Tue 2 Jul, 2013 05:03 am
I'm 17, a girl,and My friend is pregnant.I'm torn between doing what's right for myself,and doing what's nice for others.
My best friend is very pretty.she was very smart,but had a wild side,and she always had boys after her-yet she was smart about it.However,one boy she dated-who was very smart,and dedicated to his school and job-had to break it off with her because they couldn't spend enough time with each other,and he wanted to focus on swimming and school and work.he was very honest with her,he's a good guy. But it was the first time she had been dumped,and she fell hard.
She started hanging with these people she didn't really like,and started smoking and drinking.what's bad,she started treating me badly over the years-even before the breakup. I have sort of a problem when it comes to friends,I let them walk all over me-a lot.but I tend to let it slide,no matter how bad it is.
one time we went to a hotel and she promised it would be me,her,her older sister,and her 'so-called' friend Nikki. It ended up being me,her,Nikki,and Nikki's 24 year old boyfriend.there was beer and pot, and I was very uncomfortable the whole time,although she assured me it would be ok.i didnt drink or smoke,and It ended badly.the three of them ended up getting drunk and having sex together(my friend didnt actually have intercourse),and I was left to clean up after them and put her to sleep.the older guy said he knew it would happen,and actually planned for it to.he told us he knew how the night would go.ithey were cool with that.I was not.
Ever since she gave her virginity to the guy,and had been messing around with the guy behind Nikki's back,becuase he told her he 'loved' her.she found out hes cheating on Nikki with 4 other girls,and she felt shitty about having her first time with him.i warned her not to,but she did it anyways.
Another time,she and Nikki went for a job interview someplace(they took me becuase they needed clean urine)and left me in the car with the guy-for 4 hours.he was ok at first,even played the guitar for me,although i ignored him most of the time. After a while,he started asking me weird questions-sexual questions.he turned off the radio,and kept staring at me...it made me confused. Later that day,i told my friend and she said 'thats how he got me to have sex with him! He was messing with your head,thats so funny!' It made me even more confused.why would you leave me alone with him? I dont know him like that.
After that time,we didnt talk for several months-she only calls me when she needs something,or rather,i only exist when she needs something.she told me she was busy at her new job,when she was acutally hanging with those people she calls friends.shes been screwing around with older guys,and she called me a week ago to tell me shes pregnant and everyone is judging her,and im her only friend.when in reality,im just the only one left at the bottom of the list.
Shes constantly screwed me over,and only calls me or brings me around when she needs something.i only exist when she needs me. I do believe she cares about me-but she takes advantage of my kindness.my boyfriend told me 'you cant let people do whatever they want to you.if you dont tell them off,theyll treat you as bad as they want,because they know you wont say anything.'
Now that shes pregnant,i dont even wanna see her face anymore.not becuase shes pregnant,but becuase shes constantly let me down,broken promises,and left me alone. However,id feel bad to leave her while shes going through this,and she keeps saying she needs me.plus I know,ill be all alone afterwards.
What do i do? Do i do whats right for myself? Or do i help her out?
All women are either Godesses or doormats. -- Picasso.
welp, I'm a doormat. Picasso doesn't lie.
You already know the answer to this question. She's not your friend and hasn't been for some time. First, get a backbone. You should have stopped putting yourself in situations where you were uncomfortable some time ago, but that is in the past. Learn from it going forward and don't let that happen again. Don't "provide clean urine", "clean up after" people who should be your friends, etc. Second, be honest with your "friend". Let her know exactly how she has abused your friendship and then make a clean break. Should you decide not to, at least re-establish the bounds of the relationship. Personally, I don't think you need this drama and it might help you to get some parental advice although that might seem unthinkable.
Picasso didn't say that your role in life was set in concrete either.
At 17, you still have more than enough time to do and/or achieve whatever you want to in life. Or not, as the case may be.
I'm not sure if telling her exactly how I feel will do any good.she won't understand.she hasn't listened to me when I tried to tell her the truth about her friends,or anything,no matter how many times I've 'hgotten tough' with her,and told her straight.she says shell do it,she appears to understand,but she always goes back on it.plus of course she might treat me like the bady guy since she thinks everyone is 'attacking her' she expects me to comfort her,and tell her she's still a good person.I've NEVER done anything like this before.
You make it sound so easy....
First, get a backbone.
I'm glad you didn't say "grow a pair". That would lead to even more debauched soirées.
Again,you people make it sound so easy....
".....However,id feel bad to leave her while shes going through this,and she keeps saying she needs me.plus I know,ill be all alone afterwards..."
Oh no ....you won't be alone. She'll want someone to babysit while she goes clubbing, or so that she can have time to herself.
Unless you are assertive, I envisage years of being taken for granted.
Like I said....your choice.
You can still be nice while you're being assertive. Check out one of those self help books on assertiveness. It sounds like you need to learn this art quickly, before you're living your life to suit someone else.
You make it sound so easy....
It isn't easy but it's necessary. A couple of years ago I broke off a friendship with a woman who had been one of my closest friends and it was a very painful thing to do (long story). Part of the pain was realising my own mistake (I'm a lot older than you and should have been more savvy about choosing my friends). But after the angst of whether to end the friendship or not I had a huge sense of relief that I didn't have to deal with her anymore and keep making compromises just to continue the friendship. And now I never think about her. You will feel that relief too when you make the break from your so-called friend.
Everything we do has consequences (either good or bad). It's as simple as that.
When what people do wrong to you and receive no consequences, they lose respect for you (you are of course, the only one that can provide the consequences). She has no respect for you, and none for herself either.
You can't force her to respect herself.
So why are you still her friend?
Because out of all of my friends,she was the only one who hadn't hurt me,the only one who understood me, and she was different from the others.plus we have so much history together.
But lately,these past 3 years,she's been so different...
I think I'm still her friend because I do care about her,but I think I'm stuck in the past...I'm stuck in what use to be.
Do you know of any particular ones that would be useful?
Or any free mobile book apps?