Depression

it just a once a day 10mg pill. it hasn't started to completely work yet, but its starting and i'm begining to feel a bit better.

heh...I'm trying to get off all the meds....even though I "need" them...but 10mg, that, I wouldn't feel so bad taking. Normally they dose you up real high. Does talking to the counsler person help? They don't threaten to lock you up or treat you wierd? I'm happy it's helping you....

i haven't talked to ne one since i got the meds. the only way, i think, that they will threaten to lock me up would be for me to threaten to do something to myself.

is it a good or bad thing if i've started to write porn?

Yes, it's good. Not for sexual reasons (but that is also not 'bad' either), but for a letting go of tension. Also, you never know how good it might read. Writing is great, in whatever genre. Keep at it.

What kindof tension would this say I've got.

Saw the social worker again today. I don't know if I can truely open up to her. Yes I can talk to her, but I don't know if I can talk about everything. I think her goal with me is for me to help myself, I don't have to discuss anything unless it buggs me. I don't know how I feel about it.

Stress mainly, which can aggravate depression. I've been down this road myself, and creative outlets really helped me.

Good analysis, cav. It really does take one to know one if you ask me.
Bookbrain, it's good that the social worker should let you bounce stuff off her, BUT she might not know to encourage you to talk about other things that are bugging you. Some are less intuitive. YOU might need to make the effort to get stuff out. Just remember you want to help YOU, whatever you need to say or do to help you be/feel better. She's there as a sounding board. A good one makes you feel like she's helpfully guiding you to help yourself, a mediocre one will at least help you get stuff out.

It is natural for her to want you to help yourself. Opening up is a process, and it takes time. Stick with it, you might actually surprise yourself down the road.

I think I've relapsed in missing him. I found a bunch of old convos and wanted to cry. I've started to think about him almost all the time. If I have time to think chances are that I am thinking of him. I was just begining to look at other guys again. Should this be taken as a bad sign or is it natural to relapse to how you were just after teh breakup?

Good thinking, bookbrain! Relapses are natural. I went in & out of feeling better & feeling worse. It gets better little by little. I promise.

thanx

I hope you're feeling a little bit better today?

slightly

Little by little, young one.

i'll remember that

Struggling to do what is right... God I want to bleed.

Oh, bookbrain, I am so sorry for your pain. You don't cut, do you?

I've done it once or twice, over a month ago. I've also downed pills. I've stopped both but there are times I want to start up both again.