Depression

My hands are tied, there's no where to turn...
I can't think strait, I don't want to.
All I want is to give in, even though I know I can't.
To give in to the pain, take the pills...
If only I would let myself...
It would go away, but yet I'd be letting him down...
I don't ever want to let him down.... never

How could I let this happen?
Last year I wouldn't even take something for cramps, and now I want to down a whole bottle....

Depression,symtoms?
How can a dr.distinguish clinical depression vs. an Illness that's difficult to diagnose?
Sometimes further and more extensive testing needs to be done in order to diagnose a problem rather than a dr. saying it must be a chemical imbalance which they really are saying is "depression".
They're so quick to use the term depression because they can't find a solution medically.
Can a person have enlarged lymph nodes under the armpits and neck region from stress,plus lose 20 lbs in one year without trying?
If so, then I'll be the first person to go to a psychiatrist and get on meds right away.
Can clinical depression mock other illnesses?

mylin1960- Welcome to A2K!

Stress does not cause enlarged lymph nodes. Chronic lymphadenopathy is a sign of serious disease. Depression MAY cause weight loss, (from not eating), but if that is not the case, your situation needs to be evaluated medically. A blood test, and a good physical exam will rule out, or confirm any disease process that may be causing these symptoms. Do yourself a favor. Made an appointment with a doctor TODAY. What you are experiencing is NOT normal. Good luck, and let us know how things turn out!

doglover...careful. Not everyone in this forum is Fred.

mylin1960, I agree with Phoenix. Get a doctor to look at it and run all the proper tests.

bookbrain5, I can relate. You need to find a head space that will enable you to stand up to the pressure your folks are putting on you. Talking to a professional is good, but you can also think about what it is that YOU want, and once you make a decision, face the parents, and talk with them, up front, and honestly.

I hear ya cav. Your warning is duly noted. Thanks.

Bookbrain ~ Your school should have counselors if not, most larger cities have free clinics, or your school should have a school nurse, please go and talk to them. Maybe the mother of a close friend, but it is imperative that you speak to someone you can trust but who will also intermediate for you and your parents, the school nurse would be my first choice followed by the school counselor. I have battled depression myself and by just taking the step and telling someone face to face how you are feeling and asking for help takes a tremendous burden off of you.

Being a teenager these days is a tough job, you are a bright girl and should be able to summon the inner strength to make that first step, if you are unable to vocalize how you are feeling, please put it on paper and give it to the school nurse or counselor and tell them you have something you need help with.

Though you and your parents seem very distant to you with lots of strife, they love you and would only want the best for you.

I can't help but wonder if that Wisconsin college sophomore, Audrey Seiler wasn't feeling a lot of pressure to keep her grades at 4.0 from her family and friends and concocted the abduction story just to get away from the pressure or garner sympathy.

I have spoken with my bf about it, and that has helped alot, but going to my parents is like the last thing I want to do. Knowing them and our relationship they'll turn it into something it's not. I know my parents want me to be happy, but right now it seems like they are taking away my freedom to do the few things that can actually make me happy now, they don't seem to like my bf and they're cutting back on the time I'm aloud to go online.
I know depression is not something that should be taken lightly, but I'm afraid that even talking to a councler or the nurse will turn it into some bigger thing than I want to deal with. It would be good for me yes, but is it the only way for me to deal with this, or is there something else I could do?

Bookbrain,

Yes. Getting help from a counselor is the only way to deal with this.

I know you are worried about a counselor making this into a big deal. But, this is a big deal. You are obviously thinking about doing things that will hurt you.

Please get some help. There are a lot of people that are trained to give you the support that you need. I would suggest you see a school counselor. Hopefully there is some adult at the school you trust - ask them what resources are available. They may refer you to another counselor or therapist.

A counselor or therapist will help you in several ways.

First, a counselor is someone to talk to. They will listen to you and give you feedback in a non-emotional way. A counselor is an adult whose job it is to be on you side. It is not their job to put restrictions. The counselor is there to give you the support you need. This will help you.

Secondly, when you are ready, a counselor can help you talk to your parents. Most parents are honestly trying to do the best they can, but no one is perfect.

A counselor, as an adult, can explain to your parents what you need in a way that they will accept. If you need less pressure or space or whatever, the counselor can help your parents understand this. The counselor can also help you understand your parents better.

Finallly, a counselor will give you ways to deal with the pressure you are feeling. It is hard to be a teenager. The counselor can help you with ways to get through it.

You need to deal with the things you are feeling. I know it is scary, but your life will be better if you get help.

Also realize that many of us have gone through this. If you deal with this -- and don't ignore it -- life does get much better.

But please get help. Go talk to your school nurse or counselor tomorrow.

One more thing,

I am almost certain that you can speak to a school counselor or nurse confidentially -- i.e. without your parents knowing.

If this is important to you - ask them first thing if you can talk in private.

They will most likely tell you that they will keep your conversation private as long as you don't tell them you plan to hurt yourself. This is the policy in my son's school.

Just ask about privacy first thing.

ebrown makes some excellent points

One other thing to consider bookbrain, you say your parents are denying you freedoms to do things you want, your boyfriend etc. Parents have a second sense when it comes to their kids, I have a 3 y/o so I know what I am saying , anyhoo, your parents may be sensing that something is making you unhappy or that you are sad and being unable to read your mind are only doing what they think is best to help you.

Being a parent is somewhat like being a detective, you have so many clues and you try to come to a conclusion based on what you have, your parents only have limited clues from you and are doing the best they can, however nothing is more important than you and your emotional well being, this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of your life, full of hope and happiness, please talk to the school nurse or your counselor and take ebrown's advice and make sure your visit will be confidential, when you are ready you can tell which ever one you opt to talk to that you wish a meeting with your parents.

Consider this as well, you posted your message here, so you are wanting to talk about this, and look at how many of us, who you do not know have opened our hearts and wish for you to seek help, not as older "we know best" types but as fellow members of the human race who also feel the pain you are suffering and want you to have happiness, the world is full of caring and compassionate people who wish to help you, please see your counselor or school nurse.

How are you feeling today Bookbrain?
I am a newbie and I really feel for you. I've been there myself. Have you spoke to your counseler yet? Please don't put this off. This is one of the most important things you could do. You have to fix the problem you're going through, not run away or hide from it. It will only make matters wortst by not getting it out in the open. Your mind will chew you up.
What exacly are you afraid of? Are you afraid that they'll put you on medications or put you in a psyciatric ward? They might give you a medication to help you feel better so you can think straight again, but they won't stick you on a pshc ward unless you attempt to hurt yourself.
Are your parents even aware how you feel about what they're doing to you? They sound so controlling and don't even give you any freedom to be yourself. I think they need to be made aware of the harm they're causing inside of you. You are your own person. They need to let you blossom and make decisions for your self,but with some guidance. How could they take away your computer time? Why are they doing this? They're not making you a better person if this is their objective. they're creating a very harmful situation and feelings in you.
You feel like escaping and running from it all, yet you can't and that's why you're thinking of suicide.
There is hope bookbrain. I know you don't feel like there is at the moment, but if you talk to your counselor or someone older who you can really open up to, you MUST try to do this. Before it does get worst. I've tried in my past to end it all because I thought there was no hope, no answers, I was in so much pain and no one was there to help me. OR so at least I thought there was no one. Believe me, it can get alot worst if you don't try to take care of it NOW. A psyc ward is not a rosey place to be. It's very scary and the doctor in charge is like GOD there. What he says GOES. If he wants to keep your rump there for any length of time,other than your home, he will keep you there. It's his decision. If he feels you are any threat to your well being no matter how much you tell them you are o.k. and want to go home, they will NOT let you.
Sensitive people feel more things or emotions more than most people. Some numb those feelings either with drugs,or drinking or running away from the situation. Uless you try to solve it and talk about it, it will remain there. It doesn't just go away. IT hurts, yes I know. But I'm trying to save you time and not waste it in the years to come bookbrain. Do you want to waste all your precious youthful years thinking about something horrible and destructive? It can destroy you,believe me. It will prevent you from maturing and only hold you back. You want the best for yourself, so do your parents,believe it or not. You feel like all they're doing is attacking you. Sometimes parents need to be reminded and woken up about what they're doing to the child. They think they're in the right, when actually the child is thinking something totally different.
I'm happy when my children tell me I'm being
a B----. and to stop it what ever I'm doing to pollute the air with my negative screaming. It builds up in me, I feel like I'm going to snap, I start raising my voice and then my children make me aware of my behavior and it stops me dead in my tracks.
Sometimes parents need to made aware. They're not perfect by any means. They try to be though.
I care for you bookbrain and I'm here for you anytime. Please open up and release what's inside. It will eat you alive if you don't.
Always remember, there is an answer. There is hope. You just have to reach for it. Sorry this is so lenthy, but I felt I had to share with you. I'm not preaching by any means.
Sincerely,
Linda S.

Well stated mylin. I've been down the depression road myself, and the need to please the parents was a big part of the problem. When I started asserting myself to them, and talked about my needs openly, I was pleasantly surprised at how accomodating they were. Ask and ye shall receive, but say nothing, you get nothing. I really hope bookbrain sees a counsellor first, and then opens up to the folks.

I hope so cavfancier. I'm anxious to see how she's doing and if she went to see her counsellor yet.
It really hurts, doesn't it? I'm still hurting myself and find it hard to deal with. Everyday theres something. I just hope she understands that if it's not taken care of now,it will be following her for the rest of her life. THe chaos, the bad decisions, possible drug abuse and alcholol abuse. I wish now that I had sought after some help and treatment back then. It may have saved me alot of anguish that I am now going through.
It's the best advice we can give her, now it's up to her to take some action.

Agreed, mylin. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy worked wonders for me, and it was fast.

mylin,
you asked what i'mmost afriad of in this, i scared to open up to someone about my problems. it's one thing to ask about it on a forum, but in talking face to face with a person i'm petrified. i usually don't open up to people unless i feel that i can truely connect to them. the only real reason i have even talked to my bf about it is bc we both have a sinister streak and right now thats what i can connect to. i'm a major introvert who can't even talk to her own family. i don't know if i will b able to talk to a councler about what i'm going through, talking to parents is almost out of the question right now. most of my friends dont even know what i'm going through. i've hinted to them about what is happening, but i haven't felt that i could truely tell them anything. some of my friends, i know, will turn it into something different if i tell them.

Would it really be different bookbrain? Or are you afraid of the truth?
Don't be afraid to face it. Eventually you'll be able to deal with what you're afraid of. It's just realizing first what it is. You've acheived the first step. Don't stop now, you're almost there.
I realize it's difficult to share our innermost,deep thoughts and feelings. We're afraid of them ourselves but haven't been taught what to do with them. It's ok to feel what you're feeling.
My friends and family have no CLUE what I'm really thinking or going through emotionally either. I feel like they'll never really understand my thoughts. All they do is yell. They think like they have the answer to everything and that If I don't do what they do or if I don't live up to their expectations, something is wrong with me.
NOT TRUE! You are your own person. You just have to learn bookbrain. It takes thought, trial and error in the process. You have a lifetime to learn and sometimes we learn too late and wish we had learned sooner. One day you wake up when you're older and say, "Ghee! why did I waste all my youth"? I'm ready now to live life to the fullest the best way I know how, and I don't have that much time left. Why didn't I do this when I was younger? Becaue I wasted it doing stupid harmful things to myself because of all the turmoil going on in my head. That's why I say to you to get help or guidance while you're young so that you CAN get through this life somewhat safely, and healthy. Don't waste precious time. There is a way you can do it, you have to find it. Search it with your whole heart bookbrain.
I'm glad you wrote back and I'm sorry I didn't check in yesterday. I'll check back later on today to see how you're doing.
I hope you are well. I have to fight everyday with similar things you're going through too. It's just alittle different but comes down to the same thing.
Our minds are a tricky thing. Don't let it ruin yourself.
Love,
Linda S.

As you have said, maybe I am afraid of the truth. I don't know. Does it change any thing? I know I have to face my fears, but I don't know how to and still stay the person I want to be. To face this and deal with it the way ur saying I have to start talking to people, I don't want to talk to people. I am very happy being the introvert that I am. Talking does scare me a bit and I hate it. I know that I have mentioned this b4 and I'll mention it alot, I hate it that I can't talk tko my family. It hurts me that I am so much like my family that were complete opposites, and that causes strife. So you think if I patched things up w/the family it would help me open up to others more that I could deal with this easier?

bookbrain5, my experience with approacing therapy was similar to yours, in that I could not talk to anyone about what I was going through who was close to me, like family and friends. The purpose of a counsellor or a therapist is that while they do expect you to be open, they are essentially a neutral party, and pretty much a stranger, just like we are here on the forum. The main difference is, they are trained to help, while we can only give advice. As hard as it is to talk to someone face to face, if you can wrap your head around the fact that this person is a non-judgemental stranger, you may find it easier to handle, and if it works, you will eventually find it easier to start talking to the family, and your friends. It worked for me, in exactly that way.