Should I reject a bad friend?

Forums: Relationships, Friendship, Friends, Etiquette, Friendships
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I’ve had a friend for the past 10 years. We got together 2 - 3 times a week and spoke daily. We’ve both been in relationships but always maintained our friendship. Around 6 months ago we made plans to do something and when I tried to confirm I didn’t hear back from her I texted her a few times with no response. It was a month before I heard from her. She apologized and we texted for a few days and she stopped responding again. She didn’t reach out until about 3 months later, apologizing profusely and saying she missed our friendship. I was tempted to be done with it but I swallowed my pride. We started talking and catching each other up on our lives when mid conversation she stopped responding yet again. Yesterday she reached out again. She has no real explanation for suddenly not communicating, but I feel like I forgave her twice and each time I told her how her disappearing made me feel. I’m torn now between letting it go and talking to her again or not responding after giving her two chances. Or telling her that I don’t think our friendship is working anymore and walking away. I’m not sure what to do. Would appreciate any advice.

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@LALALANDED,

Or, you could just accept that at this time this is simply the way she chooses to run her life.

Like putting no expectations on the relationship, having a pleasant time when you do connect, enjoying the time for what it’s worth, but not placing any expectations for the future on it.

If it occasionally works out mutually for the 2 of you to meet in the immediate time, when it’s not putting you out if she doesn’t show, it could be nice to share a coffee or piece of cake.

If you pin your hopes on that she will accommodate your needs, you’ll continue to be disappointed.

Friendships have a multitude of life spans, intimacy and interests. Each on stands alone, not to be compared with another friendship.

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@LALALANDED,

Hey, I've known a girl that has done that for a year and a half. I did my share of whining about it, but I finally told her that it wasn't about what she didn't write when she didn't, but it was about what she did write when she did. I decided that if she didn't write again, it wouldn't be because of my decision.

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Just recognize that this relationship has moved to another stage where you two will connect way less frequently. No need to be angry about it. Just put it into its place.

If you want to try for more contact, then do one more push and see what happens, but quite frankly, she seems distracted by events in her own life and just does not have the time. Too bad she didn't let you know that. A little honesty would have set your mind at ease.

You may feel rejected, and she might see it as a natural fade.

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Should I reject a bad friend?

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