Am I being selfish or do I have toxic friends?

Reply Tue 31 Jul, 2018 08:16 pm
So, a few months ago my boyfriend and I booked a cruise with his parents. Once we posted about it on social media, our friends kind of invited themselves. We went with the flow and didn't mind them coming. So since then, I have decided to go back to college. It turns out I'm going to take both anatomy and chemistry (2 labs!!!) during the spring semester in order to apply for the program I want to get in to. This unfortunately lines up with our planned cruise. So, we had to reschedule to my spring break in order for it to work. My boyfriend's parents are 100% accepting and understand me wanting to focus on school and rescheduling the cruise. We got all of our money back, because the cruise is 6 months away. Our friends however are furious and have been making rude comments and yelling at us for days now. Am I being selfish for rescheduling to my spring break, instead of taking 2 weeks off of school? Or are my friends being selfish/toxic? What should I do next? I'm a really nice/sensitive person and have a hard time being rude to anyone. I just need an un-biased opinion.
Reply Tue 31 Jul, 2018 08:25 pm
They were only going on the cruise because you, your boyfriend and his parents were going?

If they really love the idea of cruising they can certainly go without you.

If they were only going because you were - they can cancel.

Their travel plans aren't your problem or your business.

Why they originally thought it would be appropriate to tag along on what was sort of a family trip is another question for you to ask yourself.

Not sure if they're toxic, but they certainly sound like unpleasant people. Probably good to know what they're like now so you can cut the relationship off.
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Reply Wed 1 Aug, 2018 04:04 pm
yes I agree with ehBeth. I think it would be different if you planned the cruise with one other person where they would have to go alone. But this sounds like a group of friends that are still free to travel without you. Not to mention they were tagging along and inviting themselves along with you.

Just be yourself and say you are really sorry and did not foresee your education getting in the way. That you would not have canceled except for the fact that this is terribly important to you.

Good friends would understand - those that would not - you might be better off without.

I once had a friend that did not understand when wedding plans got in the way of me meeting her for coffee (yep it was just coffee) - I explained that my future marriage was very important to me similar to when she canceled on me a few times when she said she had to study for her law degree. I mentioned how I understood that. Her reply was that was very important!

You know what this woman is no longer a friend (not because of this particular incident - but another) - her reply to this should have been an indication as she only got worse.
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