Thank you. It is also about his pride. Yes. 100%. He WILL be considered the guy who left his wife...his in laws, her bunches of friends, his friends wont care - in fact, they'd celebrate him. His first responder family - most of them are going through the same thing, they wouldn't bat an eye.
In response to your question. I don't know why i regulated my role as that. I've always had feelings for him and i think just that it actually happened...i dont know.
I so much enjoy what we do have together. He really is my best friend and has been for the better part of 18 years. I go to him for everything. First person i call with good news, bad news, for advice, etc. He's the same with me. I know i know.. I can hear the eye rolls. But that's my reality. I thought i believed guys and girls can be just friends.. i thought we were the exception to the rule that its possible. I thought wrong.
When we discussed this originally, I agreed to the deadline of after his son graduates and goes into the military. That's what we discussed, agreed and set as a plan. With taht said, i didn't realize it would be this hard.
He mentions on occasion that he worries that I want to be living my life and dont want to 'wait around' for him. I've said to him more than once... if you want to end this, let's do that and protect our relationship and get it somehow to what it was. He says he doesn't want that but he feels bad .. i assure him i want to be with him too and it's ok for now. But it's hard on him as well as on me.
YEs, he's eating his cake and having it too...most guys are like that and enjoy it. I mentined that to him once and he said "Well, i'm not your typical guy and that's not at all how i think of this and you shojld know that". The thing is... if it wasn't like that, he'd get the balls to move on and Fk all the stuff that he's afraid of and his pride. I know that.