Hi Georgia, judgement isn't at all important in life. I have several beliefs, which revolve around contributing circumstances and self responsibility...which precludes 'blame'.
It is my belief that everyone in life :
- tries to be happy...but also that we often go about it in (in the long run) self defeating ways (not always of course)
- must take responsibility for their own life, who they are, and what they do, and
- should recognise that all our actions have consequences.
- should respect themself, and show themself that they are important (this is done through actions, not thoughts or words)
Anyway, there's lot's of other things like that - those are just the most relevant to your situation.
My marriage has been quite tricky for around 2 years with my self esteem being chipped away.
The last part I mentioned about my beliefs - that we must all respect ourself...
You must always, respectfully, stand up for 'who you are'. The importance you show to 'who you are' is, by definition, self esteem. What you do, reinforces or degrades your self esteem.
There is another truism in life - your beliefs will alter towards the direction of your actions. The easiest thing to see in action with this is, of all things, affairs. The first time it 'happens', people feel guilty, the second time still, the third time and each subsequent time...your beliefs alter further and further. It doesn't always completely alter (we are often conflicted as humans), but our actions most definitely alter our beliefs.
Taking that principle one step further - if you allow a person to treat you with disrespect, you get angry with them, and with yourself. If you allow them to treat you with disrespect again, you get pissed off, but it's a bit hazier. If you allow them to disrespect you in the same way a third time...you start wondering if you are doing something to deserve the disrespect...the fourth and 5th, and...your mind itself, is now telling you that you must deserve the disrespect, for you are accepting it...
In other words - some things are worth 'fighting' for. 'Fighting' because you can stand up for your own respect, quite respectfully of the other - no matter how nasty they are (it's called dignified firmness coming from who you are)...though sometimes it is also quite appropriate to become angry, passionate, and pissed off.
And taking that even a step further...this also applies to whether or not you are treated as (any of) : desirable, important, interesting etc.
If you do try everything and don't receive what you need...remember it takes two to have a relationship, and if one person just isn't in it...it may be worth reconsidering if you even have (or should have), a relationship.
Good luck with everything.