18
   

During sex she fell asleep, I continued, is that wrong?

 
 
catnip
 
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 11:43 am
I have a real question. About the time I was with a girl that I like a lot, who is a heavy sleeper, we were drinking all night and out partying, came home, and while we were in the middle of some great sex she fell asleep.

I stopped.

Then I thought, hey, come on. So I went back in for a few minutes and she did not wake. So then I Stopped again. Thought about it, went out of the room, came back after a little while and quietly went back in.

Did it for a little while more.

She woke up the next morning happy and smiling, not knowing that I did that.

Now I really fucked up, I went and told a friend at the local bar, and he told everybody. Now I have heard there is a rumor around about me that I am a rapist. Wow, this is not good. You must know I am feeling pretty horrible right now. I am wondering if anyone can help me with advice about this somehow. Is my life over? I have always thought of myself as a very kind person, extremely kind I thought. A good guy. Now, this is the first time I feel like people hate me. And I hate myself for what I have done. I know it was not right, but what do I do now? Hope you can tell me your viewpoint, good or bad. Thanks so much.
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Type: Question • Score: 18 • Views: 20,625 • Replies: 96

 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 11:55 am
@catnip,
what does she say?
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 11:58 am
How was it great sex if she feel asleep during it?

Oh! You mean great sex for You!
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 12:11 pm
@catnip,
catnip wrote:
Now I really fucked up,

No, you fucked up long before that.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 12:22 pm
@catnip,
Since she was awake for the first part of it and was a willing party until she fell asleep, I don't think it's something you should beat yourself up over. If she had been awake, she would have most likely continued until you guys were done anyway, so I wouldn't sweat it.
Now, what people are saying on the other hand is terrible and I can only imagine how you feel. It must be humiliating as all hell, but as long as she's not freaking out about it, I don't see it as being an issue.
People can be pretty damn cruel and blow everything out of proportion as you can see, so obviously it was a bad idea to tell anyone about it, but since you can't turn back time, all you can do is wait until the dust settles.
If your girlfriend left you in a heat of rage, then I doubt the dust would ever settle, but if she's seeing at as no big deal, people will eventually shut up. It may take a while, but eventually they'll get bored and find someone else to pick on.
Best wishes to you and your gal.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 12:33 pm
I once fell asleep with my ex during this activity and even though I believe he stopped, I would have laughed if he had told me he continued, however, we're not all cut the same. I would have laughed because I was a willing party before I fell asleep, so it would have be a non issue for me, but a lot of people will judge you for that, unfortunately.
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  7  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 12:49 pm
one more bit of unsolicited advice...

if you want to continue having sex with real girls, you would do well to restrict graphic discussion of it with your buddies.

girls hate that...
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 01:16 pm
After giving it some thought, even though it wouldn't have been a big deal for me, I have to add that when she was awake you had her consent, but as soon as she fell asleep, the consent was no longer there because obviously she was asleep, so you're right in saying you were wrong to continue.
That being said, I wouldn't suggest ever doing it again for obvious reasons.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 01:52 pm
@catnip,
Well we are in a crazy society when it come to the issue of consent is concern and the responsibility for judging correctly the situation is one hundred percents on the man.

I am sure that there are women on this website that will tell you that the very fact that you had sex with someone who is so under the influence that she fell asleep during the act mean your actions where rape.

In this case, I would no longer discuss the matter and in the future be careful with the women you have as sexual partners and the state they are in as men we are all in the middle of a mine field that could blow apart your life at any minute.

In one case, a woman who jumped into a sleeping man bed and started a sexual encounter with him later claimed rape when she regretted having sex the next day under the theory that she could not had granted him consent due to her drinking.

It took a full military court marshal to clear him.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  4  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 01:54 pm
@catnip,
catnip wrote:
Now I really fucked up, I went and told a friend at the local bar, and he told everybody. Now I have heard there is a rumor around about me that I am a rapist. Wow, this is not good.

Truth hurts, don't it?

catnip wrote:
You must know I am feeling pretty horrible right now.

About what? About being a rapist, or about being perceived as being a rapist?
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 02:01 pm
@joefromchicago,
Quote:
Truth hurts, don't it?


See what I mean catnip?

Be careful out there as all it take is one drunken woman who regard having sex with you the next day and you life can be ruin.

This is a good warning for you to be more careful in the future.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  4  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 02:06 pm
Quote:
Now I really fucked up, I went and told a friend at the local bar He isn't much of a friend and you are fooling yourself if you think of yourself as a kind person after telling folks at the local bar about what happened during sex with the woman, and he told everybody. Now I have heard there is a rumor around about me that I am a rapist. Wow, this is not good. You must know I am feeling pretty horrible right now. I am wondering if anyone can help me with advice about this somehow. Is my life over? Imagine how the woman must be feeling about your telling your buddies at the bar about it. I have always thought of myself as a very kind person, extremely kind I thought. A good guy. Now, this is the first time I feel like people hate me. And I hate myself for what I have done. I know it was not right, but what do I do now? Hope you can tell me your viewpoint, good or bad. Thanks so much.


I think you need to take responsibility for what you did and apologize to the woman for bragging about it to your bar buddies who also couldn't keep their mouths shut. I highly doubt you were using a condom so you might also want to ask if she was using any birth control and then cross your fingers for the next 30 days or so.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 02:23 pm
alright.. I will bite.

Sorry, Im not going to sound like every one else on the thread..

But since she was drunk enough to fall asleep, can you APOLOGIZE and say that you were really only joking.. or did you tell you friend and be really serious about it?

If so, and there is no room to wiggle out of it as a light hearted joke about both of you being drunk.. then another tactic needs to be taken . Direct honesty to many people at this point is just going to damage things and frankly, its no one elses business. It is a rumor and it will take on some mighty forms before it disappears.

But no, i do not think you are a rapist at all. Consent was there. SHE choose to be so drunk she could not stay awake. You were BOTH having sex and there was never a no.

You COULD.. and it is sneaky.. but you could use the ' i went back' as a , I dont know.. answer maybe? Saying you were trying to wake her up, but YOU couldnt keep it up because you were drunk, or some stupid thing like that.

Due to the amount of alcohol involved there are many loop holes to turn this into something humorous, or walk away from it entirely. Yes, you will still feel bad but fact of the matter is you were having sex with her and she said ok. You didnt hurt her, it wasnt rape, just a wee bit odd to do.

Lesson learned.


Stay honest with her, but ignore, joke with, and pass off anyone who was not involved. Its not their business..
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 02:24 pm
@shewolfnm,
But then again, you're a whore.
joefromchicago
 
  5  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 02:57 pm
@shewolfnm,
shewolfnm wrote:
But no, i do not think you are a rapist at all. Consent was there.

On the contrary, it was never there.

shewolfnm wrote:
You COULD.. and it is sneaky.. but you could use the ' i went back' as a , I dont know.. answer maybe? Saying you were trying to wake her up...

"Your honor, I swear it wasn't rape, it was just wake-up sex."
0 Replies
 
George
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 03:06 pm
So everyone believes this guy?
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 03:07 pm
@George,
you jesting, Shirley?
George
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 03:08 pm
@Rockhead,
I'm perfectly serious, and don't call . . .
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 05:08 pm
@George,
Quote:
So everyone believes this guy?

Not everyone, George. Wink
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2011 05:11 pm
@George,
Sounds to me that you really are after validation from your guilt, so you can feel better.

Telling your "buddies" to me, indicates you found it funny, amusing, and bragged otherwise it would be like, I was so upset at myself I discussed it with a couple of friends..If the whole town is talking about it so to speak and thinks that you raped her, then you bragged and found it amusing..

No point trying to validate your guilt on a Forum, you have to live with it...

Even if she smiled when she woke up, you haven't suggested that you continued seeing her, so I imagine that smile is now long gone from her face, but more so, guys that don't see that "things happen" and maybe she liked you to start with, and keep their mouth shut, and respect a woman for being herself, really isn't much of a guy in my opinion.

Sorry. Hope you learn something here.
 

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