I'm not sexually satisfied should I leave my 9 year marriage

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I have been with my husband 11 years married for 9. I'm going to make this story short as possible. But for over 4 years now my husband starting completely turning me off. It was a mental shut down for me. I completely became unattracted to his mental state of mind about things, life and growth. and honestly I think I outgrew him. Now my husband loves me very much and worships me. He is a awesome provider to our family but the income isn't stable meaning at any point it could go away and there is no back up plan on his part. I'm convinced that he is not focused enough to have a successful back up plan. It really seems that he cant do anything without me. I have several business I run myself so babysitting him is hard, and through the years I've taught myself everything I know. Through my growth process and him not applying himself to anything growth wise. I gave up. So mentally I lost interest and Sexually well I think I was just accepting of the fact I had a good faithful man who provides unselfishly and I accepted the mediocre sex from beginning. But now I'm completely past it and I think the mental shut down now along with the not so hot sexually life caused me to have a 3 almost 4 year affair where the sex was amazing and we connected mentally. But then he died the person I was having the affair with passed away which left me grieving, lonely and miserable. Not to mention my body NOW yearning for what we had that I'm now missing even more. Now I had not really cheated on my husband before. Except this one period of time where my husband was away for 18 months within our 1st year of marriage and I met a younger guy 9 years younger to be exact and we had a brief affair. No intentions at all on leaving my husband, this was just fun. However, it was one of the best sexually experiences of my life. Sooo good that it went on for awhile and I actually got pregnant. Now don't judge me. I said I had no intentions on leaving my husband. So having this child was not an option for me. I handled that situation and got out of it. It took along time to get him out my head. I never really did. Ironically this guy contacts me out the blue but literally the same week that the person I was having the affair with died. Of course I was in no mental state to respond to him at all. But after months of grieving and my body and mind having withdrawals from my friend that passed away. I reached out to this young guy. A lot more mature now of course and remember defiantly one of the best sexual experiences of my life. So yeah he helped me grieve. Because I was literally a mess. But remember I told you we made a baby, well there was defiantly love there. The 4 year affair I never had intentions on leaving my husband for him. Now I was ok if It came to light then I would deal with the consequences. But it was never a plan with this guy even though he wanted me to himself. But NOW my young guy is in love I feel the same way. The butterflies, the chemistry the everything, its all there. He is just not in position to provide like my husband does. However, I'm financially secure. Bottom line Is I have been mentally and physically checked out my marriage for years. My husband is a good person all around. I don't want to hurt him but I'm just not happy mentally or sexually, but I am happy with his recent financial gain that he has had. And he is trying everything in his power to not lose me. But I feel I'm already lost and I don't even know how to come back. I'm so Confused but not really. I really want to be happy I want the feeling. And its just not here anymore with him.

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[+5] - jespah - 07/12/2021If you have any sympathy for your husband as a fellow human being, divorce him so he can find someone who will truly love and be faithful to him. You're roommates. And you, specifically,...

@msconfused,

If you have any sympathy for your husband as a fellow human being, divorce him so he can find someone who will truly love and be faithful to him.

You're roommates. And you, specifically, are a terrible roommate.

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@msconfused,

Face it, you don’t even LIKE your husband. The only compliment you have given him is that he contributes financially, somewhat. But you remind us that you are financially stable yourself.

We’re you ever turned on by your husband, sexually? If so, how did that wane?

Put your big girl pants on and do what you have to do. If you don’t have courage enough to do that then stop messing around and try to make your marriage work.

Most likely, your husband knows of your infidelity and dissatisfaction with him.
He could be miserable, too.

( You don’t mention family - kids, relatives. How does that figure in your plans?)

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well i tried to make the story short but we have 1 child together and he helped raise my other 3. We have 3 Grandkids that love him dearly. All from my son that isnt his. The family and friends is probably what I think about the most. and also the fact that I know my husband will be devastated. We talked last night I didnt tell him of my infedelity just that I wasnt in love with him anymore. But I do love him.

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@msconfused,

Yes, I'm available

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@msconfused,

Yes MSConfused - you do what you are going to do!

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You really need to get counseling. A lot of what you say is directly contradicted elsewhere in your post. This indicates you may not have everything in perspective. Just as in marrying in haste, divorcing in haste can offer a loooong opportunity to repent at leisure.

Sitting and doing nothing is no good either.

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@msconfused,

I understood you mostly but not at first Ms Confused. I know you have already done what you could by now.

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@msconfused,

Whatever your problems - you won't ever get over it. Reading your words was like a famous author wroke it. I just don't know why people don't have more contacts with the mob. You wouldn't have to cheat if accidents happened more precise to inconvenience.

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@jespah,

I totally agree with you

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@msconfused,

If you had intentions on leaving your husband for anything you should leave your husband.

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@jespah,

How would that "roommate wanted" poster go?

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@msconfused,

It is time to make things interesting, like what he like or something that would make him drive him crazy. I mean you have to do things to keep the marriage interesting. You gotta work him over. get him into eating healthy. Do things to make things "different". Chances are he is so comfortable or maybe he had too much abuse or just has calm down. Maybe you and him could role play.

I mean sounds like between you are him is not doing their best at all. You need to rediscover each other.

I would start making dietary meals for both of you, or even limit what you and him purchase. Move away from television, video-games, internet, and get back to basics.

Refine each other, ask yourself "Why did you get with him the first time around" and then ask "why you have kids with him now".

..........

Beyond that wait until your children grow up at least, and leave the nest. You will need him for that. So until then just hang on to him. My uncle and his wife did that. They waited until their last kid grow up and was on her own and then she left him.

However even now, they are together ( as friends ) and beyond that are open in their living standards as they have other people as well. That being said he really missed her but it works out for the best between them.

All the while with saving money, and avoiding eating crap, you and him could get into shape, until then.

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@msconfused,

You don't worship him. Backup plan, ha ha.

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I'm not sexually satisfied should I leave my 9 year marriage

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