It’s been 9 months since d day but the betrayal lasted for five years so the pain is strong

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and I never expected nor saw any of this coming. He would always tell me how happy he was and that he couldn’t picture his life without me. I felt the same. He is the only person in the world that knows all of me. He would express his strong dislike of social media and never saw the reason be apart of it. He would say that a lot of woman are on there looking for the wrong attention. This feeling was expressed by him on multiple occasions. I even deleted my social media early on in our relationship out of respect for him because he did not want men reaching out to me even though I never responded. He started show jealous and insecure Tendencies and I for the life of me could never understand why because I never would never disrespect or make him feel like he was never enough. I even worked from home at one point because of his paranoia. He would accuse me of checking out men if we were looking at a show or movie. It was ridiculous but I tried to look past it.

Then months ago I discovered his secret Instagram page. A page where he followed nothing but half naked women and engaged in sexual conversations. He also sent pictures of his self. He told me that he only made the page 2 months ago and he barely got on it but it showed he had the page for well over 1 year and he logged in everyday following endless amounts of women. I couldn’t believe the person saying those things on that page was my husband. He tried to downplay what he was doing by saying he doesn’t know any of the women and it’s not like he was connecting with women he knew from his past on Facebook and that he would never have a fb page. Then a few days later I found his secret fb page.

I found out he was looking up women he slept with from his past and was even talking to a women he use to sleep with before we got married. He had been talking to this particular woman for almost 5 years. She knew about me but that didn’t stop them from exchanging I love you messages, having sexual conversations and discussing where to meet up. My heart sunk when I discovered this and every since then I have been going through a rotation of different emotions. There was a lump feeling in my throat that just didn’t seem to want to go away. When I first found out I was all over the place, one minute I was in a rage and the next I was extremely sad and sometimes I felt blank. I still feel blank some days.

He told me that he never slept with the woman he was conversing with for five years and that he did it because of his “insecurities”. I believe he slept with her and if anyone else read what I discovered, they would too. However even 9 months later still he adamantly claims he never slept with her and would of never took it that far. rHe also said he never loved her and was just saying that to “mess with her head”. He said he cares nothing about her but how can you talk to someone you care nothing about for almost five years? He went out of his way to keep in touch with her even when he moved. We had sex almost everyday at one point in our marriage but our sex life slowed down just a little because of our new jobs. He said he only did all of these things because he wanted to have sex with me more and was just acting out. He also said he thought I was hiding something in my phone even though he had no proof!!! I believe he was making that up in his head so he could feel better about what he was doing. He could of easily sat down and told me how he felt but he didn’t even try. I would of been willing to do whatever to reconnect more intimately because that is something that is important to me as well. I found phone numbers from random women and a secret phone. He admitted that he got the phone numbers but never intended to call them. I don’t believe that one bit.



He has deleted everything and cut everything off supposedly. He has literally begged me to stay and said the thought of me being with another man kills him and that he is going to fight for our marriage. He has expressed that he is ashamed of what he did and that is still very sexually attracted to me. He said he refuses to throw away everything we built together. I feel like the person I thought I married is someone else and I can’t believe anything he says. He lied to me through the whole discovery phase and trickled the truth. He was my best friend I truly trusted him 100%. Yes it’s been 9 months since The first discovery but he lived a secret life for 5 years. He tells me that I am crazy for being so upset about this and I need to accept it, trust him again because he “promised it will never happen again” and move on. He just wants me to shut up about it. I’m trying my best to move on but it’s so very hard. The pain never seems to be getting better. He tells me I better not be talking to or flirting with any men behind his back or doing anything similar that he did to me almost everyday. He continues to downplay what he did and tries to compare our situation to others who he thinks is dealing with something worse.


I don’t know what to do at this point. I love him so much but this pain is still eating away at me. He says he is ok with therapy but he never follows through with me. I don’t want to be bitter or continue to throw what he did up in his face. I’m just broken and exhausted. Some days I want to fight and some days I just want to walk away. I feel stuck, hurt, and confused. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I use to be secure in myself but that feeling is long gone.