How do I know if a friend likes me back?

Reply Mon 17 Dec, 2018 02:15 am
I have a friend who I have feelings for that develop further every day I see him and I can’t get a gage from him.

He says so many things that could be taken as hints. For example:

- He asked me what pet names I like to be called (i.e. baby, honey, etc) and when I told him what I liked he proceeded to call me that
- He says he wants a relationship to develop from a friendship, and that I should strive for that too.
- While watching Harry Potter, I said Hermione was hot and he replied that he preferred Ginny because he has a thing for red heads (I have red hair)
- He’ll say sometimes that we are like a couple, for example whilst we were driving around, he farted (lol) and he said that we’re like a couple that’s become too comfortable around each other.
- We were at dinner with another couple and I said the food looked delicious and he said "you look delicious" with a smirk and a wink.

These are just a couple of examples where something he has said can be taken as him speaking aloud or teasing me OR flirting with me.

However, he also says things like “I was thinking about us getting together and that’d be so weird coz we are such good friends, don’t you think?” - and I can’t tell if that’s him just speaking his mind or him testing the waters. Every time someone hits on me he says that I should have gone for it. He’ll talk about other girls that he finds hot or has a thing for, but I do the same. He’s so confusing and I’ve been told that guys are generally straight forward when it comes to their feelings so I have no idea what to think. I've also hinted to him, as a defence mechanism, that I don't have have feelings for him to the point that I pushed him towards my best friend when I first met him because I thought that would be easier to deal with (I've had a really rocky past when it comes to boys).

Here's a situation that can some up our relationship, for the sake of the story lets name him Harry. Harry and I were at a party and I met this guy who started hitting on me and whilst we were chatting, he kissed me. Later that night, Harry came up to me and started telling me that this other guy had a serious thing for me and that he wanted to catch up after the party was over. There were no signs of jealousy in Harry. Harry and I got quite drunk and somehow we ended up kissing as well, and he even gave me a hickey (the when, what, why and how that lead up to us making out is something I cannot recall) and later that night we went to bed together cuddled together, holding hands and as close to each other as we could get.

I can understand this is not what normal friends end up doing but he seems like a bit of a free spirit and that kissing and cuddling may not necessarily be a romantic thing for him.

I'm so confused about our entire relationship and I want to date him but I'm scared of telling him I like him outright because I don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Reply Mon 17 Dec, 2018 07:12 am
Ask him out. It's 2018. You can do that.

Ask him to coffee or a soda (not alcohol, not a meal). Have a lovely time. When done, say, "I had a great time. Let's do it again, but this time make it a real date. Are you free Saturday night?" Or Friday or Sunday or whenever your schedule permits.

And see what happens. If he's still hemming and hawing, pin him down. Ask him outright: "I am getting mixed signals from you. It's confusing me. Do you want to go out, or not? Because if you don't, please let me know. And if you do, then do the same. In between is just confusing me."

If he still flakes, then do what you can to write him off.

I want you to know something. There are people who think that kind of flaky maybe yes, maybe no stuff is mysterious or fun or cute or whatever. Actually, it's passive-aggressive. It's the person hedging their bets, hoping to get something better but keeping you in their back pocket. And if for some reason they really are sincere that they don't know WTF they want, then I can assure you that you do not want to be with them, because that way leads to heartache when they change their fickle mind again and you're the one left feeling bereft.
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Reply Thu 14 Feb, 2019 06:03 am
There are many signs possible, and these signs usually come in stages like he will often call you with your name and confess his feelings for you directly or indirectly etc. Except this, there are also so many things from which you can recognize whether he likes you or not.
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