in between. Lets hope you and your family will find the correct approach.
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 12:36 am
@neologist,
Its really TOO DANGEROUS to fool around with.
Like liting a fire, it can get entirely out of hand.
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 12:40 am
@OmSigDAVID,
Which is why I suggest a low key approach. The OP is obviously distressed and needs to take some action. Best not to burn down the house just to cook the burger
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 02:20 am
I think many young brothers and sisters go through a phase of playing "games" with each other, for example I can think of at least 2 or 3 of my male schoolmates who I suspect were at it with their sisters as young teenagers.
Then in their late teens/early twenties they surprised us all by emigrating to Australia, maybe they had guilt and shame feelings and wanted to get as far away from their sisters as possible, i dunno.
They should have simply written it off as "just a silly kids game" and forgot about it, but it seems they were unable to.

God said to move on with our lives and put all kinds of unpleasant memories behind us-
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland"
(Isaiah 43:18 )


In modern terms it means put our bad memories into the "Regret Locker" and leave them there to turn to dust..Smile
roger
 
  3  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 02:31 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
Swell! Get the right religion and never be bothered by conscience again.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 04:22 am
Quote:
Roger said: Swell! Get the right religion and never be bothered by conscience again

Satan injects thoughts into peoples minds to sabotage them, for example by making them morbidly dwell on bad old memories over and over.
But God says "forget bad memories, let them go", which seems like good advice to me..Smile
gungasnake
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 04:32 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
Makes sense. The alternative is endless vendettas like you see in Godfather or like was the case between Utes and Comanches prior to the treaty of 1977 (they'd apparently been at war, at least technically, for hundreds of years). What I'd read about Utes prior to that was that they were basically allergic to peace, i.e. that if a Ute Indian went for two weeks without getting into some sort of a fight, he'd get sick.
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 07:53 am
@katied29,
Wondering now if Katie has enough feedback to move ahead
0 Replies
 
A widow
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 08:17 am
@katied29,
To Katie, The fact that you are wondering is a good thing. Anytime you are uncertain, seeking help is the first step to resolution rather your concerns are valid or not. So give yourself credit for this.
Secondly, sex with a minor under age 16 is a second degree felony. Rape is a felony because it is persuing sex against someones consent. A minor is not (emotionally) capable of giving consent one way or the other because of growth and development, and maturation With this in mind you should ignor these comments given to you about "Did you participate willlingly." A child is a victim and is not capable of participating willingly, and is not at fault for anything in these situations.
Thirdly, it is true that children do silly things. When I was little my (male) cousin and me, who was my age, would play Doctor. It was a simple giggling thing of tickling each other bellies while laying on a table. So your situation may be similar.
Fourth, if you are feeling sincerly uncomfortable with intimacy because this memory keeps popping up in your thoughts when you are with your partner, it is imparitive that you explore this in a way that is comfortable for you. You may consider asking your brother in a way that is not confrontational. There are many good books out there to read up on this subject, which may answer your questions for you. And then, yes, counseling is imparitive.
True sexual abuse for children leaves life long challenges for them that are devistating to their well being, relationship management, and personal happiness.
Fifth, if you truely have been violated you are now on the right track by exploring this question in the first place. Best of luck to you with your quest.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 12:27 pm

Any decent lawyer woud advise the boy (former boy?)
against admitting any questionable conduct.
0 Replies
 
A widow
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 09:28 pm
@katied29,
I posted a reply to you earlier today, and now I'm not seeing it. I'm sure it was posted. Did you see it? What happened to it?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 09:32 pm
@A widow,
It's there, 2 posts above the one you just did.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 09:33 pm
@A widow,
It's still there, posted at 4:17. That's two posts above your last post.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 09:33 pm
@chai2,
Well, aren't you quick?
 

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