14
   

Was I sexually abused?

 
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 09:38 pm
@roger,
I was sitting in my arm chair, reading "The Execution of Noa P. Singleton", when the "red phone" rang, and I knew someone here was in distress.

http://farm1.staticflickr.com/116/261942911_7c110b9acc_z.jpg

Actually, I had to go to the bathroom, and the computer is on my way back to my chair.
thinkmuch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Feb, 2014 11:27 pm
@katied29,
so it was just your shirts lifted up? that doesn't sound like abuse to me, just weird. although by first year hs that is very weird..
either way, i don't think coming forward with this to authorities for something on this level would do anyone any good. i would just talk to your brother, see what he thinks of it. he probably won't even remember it or regret it or apologize and then you can have closure on this and put it behind you.
definitely weird. but no reason to ruin either of your lives over.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 12:24 am
@chai2,
Who is the guy in the picture ?
0 Replies
 
gungasnake
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 12:55 am
@katied29,
Quote:
I don't remember anything further happening with my brother, but the entire happening makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable to share. ...


It starts to sound like the worst part of the problem is the lack of good memory.

What I'd actually suggest is to call the brother and tell him the whole thing is messing your mind at present and that the two of you need to get together and make sure that both of you have the same mental picture of whatever occurred and that any necessary apologies are asked and accepted.

You don't want vendettas inside your own family, there are enough opportunities in life for vendettas with othe rpeople.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 02:02 am

I 'm concerned that this is going to scare the hell out of the poor guy.
This is not rape. This is not sodomy. No sexual organs of either party
were in any way involved. This was only children fooling around.

It shud not be treated as more than that.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 06:45 am
@chai2,
Quote:
Actually, I had to go to the bathroom, and the computer is on my way back to my chair.


You mean you do not have a computer in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!
0 Replies
 
firefly
 
  3  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 10:45 am
@katied29,
Yes, if that was what your brother did with you, it was definitely inappropriate physical contact, and a form of sexual abuse of an 8 year old.

I definitely think you should see a therapist and discuss how these memories are continuing to affect you. It actually doesn't matter whether your memory is fully accurate regarding the actual past events. What's important, in terms of your emotional well being, is that your current sexual intimacies seem to arouse associations of some past trauma or something unpleasant for you. That's something you have to explore with a therapist, and not with your brother.

I don't think you should ask your brother to confirm your memories, or even broach the subject, at all, with him now. Regardless of what your brother remembers, or cares to admit, you still are having a current problem that you need to better understand, so it won't continue to affect you in a negative way, including a feeling of shame, or a sense of discomfort with sexual situations now. And that's what therapy will help you with.

You are getting inaccurate information from other posters. If you speak to a therapist, the information will be kept confidential, between you and the therapist--there is no "mandatory reporting"-- to anyone-- of this sort of thing, so do not worry about that.

Mandatory reporting is only done when a minor is being harmed in a way that requires some immediate investigation and intervention by Child Protective Services in order to protect the welfare of the child involved--and, in such cases, the reporting is done to CPS, and not the police.

You are no longer 8 years old, you don't need CPS to investigate whether you are in an unsafe or abusive living situation with your brother now that requires their intervention. That's all in the past. So, let me reassure you again, whatever you speak with the therapist about will remain confidential and private, it will not be reported to anyone, your brother will not become involved or affected by anything you tell the therapist. It will only be between you and the therapist.

And, please do seek the help of a therapist, katied29, you are being troubled and affected by something, whether it's that "game" you remember engaging in with your brother, or possibly something else in addition. And you have to get a better understanding of it in order to move beyond it and put it to rest. Life is much easier and happier without that sort of emotional baggage. A therapist will help you unpack it.

Good luck.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 12:01 pm
@firefly,
Quote:
You are no longer 8 years old, you don't need CPS to investigate whether you are in an unsafe or abusive living situation with your brother now that requires their intervention. That's all in the past. So, let me reassure you again, whatever you speak with the therapist about will remain confidential and private, it will not be reported to anyone, your brother will not become involved or affected by anything you tell the therapist. It will only be between you and the therapist.


Fool if she is one day younger then 18 now there is indeed mandatory reporting by a therapist even if it happen when she was 8.!!!!!!!!!!


Quote:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/manda.pdf

Mandatory reporting statutes also may specify when a
communication is privileged. “Privileged communications” is
the statutory recognition of the right to maintain confidential
communications between professionals and their clients,
patients, or congregants. To enable States to provide protection
to maltreated children, the reporting laws in most States and
territories restrict this privilege for mandated reporters. All
but three States and Puerto Rico currently address the issue of
privileged communications within their reporting laws, either
affirming the privilege or denying it (i.e., not allowing privilege
to be grounds for failing to report).9
For instance:
The physician-patient and husband-wife privileges are the
most common to be denied by States.

• The attorney-client privilege is most commonly affirmed.
• The clergy-penitent privilege is also widely affirmed,
although that privilege usually is limited to confessional
communications and, in some States, denied altogether.10

0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 12:26 pm
@firefly,
Here is more information and it come down to that there is a good chance that if she report this before she is 18 and perhaps even at an older age a mandatory reporter will cover his or her ass and do a report as the laws protect the reporter if he does so in good faith even if he happen to be wrong about the need to do such a report.

So she would indeed be placing her brother at some risk if she does what you are telling her to do with special note if she is still a minor.


State laws are all over the place and a mandatory reporter can just report the matter to be on the safe side.

Quote:


http://www.apa.org/monitor/may02/ethics.aspx

First, review your state's mandatory reporting statute, which is probably available online, to see whether it contains time limits. Minnesota's statute, for example, states that a psychologist must report abuse when the psychologist "knows or has reason to believe a child...has been neglected or physically or sexually abused within the preceding three years." Washington's statute states that the mandate "does not apply to the discovery of abuse or neglect that occurred during childhood if it is discovered after the child has become an adult." The statute adds that the psychologist must nevertheless make a report, regardless of whether the child has become an adult, "if there is reasonable cause to believe other children are or may be at risk of abuse or neglect by the accused." Knowing the language of your state's law can be very helpful in assessing whether you have a duty to report.
Second, many state child protective agencies will provide consultation concerning whether a report is required. It may be possible to call child protective agencies, without providing your name, to present your particular situation, ideally to a supervisor, and ask for an opinion concerning whether the situation mandates a report. The person you speak with should be aware of any agency regulations that are relevant to your question. Be sure to document the call and the name of the individual with whom you speak.
Third, share your anxiety. Pick up the phone and call a trusted colleague or someone with expertise in law and ethics. Many state licensing boards are very helpful in this regard. Many local and state psychological associations provide ethics consultation, as does the APA Office of Ethics. Your malpractice carrier may prove an excellent resource. Although you may feel very alone, you are not. Use the resources available to you and document that you have reached out for professional advice.
Fourth, be mindful that mandatory reporting laws protect psychologists who make reports in good faith. If you are inclined to make a report, your state statute will almost certainly shield you from liability, including a claim for breach of confidentiality, for doing so. The reason has to do with values: When it comes to child abuse, society is more concerned with protecting the innocent and vulnerable than preserving confidentiality. Mandatory reporting laws reflect this value choice by containing protections for psychologists who act in good faith to safeguard a child who may be at risk.
Fifth, don't be harsh on yourself for not knowing the answer. We like the law to draw clear lines, and sometimes it does. Speed limits are a good example. But many times the law speaks less distinctly. When the law does not provide clear guidance, it's important to recognize that the problem lies not with what a psychologist knows or does not know, but rather with how the law is written. The trick is to find resources and have a thoughtful process for determining what to do.
The five points above will help as you decide whether your situation falls under the mandatory reporting law. If yes, the appropriate next step is to file a report. While a client may ob-ject to the disclosure of information, a psychologist can explain that the law leaves no room for discretion in this in
firefly
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:22 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
Here is more information and it come down to that there is a good chance that if she report this before she is 18 and perhaps even at an older age a mandatory reporter will cover his or her ass and do a report as the laws protect the reporter if he does so in good faith even if he happen to be wrong about the need to do such a report.

So she would indeed be placing her brother at some risk if she does what you are telling her to do with special note if she is still a minor.

You are absolutely wrong. Period. You do not correctly understand mandatory reporting obligations or guidelines.

And, if our poster consulted a therapist who now reported such long past events to CPS, the agency would think the therapist was out of their mind, and they'd ignore the info.

This is not a situation that requires mandatory reporting, even if the poster is still a minor, which I doubt, and she is way past the age of 8, because she is no longer at risk--this is not a current situation that is now taking place.
There is no point in reporting long ago events to CPS, because there is no longer a situation requiring the intervention of CPS, or any investigation by CPS.

The purpose of mandatory reporting is to trigger an investigation to protect the welfare of the child--to determine whether the child, or the abuser, needs to be removed from the home, or some sort of home supervision by CPS is necessary. Our poster is no longer at risk of harm from her brother of the sort she might have experienced when she was 8. She's no longer involved in a vulnerable situation of that sort.

You don't seem to understand the logical and necessary reasons for having mandatory reporting to either Child Protective Services or Adult Protective Services--it is to protect the most vulnerable individuals from the abuse of others that they cannot control on their own. And the actions of both CPS and APS would involve either getting the vulnerable individual out of harm's way by removing them from the home, or removing the abuser from the home, or preventing contact with the abuser, or supervising all contact with the abuser.

Since none of that is at all necessary in this situation, mandatory reporting by a therapist is not only unnecessary, it's rather crazy to even raise the issue in this thread.

The poster can really rest assured that whatever she tells a therapist about those incidents in her past will remain confidential and private, and will not be reported to anyone. Her brother will not be placed at any "risk" at all.

You just don't understand what the hell you are talking about.



tsarstepan
 
  4  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:30 pm
@firefly,
Quote:
And, if a therapist ever did report such things to CPS the agency would think they were out of their mind.

There is no statute of limitations in many states for major sex crimes. Many states have revised their statute of limitations that do exist to extend them.
http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/state-civil-statutes-of-limitations-in-child-sexua.aspx
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:37 pm
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
There is no statute of limitations in many states for major sex crimes. Many states have revised their statute of limitations that do exist to extend them.
http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/state-civil-statutes-of-limitations-in-child-sexua.aspx


Not only that but even if CPS just file the report and take no other actions if in the future her brother might wish to for example adopt a child such a report will likely cause him and his wife some heartbreak or screen to be a teacher and so on.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:50 pm
@firefly,
Quote:
The purpose of mandatory reporting is to trigger an investigation to protect the welfare of the child

And the purpose of mandatory reporting is to prevent future abuse by the alleged abuser against other children in the alleged abuser's supervision.
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:55 pm
@tsarstepan,
tsarstepan wrote:

Quote:
The purpose of mandatory reporting is to trigger an investigation to protect the welfare of the child

And the purpose of mandatory reporting is to prevent future abuse by the alleged abuser against other children in the alleged abuser's supervision.



Mandatory reporting laws are not limited to children. The unintended consequence is the people stay silent about abuse ( and sometimes even conspire with the abuser to keep the abuse secret) because they dont want to see people that they love hurt by the state.....this is a systematic removal of power from victims, this is re-abuse, this time at the hands of the state.
firefly
 
  0  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:56 pm
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
There is no statute of limitations in many states for major sex crimes. Many states have revised their statute of limitations that do exist to extend them.


What our poster reported her brother doing was not a "major sex crime"--it was inappropriate touching, it was inappropriate physical contact, it was a form of inappropriate fondling. From what she said, it did not go beyond that.

And, even if this inappropriate contact had been reported to CPS at the time it occurred, when the poster was still 8 and her brother 14, it would not have likely resulted in criminal charges, of any kind, against the brother.

In a situation like that, involving two minor siblings in the home, there is no reason for CPS to involve law enforcment in it at all, unless there is no other way to handle it. They first would involve the parents--to make sure they knew what was going on. Then they would interview the children, and likely have the brother evaluated by a psychologist. They might mandate treatment for the brother and order him to avoid such contact with his sister--and any other minor female or minor male. They would continue to supervise the situation. If the brother's inappropriate behavior did not cease, or if he refused to go to therapy, etc. they might involve Family Court, or have him removed from the home. I honestly can't see law enforcement, or criminal charges, getting into this sort of situation.

hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:59 pm
@firefly,
Quote:
There is no statute of limitations in many states for major sex crimes. Many states have revised their statute of limitations that do exist to extend them.


Because there is no concern for justice, pounding on alleged abusers is the full extent of the agenda.
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 02:01 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
the unintended consequence is the people stay silent about abuse because they dont want to see people that they love hurt by the state.....


True and very sad as the young lady should be able to get counseling without any risk of harming her brother by doing so.

0 Replies
 
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 02:02 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:

Not only that but even if CPS just file the report and take no other actions if in the future her brother might wish to for example adopt a child such a report will likely cause him and his wife some heartbreak or screen to be a teacher and so on.

The report made to CPS is kept confidential as is their investigation--it's not publicly available.

The only time you hear about a CPS report or investigation is when they fail to act, and a tragedy occurs, a child gets killed for instance, and a parent or caretaker is arrested.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 02:06 pm
@firefly,
In the eyes of the law, inappropriate touching is still illegal. Even if the people involved are fully clothed.

Whether law enforcement should or shouldn't be involved? That's an ethical/moral discussion and not relevant here. We really don't know what the brother is doing these days and if the alleged behavior is continuing unabated. We would like to think that he outgrew this behavior and hopefully he did with age and emotional maturity.

What confuses me that in the past (here at a2k) Bill and Hawkeye have been soft/ambivalent on their definition of sex abuse. You have always taken a much more judicial (?) yet still judicious approach to sex crimes and sex offenders. The world seems a bit off now the two roles have been reverse. Did I find myself in Bizarro World? Shocked
http://i61.tinypic.com/x579v.jpg
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 02:14 pm
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
Bill and Hawkeye have been soft/ambivalent on their definition of sex abuse.


Not I, sexual abuse should be force to overcome objection or resistance in the case of adults. In the case of children it is most adult-child sexual act or contact that is deliberate and damaging to the child.

BTW JACOB SULLUM at WP yesterday wrote a great piece on the disaster that is our child porn laws, about how they are nutty policies promoted by lies from the state in partnership with the victim advocacy industry.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2014/02/11/our-misguided-child-porn-laws-do-little-to-protect-children/
0 Replies
 
 

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