affair with someone elses girlfriend

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Hi, i met a girl 9 years ago when i was 15 i am now 24, we were on and off throughout our teen years but were too immature to keep a real relationship going. The girl I am seeing isn't married as she is only 23. She has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and has a child aged 1 year old. She is not happy with him and has said she doesn't love him no more and wants to always be with me. We have the most amazing connection with each other and we both know it. I am single, i work and could support her and her daughter. We have discussed this and she might say things like, ''i wish he cheated on me'' '' i wish we could always be together' ''lets have a baby''' she has also told me she loves me. I am not a bad person i do feel guilty for what im doing as i do know her boy friend but love is not an option at this stage. We've been seeing each other for 5 months now and it seems to get more serious each month. She is also guilty purely for the childs sake as she believes her boyfriend wants to stay together for the kid even though he is probably not happy either. I have a feeling we will be together one day. But i dont know when. I ask my self, what shall i do? If we dont act upon our love now and she doesn't tell him soon will my actions become dangerous the longer the affair goes on?....

We are without fail the best couple, soul mates, partners that would ever meet her boyfriends family are close and she knows she would be upsetting alot of people by splitting with him for me.. please help if there is another female out there who has been successfull in leaving there partner for another boy tell me how they went about it and what other people think about the situation..

PLEASE REPLY THANK YOU!!

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[+3] - FOUND SOUL - 10/04/2012Honestly? I think that 1) this is definately going to be emotional for him but even worse if he establishes that there is another man in the house most days, regardless of how much time you...

@mike6500,

Staying together for the kid's sake is never a good thing. There's usually tension in those relationships and the kids can sense it causing an unhealthy relationship for the child. Recommend it to her and see if she'll just go through with breaking up with him. Better off that way, trust me. My kids go around slamming doors and swearing because I stayed in a relationship that escalated. Since I broke up with my kids mother I acquired custody and me and my children are much happier and things are going great.

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@mike6500,

The person who nobody seems to give a damn about in here is the child.

Go away, far, far away from this mess. Because that is what it is, and what it continues to become. This woman (I use the term loosely as her behavior is truly infantile) is not interested in leaving her boyfriend. Because if she was, she already would have done so. Instead, she's got the best of both worlds. She strings him along for child care and child support (and probably a rather convenient schedule) and she strings you along for sex. And if you and she have a kid together, she will string you along for child care and child support as well, as she looks for a third sucker (I mean soul mate).

People in wonderful relationships, who are in love, don't give a damn about what others think - they do whatever they can in order to be together. And mature people who are parents act in the best interests of their children, and put them first - and that means having a stable life (whether the relationship of the two parents is intact or not).

You're being played.

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What Jespah said.

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@mike6500,

Do you think when you are 27, 30.. if with this woman, that you will all of a sudden realise that "she" cheated on her then boyfriend, for you? She cheated....And, imagine, you have a baby too with her and she gets tired of you, starts seeing someone else, and says all the same lines to him, about you...

If someone honestly loves someone, (they are not married), then they do the right thing. They leave. And, then they commence a new relationship. You never stay, you don't have to stay, the guy can still see his child.

Ask yourself, do you make more money than he does? I am betting that you do.

She could have seeked solice with you, as a friend that eventually turned into something and she walked away. She chose an affair, to tell you all these "love" notes, yet remains with him.

I agree with Jespah.

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@jespah,

I apreciate your reply but i think there is also an other option if she does this immediatly. She should do the right thing and tell him she loves someone else. The reason im sure me and her are for real is. We have met up quite a few times this last couple of months without sex she even came to the pub to watch football with me and 4 other males. Being the only female where i did not focus all my atention on her. However she was constantly complimenting me. Dropped her home after... This affair happened 3 years ago when she was going through a rough patch but we got caught, she loved her man then so got back with him. She no longer loves him im assured by her friends and family and her. she has not cheated with anyone other than me twice in the last 4 years.im certain. Thanks for replies keep it going.!

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@FOUND SOUL,

He has a better job than me i acknowledge your replies and will discuss this with her immediatly if shes not willing to move on now .and be with me i will agree with jaseph and yourself thank you.

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What stuck out like a sore thumb to me was her telling you "I wish he cheated"

She's too immature, chicken, whatever to stand up and tell her feelings to him.
Instead, she wishes something would happen that will give her the excuse to leave. She wants to make all this someone elses "fault"

What do you think she'll do to you down the road?

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@mike6500,

To me the definition of Soul Mates are two people that can't be apart, that belong together and can not be with someone else.

If she doesn't walk from him. Walk from her. Because, if she really thinks you are her soulmate and doesn't love him, she will walk from him.

Remember though.. It was a rough patch and she seeked solice but then realised she loved him. Now, she has a little baby and I would guess, is going through another rough patch.. Don't get caught up in a marriage for someone to lean on you when they see fit.

You're worth more than that to aren't you?

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@mike6500,

mike6500 wrote:

The girl I am seeing isn't married as she is only 23. She has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and has a child aged 1 year old.

What does being 23 have to do with being married or not?? She's got a 1 yr old kid, so she could have been married.

Anyway, no point trying to understand you. I agree with Jespah.

And you are not, 'without fail the best couple, soul mates, partners that would ever meet' because SHE'S NOT LIVING WITH YOU, get it?

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@Mame,

How can she live with me at my dads house with a 1 year old child where the dad is soo focused on the child. Alot of this is down to security tooits not as easy as 1,2,3...

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@Mame,

Ok so maybe not the very definition of soul mates but trust me i know what we are and that is definate lovers. Weve always always always loved eachother i think the answer is.... She either leaves him with courage or i walk and cut contact. I wouldnt be so dumb as to be mugged by her twice. I have my head screwed on but i understand her problems hence why its not happened with me yet but now is the right time to start making decisions thanks everyone.

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@mike6500,

If you've always loved each other, how is it that she has been living with him since she was 19 and has a kid with him and wants him to cheat so she can leave him? How 'soul mate-y' is that?

Come on... you're deluding yourself, mike.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Hmmm. Im guna sleep on it thanks. Things must change now or im walking thanks again.

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@mike6500,

If she was your first love, you hers then it's call "first bonding" in which case as you now say love/ lovers, it suggests that.

Marriage is a piece of paper, commitment of 4 years and a baby, living together might as well be a marriage.

I don't think you should force her to do anything. You say you were a mug the first time, you can "suggest" and ascertain from there whether you would have been a mug the second time or not.

Maybe she has to work out her in-differences with this guy, "on her own" without interferance from another guy who perhaps was her first love...

If it's meant to be it will be, later down the track. But, I think your presence is possibly confusing the issue.

Suggest, if that doesn't come to fruition walk. You could possibly be assisting her emotionally where otherwise, this boyfriend is not providing her with same.

Who know unless you walk and stay away...

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

Time for me to have my space and time i will stand up for myself this time. I will stay in touch but there will be no emotions shown through text. If she asks am i ok with her i will be up front and just say yeah but im getting on with my life as a single person too... I would not be harsh or wrong in saying that. See what happens eh! Soul thank u, you have been most understandng and helpfull. Smile

1 Reply

@mike6500,

right.... something crazy has happened there is a girl i used to also see who has shown interest in me tonight and wants to meet up with me she expressed sexual talk to me. and the girl i was having an affair saw it and is upset and is kicking her man out tomorrow there is a lot of problems so we have to go slow. But i stuck to my word i told her im single i can meet this other girl if i like and my affair partner said i never knew i cared this much for you and im going to have to upset alot of people maybe i needed a shuv to realise what you mean to me!! il keep you updated about tomorrow. at the moment im in a win win situation because i like both girls but am still in love with my affair partner so hopes it all goes well. If not i will meet the other girl... what do you all think. Im not horrible i will support her and apreciates the fact that her bloke idolises the kid i understand there will be problems we have to sort but im over the moon!! PLEASE REPLY PEOPLE she said she loves me and is kicking him out tommorow cant believe it needed to come to this!!!!!!

1 Reply

@mike6500,

Welllll.... We always want what we can't have.

Be careful.

The mere fact that she is jealous, is normal. He's got to be a horrible boyfriend, if she wants to "kick him out" instead of moving herself due to her erm, love for you.

Is that fair? Is that right, is he horrible? She had the affair not him, she is leaving him for you, not him for someone else... Mmmmm plot thickens.

Hey, the other girl just wants to be a booty call Wink

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@FOUND SOUL,

haha yeah the other girl wants a booty call i like it!

i dont wana go too far into it but basically she said she has to do this as she obviously doesnt want to lose me i think this is how some girls work this needed to happen it was like fate, thanks for your time and effort soul!

1 Reply

@mike6500,

I kissed a girl and I liked it Smile

Deep breathes...

Prefer to know the ending than the beginning, just kidding but I do want to know the ending!!!!!

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affair with someone elses girlfriend

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