Mon 6 Jan, 2020 04:40 am
Regarding my question, the commonly held wisdom is that wives will only cheat if they are not content with their marriages or sex lives with their husbands.
However In the post entitled ‘Could a happily married man cheat’, I like the @mystickmind post that shows that temptation is a another significant factor and I agree with this view, especially when combined with opportunity. Such as the following comment
“If however an opportunity to cheat is thrust upon them, then it becomes a different story! The more intense, the temptation, then the more likely they will cheat.”
We all know the scenario. Married lady away in a hotel on business is approached by an attractive guy who is better looking, fitter and sexier than her husband. He’s an alpha male, full of self confidence and soon makes it clear he’s not after just having a drink and a chat. A no-strings, one night stand is on the table and no way hubby will find out. How many girls would say yes? Not a majority for sure, but maybe a notable minority, say 20 – 25%? Depends, obviously on the girl’s personality and is not just about the sex. The appeal of getting naked with a new guy, the thrill of cheating would all be factors as well.
Although I’m convinced my own wife has never cheated, I’m not naïve enough to assume that in the above scenario, she would turn down the guy, especially as she has a lot of risk factors. She is 35 and we are happily married with a rewarding sex life. She’s very attractive, stylish, sociable and outgoing and loves meeting new people. Before we became engaged when she was 29, she often had multiple lovers on the go at the same time, and thinks sex is having fun with someone you fancy. She also still has a roving eye for good looking guys. Also her married friends cheat, mainly alcohol fuelled one off flings with guys met at clubs, leaving the other girls to come up with cover stories for their husbands. Don’t think she would ever do this as she’s a very modest drinker, but I do get to hear about these flings from her and she only seems to disapprove of her friend’s choice of guy, rather than the fact they are cheating.
However, opportunity is the biggest risk factor now that my wife has resumed her professional career after our son has now started full time school. This will involve travel and overnight stays in London and this will typically be 2 consecutive nights every 2 weeks. He first trip away will be the first night we have spent apart since we got married. Clearly this all ratchets up the opportunity and temptation stakes!
Looking forward to people’s views.
Seems odd that your wife is sharing these “cheat stories” with you - but, whatever.
If a gal’s got hamburger at home, she’s going to want a bite of the steak offered to her.
Apparently your wife still thinks you are better than anything she’s seen out there.
Always be the steak.
@PUNKEY,
Does seem odd, but then again my wife can't keep a secret. Guess if she cheats (and I hope not), she'll probably tell me anyway. Also she reckons she tells me because I "Get it", meaning I understand that women stray as often as men these days.
I shall endevour to remain as the steak, but then again she's not had her trips away yet. First one tomorrow, she spends 2 nights away.
@jackstraw,
"Can a happily married woman cheat". Well, I guess she CAN....but why would she want to? I was happily married and the thought literally never crossed my mind. I was too happily into my spouse and our home/life/activities to even notice anyone else.
@jackstraw,
In my opinion, yes. If temptation is strong enough she can. But if she loves you a lot, I say no temptation is ever gonna be strong enough.
@jackstraw,
Are you fully aware that is all about yourself and your issues with yourself; zero to do with your wife ... It is essentially a scenario which you have created either as some sort of anxiety response to a life change ... Or you are a cuckold at heart and adore the whole mental torture thing.
"He’s an alpha male"
Which clearly suggests you do not consider yourself to be so. It also implies that your wife is weak willed and unable to make up her own mind.
Weak people cheat. Happy, decent and intelligent people do not cheat on their partner ... If they are unhappy they leave; Better single/happy than partnered/miserable.
My own wife of 30+ years would never cheat, any more than I would, we are a symbiotic Gestalt unit and both Alpha personalities ... We chose each other for fundamental reasons that will never change. My wife is a Dr, she does all sorts of conferences etc etc .... The only Alpha she wants in her life is myself because I am 'it' for her and her for me. It is not even a subject in our life. Not even a passing thought.
As I said, IMO, you would do well to look at yourself and your own drives .... Rather than making up how your wife is supposed to think, in some imagined situation, according to you.
@jackstraw,
if she is OK with the fact that her friends cheat then that means she accepts cheating as being acceptable and possibly expected behavior. So to me that means if the opportunity arises and she is in the mood she will in fact cheat while she is away. If not now, then later. You need to tell her how you feel about fidelity even though you did so when you were first married. Either tell her it is once and done or accept the fact that you will share your wife. If that is the case tell her, no joke, to pack condoms and both of you get STD tests regularly.
@ctdans,
Sorry, I’ve not been in touch, but nothing much to report. Ctdans makes good points, but it’s a chat for me to have another day.
Since my first post my wife had 2 nights away, but both of those involved meals out with work colleagues so no tempting opportunities. After that, the pandemic hit, so no more trips away, just WFH with no end in sight. In fact, it looks like there will never be business trips with the company she works for as COVID has changed their whole business model.
As for her friends, likewise no clubbing, so her friends have had no more opportunities. They all seem happily married with their husbands blissfully aware of their wives indiscretions. Does feel odd to be in on their secrets, but whenever my wife used to go out clubbing, I’d get told everything later, every approach by guys, every inappropriate touch. She’s seems to think it was just a hoot, but that’s typical of her personality.
This is possible, very often it is girls who cheat on their boyfriend or husband, this is based on their nature and I would say 30 percent of them did and do it, at least I have such statistics and a lot of information is collected on the Internet.
@PUNKEY,
But remember also that if someone is eating steak all the time eventually they will love to taste a hamburger sometime.
@Medusax,
From my experience, I used to get distracted but when I used up most of my time with my wife I realized that it is always better to stay busy with each other., for making a space between the couple can cause distractions to enter the space and start problems. That is what really constitute happiness.
@jackstraw,
Yes! A happily married woman or a happily married man can and do cheat. Although most things in life are distinctly different but in many cases they are also similar. For instance, If someone is eating their favorite food, why would they just take only a couple of bites when there is still more available? That is life. Also remember that we were programmed, somewhat, to strive to improve. Also remember that There are so many things in the world that we can experience, like dishes, countries, houses, sex partners, body scents, thinking, etc., etc.
@awaxa,
I would think that if a woman went “looking” for extra marital sex, such as going out “on the pull” to clubs, chasing guys she fancies, using internet sites, etc, that this would suggest that they are not happily married. Or at least that the woman was not happy with their sex life.
However, even if the woman has a sex life with her husband that she is satisfied with, there are elements that the husband can never provide. Namely the thrill of first time sex with a new guy and the excitement of cheating would tempt many women to stray if an opportunity for a one-off fling was presented. Especially if the woman did as I believe many other women do, namely “trade up” with a guy that was younger, better looking and fitter than her husband.
I’m not naïve enough to think that my own wife would not fall into this category, given her looks and personality that I wrote about in my first post. I need to get my own thoughts together and have a chat with her about it, but only when the world is in a better place.
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