To quote the band Creed...
"Hold me now, I'm 6 feet from the edge. And I'm thinking maybe 6 feet ain't so far down..."
I'm about 4 inches closer to the edge. 'Cuz that's how long, in total, the cuts are.
I started again last night.
Oh, man! I'm really sorry, bookbrain. I'm asking an honest question here: Do the cuts really make you feel better? Are you talking to anyone? Are you taking your meds? I'm concerned about you!
I am taking my meds and I have talked to a friend today. The cuts take away from the pain i feel in my mind and in my heart. But I'm scared b/c the last time I cut immediatly after I felt guilty and started crying. I didn't feel any guilt last night, and I cut deeper than previously. Last time I didn't draw any blood, last night I cut until i got blood. I sat there sawing at my arm until blood was on my knife. I'm getting really scared now that I might go farther and not be able to stop this time.
O.K., listen. This might seem harsh - but you've got to stop! I know you feel it's letting out the pain & you felt guilt. That happens the first time, but unfortunately that lessens with time. I want you to know and remember that you are a worthwhile person and you don't deserve this. Do you know what I mean? Can you try to 'go outside of yourself' and see this from mine or someone else's eyes? - Not as you see you, but as someone who cares about you. You care about you don't you? You may not know it now. Can you think of someone who doesn't want you to do this? (I'm one) Think of your friends...
From a practical medical standpoint you could get an infection, not to mention scars. I'm not trying to sound parental or anything, really. I just know that you are worth more than this - than the pain you're going through, but I need YOU to help you through this too, okay?
I've been trying to stop myself, I don't want to die or anything. I have tried to step out of myself and see this all from someone else's eyes, but it hasn't worked.
Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just in my nature to want to help. I'd do it for you if I could, but you MUST help yourself. You've got to be stronger than 'IT'.
Okay. You don't want to die. What do you want to accomplish by doing this? I know it's about how you feel and all, but can you think in a logical way about it? Maybe you can see how non-sensical it is to do. NOT stupid, but that it doesn't make sense to hurt a perfectly good person!
I am going to try my hardest to stop this, and hopefully I'll succeed. I really don't know what to do anymore.
Me too. Do you pray, bookbrain? I think now would be a good time to. I am thinking of you and praying too.
thanx. i think i'll start praying as soon as this panic attack passes.
I'm so sorry. I HATE those. I had to pray through 'em! I'll be thinking about you, bookbrain. I'm concerned, and I care. Gotta go TCB (take care of business) G'night, lamb!
