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Help me not feel like I'm in middle school

 
 
rox529
 
Reply Wed 6 Feb, 2019 06:28 pm
I realize that we're all adults and can pick and choose who we want to be friends with. But how do you deal with the situation where a friend is treating you very badly, and a mutual friend wants to overlook it all and still be friends with them?

My husband and I have a garage apartment that we spent major money on to rehab so that our friend didn't end up on the street. She would literally have been homeless. Things went south after about a year and she stopped working/paying rent but wouldn't leave. We ended up having to take her to court to get her out, and in the meantime she called in a city inspector to rack up all kinds of violations on the apartment we were never intending to rent out in the first place. The whole 5-6 month process was sickening, exhausting, stressful, and fraught with anger.

Our mutual friend (mf) was informed about what was going on (I had been keeping it very quiet), even claimed she was 'on my side' and 'really felt for me'. But even then she kept asking me about her, like 'hey how is she' and 'is she coming, she was looking for a ride did you talk to her?'. Then the day I got home from our eviction court I got an email from mf saying hey, hope court wasn't too stressful, just wanted to let you know I'm taking her out to dinner!

How am I supposed to feel? Do I just realize that their friendship has nothing to do with my issues and let it go? Or do I have the right to feel hurt that mf is not more loyal to me? I have absolutely no tolerance for people who behave badly and have dropped friends before even though their bad behavior has nothing to do with me. I just don't want to be around them. Is it wrong to expect other people to feel the same way? I just can't imagine why mf would even want to spend time with this gross person.
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Wed 6 Feb, 2019 08:25 pm
Similar thing happened to me. I let a friend move in and things soured from there - drinking until she passed out, smoked, Tried to move in on my private family time, etc. What was supposed to be an emergency 2 weeks turned into 3+ months.

I finally told her my daughter was coming for xmas and she’d have to be gone by then. She rented a room from another woman and disrupted that family. She finally got into low income housing and the manager called me about her drinking and fighting with other residents (She had put my name down as an emergency number)

Your “ex friend” sounds like a user of people. Most likely one of those likable, smart, manipulators who charms people until she is asked to pay their own way and/ or get organized. Very entitled personality, personality disorder or narcissist.

So YOU got used but you are wiser. Keep that knowledge close to you. Your mf friend has not learned her lesson yet. Probably because she hasn’t been burned yet. Dont worry, her time will come. Don’t get mad, she is just unaware and still under the spell.

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